Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Lafferty's Last Ride"A collection of my poems
85 total reviews
Comment from livelylinda
kiwi,
I have to admit, I only got halfway through. It is a great story and could be its own book because you tell such history. One of the reasons I like poetry is because it is short and can be read leisurally. . .except for this one.
Good writing, though, with excellent rhyme and rhythm which helps keep the story flowing along, on and on an on. LOL
Thank you for sharing,
Linda
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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kiwi,
I have to admit, I only got halfway through. It is a great story and could be its own book because you tell such history. One of the reasons I like poetry is because it is short and can be read leisurally. . .except for this one.
Good writing, though, with excellent rhyme and rhythm which helps keep the story flowing along, on and on an on. LOL
Thank you for sharing,
Linda
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Linda.
Sorry the story didn't grab you enough to make you want to find out what happened, but I know it's not everyone's cup of tea.
Steve
Comment from Adri7enne
Yeah! That was a bit of a marathon. Lots of work involved in that. You're a terrific rhymer and your rhythm is dead on. It advanced at a good pace, but I was dissapointed in the ending. After hanging in there to the end, I thought there would be a bigger bang for my money. LOL! I thought there might be something profound. Were the wars fought for 'tobacco'? Was this the cause of all the drama? I guess I might have missed the point.
Still, it was an epic, as you state in your notes.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Yeah! That was a bit of a marathon. Lots of work involved in that. You're a terrific rhymer and your rhythm is dead on. It advanced at a good pace, but I was dissapointed in the ending. After hanging in there to the end, I thought there would be a bigger bang for my money. LOL! I thought there might be something profound. Were the wars fought for 'tobacco'? Was this the cause of all the drama? I guess I might have missed the point.
Still, it was an epic, as you state in your notes.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you for taking the time to read all the way to the end!
Sorry you felt let down - I actually took a bit of a risk with the ending by turning it into a joke - which you may have missed - the counting that drove him mad was the tobacco - 'It's the tobacco that counts' was actually the slogan of Players cigarettes for many years... It was an old joke of my father's and the rest of the poem built itself around getting to that ending i.e. it is the longest and shaggiest shaggy dog story you have ever heard.
Steve
Comment from Matoshka
This was a great write, from the beginning to the end. How sad it ended this way, after all the battles. I could understand his sadness when his wife died, but for a while he was a happy man. I enjoyed this very much. Blessings and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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This was a great write, from the beginning to the end. How sad it ended this way, after all the battles. I could understand his sadness when his wife died, but for a while he was a happy man. I enjoyed this very much. Blessings and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review and for your best wishes...
Steve
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You are so welcome Steve, I enjoyed it very much. Blessings
Comment from juliaSjames
Wow! This is indeed an epic write. It has earned every one of my virtual six stars.
Sure there are places where the meter falters, and I think you ran out of steam at the end and ruthlessly disposed of poor Lafferty after he smoked his last Camel. (nudge, nudge, got the pun???)
But this is one hell of a story in a poem and deserves a place on the winner's podium.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Wow! This is indeed an epic write. It has earned every one of my virtual six stars.
Sure there are places where the meter falters, and I think you ran out of steam at the end and ruthlessly disposed of poor Lafferty after he smoked his last Camel. (nudge, nudge, got the pun???)
But this is one hell of a story in a poem and deserves a place on the winner's podium.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Julia - glad you made it to the end and the rather lame joke about the tobacco counting...
Meter deliberately varied to avoid monotony - hope you're right about the winner's platform, but I'm not holding my breath.
Steve
Comment from Writeaway...
This is a strong contender for this contest, kiwisteveh, bravo. You tell the story well in the form of a poem, it flows well and is well developed, I may be repeating well a bit here, lol. An excellent job, keep writing and good luck in the contest!! :)
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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This is a strong contender for this contest, kiwisteveh, bravo. You tell the story well in the form of a poem, it flows well and is well developed, I may be repeating well a bit here, lol. An excellent job, keep writing and good luck in the contest!! :)
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review and for the best wishes.
Steve
Comment from KiwiGal
I cannot believe I am the only 6-star for you. What's there not to admire - it's got everything: love, hate, war, peace, despair, madness and, just when you don't expect it, humour! Of course, on the packets today it says "Smoking kills", which would have been appropriate as well... hehe.
