Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Lafferty's Last Ride"A collection of my poems
85 total reviews
Comment from bayoupoet
This is a very wild and epic tale of a British, much like that of Daniel Boone. It is well written with precise rhyme, rhythm, and flow. It is a pleasure reading for you. Good luck in the contest!
sandra
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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This is a very wild and epic tale of a British, much like that of Daniel Boone. It is well written with precise rhyme, rhythm, and flow. It is a pleasure reading for you. Good luck in the contest!
sandra
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Sandra, for taking the time to read and review my lengthy piece - I appreciate it.
Steve
Comment from bob cullen
There is poetry and POETRY, this falls in the second category. It is a masterpiece and rather reminiscent of Banjo Patterson, one of Australia's all time great poets.
It tells a story that grips the reader. It has rhyme and wonderful balance of meter. I have read this several times and it gets better with each reading. I don't believe I've ever read better on this site.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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There is poetry and POETRY, this falls in the second category. It is a masterpiece and rather reminiscent of Banjo Patterson, one of Australia's all time great poets.
It tells a story that grips the reader. It has rhyme and wonderful balance of meter. I have read this several times and it gets better with each reading. I don't believe I've ever read better on this site.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you - high praise indeed! I believe I shall have to go and fire up the head-shrinking machine...
I appreciate your taking the time to read and review this.
Steve
Comment from Trybuck
Epic? More like a book I think. Very interesting and fast-paced but just too long for my taste. I like them a lot shorter. Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Epic? More like a book I think. Very interesting and fast-paced but just too long for my taste. I like them a lot shorter. Well done, Buck
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks for reviewing
Steve
Comment from Inge_Meldgaard
and were they made with some defiling paste.
* should there be a question mark at the end of this? Otherwise it doesn't quite make sense to me.
Other than this little quibble, it's one of the best stories in a poem I have ever read - could be a fantastic song - like the classic Australian folk songs that tell of deeds and lives. Simply brilliant - I am honestly in awe of your grasp of history, the ability to put all this to rhyme and meter, and without any errors (other than the one I query above) that I can see!! You'll win, you have to...and then go find someone to sing this!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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and were they made with some defiling paste.
* should there be a question mark at the end of this? Otherwise it doesn't quite make sense to me.
Other than this little quibble, it's one of the best stories in a poem I have ever read - could be a fantastic song - like the classic Australian folk songs that tell of deeds and lives. Simply brilliant - I am honestly in awe of your grasp of history, the ability to put all this to rhyme and meter, and without any errors (other than the one I query above) that I can see!! You'll win, you have to...and then go find someone to sing this!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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The question mark did cross my mind.... I decided it was indirect speech so not necessary.
Thank you for the high praise - I'll take some credit for the storyline and the poetic structure, but I'm afraid the grasp of history is down to Wikipedia - always was my worst subject at school.
As to winning the contest, I'm hopeful but won't be counting any chickens - there are always great entries for these real money contests e.g. I have seen a beautiful kids' poem by J P Egry...
And unfortunately I don't have a musical bone in my body...
Steve
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Well, even if the history bit is on Wikipedia, you still have to 'grasp' and 'grapple' with it to transform it into a worthwhile story, which you did, and you can give the poem to someone else to sing, can't you? :O I see what you mean about that question mark now.
Comment from Chris Tee
This is excellent poetry we have here Steve old sport and the Zulu wars I can relate to as I life near these battle fields.
Well done with this splendid work here old chap.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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This is excellent poetry we have here Steve old sport and the Zulu wars I can relate to as I life near these battle fields.
Well done with this splendid work here old chap.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Chris. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review this lengthy piece.
Steve
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Steve,
I just had to finish reading this. What an epic! The tempo is superb and worthy of Banjo Patterson at his best while the detail and the erudite knowledge points to a lifetime of reading Kipling, with whom this would compete.
Great stuff.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Dear Steve,
I just had to finish reading this. What an epic! The tempo is superb and worthy of Banjo Patterson at his best while the detail and the erudite knowledge points to a lifetime of reading Kipling, with whom this would compete.
Great stuff.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Reg, for the high praise and the six stars. I'll take some credit for the story-line and the tempo, although the crazy joke at the end is down to my father. As to the erudition - mostly Wikipedia. I did re-read some Kipling and got a few hints and wish I'd had time to seek out the Flashman books.
Now I have to go and shrink my head a little...
Steve
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Steve,
You really must get the "Flashman" books. Maybe not too factual but bloody funny.
Reg
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Yes, I have read2 or 3 but many years ago - it wasn't till I had nearly finished the poem that I thoiught to google him and found that he had been in the same three campaigns and almost the same three battles - plus more of course - I think there are 12 books all up...