I'm just sorry that those who battled against the Zulus were called heroes, when it was bloody-minded, egotistical British arrogance that caused all those thousands of deaths .. as with practically everywhere.
This is a Best, for its length, rhythm, rhyming, vocabulary, interest and historical accuracy. You're a clever fellow - a real teacher. Those Oz kids are lucky to have ya, Banj-Steve.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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I cannot believe I am the only 6-star for you. What's there not to admire - it's got everything: love, hate, war, peace, despair, madness and, just when you don't expect it, humour! Of course, on the packets today it says "Smoking kills", which would have been appropriate as well... hehe.
I'm just sorry that those who battled against the Zulus were called heroes, when it was bloody-minded, egotistical British arrogance that caused all those thousands of deaths .. as with practically everywhere.
This is a Best, for its length, rhythm, rhyming, vocabulary, interest and historical accuracy. You're a clever fellow - a real teacher. Those Oz kids are lucky to have ya, Banj-Steve.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you - this has actually received quite a few sixes - more than ten I think...
I have to apologise for the feeble 'tobacco counts' joke - it was where I started and the rest just grew - a favourite joke of my father's who probably heard it during the war when Platers cigarettes used that slogan.
One reviewer has taken me to task for glorifying British imperialism although I tried to be fair. Highest mountain in Queensland is just down the road from here - named after Bartle Frere who seems to have provoked that war pretty much on his own - nice one, Barty!
How've you been anyway?
Steve
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Trust an Aussie to be in with the bad decisions.... hehe.
I've been offline for two weeks; bad work by the electricians caused quickfire power cuts which cooked my Livebox(no phone, TV or Internet.. again). Only got it back on yesterday. Still that's half as quick as the first month here... Now it's catch-up time with your and others' work - FS cancelled my Inbox stuff because it was left too long so I'll have to go a-huntin'. Salut, Heidi
Comment from Glasstruth
A POEM that teaches us a bit of history in rhymes. It has excellent meter, balance. Zulu Wars is a change of pace from our usual American Indian wars. Well done! Les
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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A POEM that teaches us a bit of history in rhymes. It has excellent meter, balance. Zulu Wars is a change of pace from our usual American Indian wars. Well done! Les
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Les. Taught myself a few things as well!
Steve
Comment from M. Karol
I can identify with Indian mutiny and the rebellion due to cartridges being smeared with beef. One of my great great grandfather lost his life in the mutiny. It was the first spark against British which finally lead to independence after nearly 100years.
I must say you have put it brilliantly, the entire history in great poetic form.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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I can identify with Indian mutiny and the rebellion due to cartridges being smeared with beef. One of my great great grandfather lost his life in the mutiny. It was the first spark against British which finally lead to independence after nearly 100years.
I must say you have put it brilliantly, the entire history in great poetic form.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you - some folk's mutiny is others' rebellion. There were atrocities on both sides and I tried to be balanced - of course, the British should never have been there in the first place, but if it wasn't them, it would have been someone else...
Thanks for the kind words and the six stars - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from WilliamDeen
Wow! What a great historical poem that tells a story and also rhymes!! How in heaven's name did you manage such an amazing feat!!! Kudos to you!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Wow! What a great historical poem that tells a story and also rhymes!! How in heaven's name did you manage such an amazing feat!!! Kudos to you!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you - this was a bit of a labour of love, and it just grew,,,, and grew and grew...
Six stars much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from Rose Hearth
A history lesson, a biography, and a love story interwoven in a spellbinding poem with great rhythm and rhyme. I don't need to wish you luck for your talent speaks for itself. I think we have a winner here!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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A history lesson, a biography, and a love story interwoven in a spellbinding poem with great rhythm and rhyme. I don't need to wish you luck for your talent speaks for itself. I think we have a winner here!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much for the very kind words and the six stars - I appreciate it. I hope you are right about being a winner, but I have learnt not to count chickens - competition is always tough - I have seen one excellent kids' poem by J P Egry and who knows what else is entered because they don't list them all...
Thanks again.
Steve