Comment from Lovinia
Well WHEW quite a read. Certainly an epic. I didn't think for one second to give up though. The story completely engulfed me and my imagination.
A fantastic write with great meter or is it the rhythm? Wish I was more of an expert when reviewing.
Captivating right from the title.
I did think for a second ... huh ... was Lafferty in all of these? I am no history expert ... so fly with the poetic license! I thoroughly enjoyed every line. Great imagery and brilliant rhyme. The tale comes alive and awakens all the sense.
I would love to go to all those sites and learn more. I did enjoy the wit and twist in the last line ... what a surprise! Well done. Bravo! Worthy of a six, alas I have none.
Warm Regards - :) Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Well WHEW quite a read. Certainly an epic. I didn't think for one second to give up though. The story completely engulfed me and my imagination.
A fantastic write with great meter or is it the rhythm? Wish I was more of an expert when reviewing.
Captivating right from the title.
I did think for a second ... huh ... was Lafferty in all of these? I am no history expert ... so fly with the poetic license! I thoroughly enjoyed every line. Great imagery and brilliant rhyme. The tale comes alive and awakens all the sense.
I would love to go to all those sites and learn more. I did enjoy the wit and twist in the last line ... what a surprise! Well done. Bravo! Worthy of a six, alas I have none.
Warm Regards - :) Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Lovinia - I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my rather lengthy piece.
If he was in his early 20s when he signed up and went to India, he would have been in his late 40s when Khartoum fell - a little late in life to be falling in love for the first time perhaps, but not unheard of.
I wasn't sure whether I was destroying everything that had gone before with the 'joke' ending, but it was actually my starting point so I could hardly throw it out - it was an old joke of my father's.
Thanks again for the very kind words.
Rhythm is a more general term for the feel of the beat of a poem. Meter is more specific and can refer to the actual types such as iambic and anapaestic etc. You will find that in my poem there is some variation in the meter - this is common in long poems where strict meter would produce a monotonous sing-song effect. Shorter forms like sonnets more commonly use exact meter throughout.
Steve
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It is a terrific story in a poem! I had decided to do one last review before I raced off ... and expected to do a shorty. :) I just couldn't let this go by. I suppose in those days, someone with such a career may well have fallen in love late and married. Such the price of war and adventure.
I forgot to mention the notes were great for a piece like this. I always enjoy learning something new!
Thanks for the tip on meter, something I must learn more about. I do understand about the slight change in rhythm, it is perfectly fluid though.
Warm Regards - :) Lovinia xoxo
Comment from waihekebach
What a story and what a poem.
Much research must have gone into this.
The story is factual, interesting and written from a somewhat
curious stance, which is perfect, as it is a poem and
gives it a uniqueness.
Wonderfully well done.
Oodles of good luck.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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What a story and what a poem.
Much research must have gone into this.
The story is factual, interesting and written from a somewhat
curious stance, which is perfect, as it is a poem and
gives it a uniqueness.
Wonderfully well done.
Oodles of good luck.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Yes, I learnt more History for this than in my entire sixth form year!
Thanks for taking the time to read and review - I appreciate it and your good wishes.
Steve
Comment from Bayberry
You must have done a lot of research in addressing the historical aspect of this commendable poetry. I have even encountered several new words of Indian and Zulu origination. The humorous twist at the end was quite unexpected. I like that you've also included a bit of romance, and also tragety with the loss of his sweet wife. Since violence is on-going down through the ages, it is expertly represented in your work as well.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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You must have done a lot of research in addressing the historical aspect of this commendable poetry. I have even encountered several new words of Indian and Zulu origination. The humorous twist at the end was quite unexpected. I like that you've also included a bit of romance, and also tragety with the loss of his sweet wife. Since violence is on-going down through the ages, it is expertly represented in your work as well.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Josie - yes, I found myself referring to various sources to make sure I didn't stuff up the history - I had heard of all these battles, but wouldn't have been able to tell you details before...
I was worried about the 'joke' at the end, but in fact that was the only bit I had in mind from the beginning! Most reviewers have accepted it without question - or maybe they didn't even get that far!
I appreciate your taking the time.
Steve
Comment from jackpeg
Wow! What an epic, Steve. Sounds so much like Kipling. Making a copy to share with me cobbers. I haven't posted or reviewed anything for a couple of weeks. Taking a hiatus for a while.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Wow! What an epic, Steve. Sounds so much like Kipling. Making a copy to share with me cobbers. I haven't posted or reviewed anything for a couple of weeks. Taking a hiatus for a while.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you!
I think I need a hiatus too, after that - or maybe restrict myself to limericks and haiku for a while...
Thanks for taking the time to read and review.
Steve
