Words
Rough poem, Appreciate any comments/help. Thanks8 total reviews
Comment from Eleanor Buron
I wrote a program based on "sticks and stones" - ;) this is a really good poem. I like the theme because words do more damage in life than sticks and stones. Very good rhythm in the second stanza. Good rhyme where rhyme is used. First line, Stanza 2, a slight shift of words is needed - perhaps, "Like a surgeon with great skill or "Like a surgeon's exacting skill" - think about it. The other way is grammatically awkward. The perpetrator is worse than a "jerk" but my suggestion here would be very un-ladylike.
Good work.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2011
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I wrote a program based on "sticks and stones" - ;) this is a really good poem. I like the theme because words do more damage in life than sticks and stones. Very good rhythm in the second stanza. Good rhyme where rhyme is used. First line, Stanza 2, a slight shift of words is needed - perhaps, "Like a surgeon with great skill or "Like a surgeon's exacting skill" - think about it. The other way is grammatically awkward. The perpetrator is worse than a "jerk" but my suggestion here would be very un-ladylike.
Good work.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2011
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Thanks for your help and review. I really struggled with this poem. I knew what I wanted to write but couldn't seem to get "it" right. I appreciate your review.
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You're welcome. Again, liked it very much.
Comment from Jean Lutz
I agree with you that words hurt -- yet look how you turned the hurt around to pour out your words to help others. I have a piece posted that you might like to read. The title is "Safe House Around My Heart".
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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I agree with you that words hurt -- yet look how you turned the hurt around to pour out your words to help others. I have a piece posted that you might like to read. The title is "Safe House Around My Heart".
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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Thank you Jean for your kind review and the stars. I will read your poem, thanks.
Comment from Crystal Carey
I love it. It is a great teaching poem. I think everything is perfect except the last verse. In your artistic way I am sure you can finesse it to be beautiful and flow like the rest of the poem!!
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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I love it. It is a great teaching poem. I think everything is perfect except the last verse. In your artistic way I am sure you can finesse it to be beautiful and flow like the rest of the poem!!
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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Thank you Crystal for your kind review. Yes, I have struggled with this entire poem. I knew what I wanted to say but it just seemed to not want to come out. I will work on the last lines. Thanks.
Comment from misscookie
I remember that little saying so well
And just like a few more they were all lkies.Words are the worst weap;om and one can have.Once they come out the mouiuth they never can return back.
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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I remember that little saying so well
And just like a few more they were all lkies.Words are the worst weap;om and one can have.Once they come out the mouiuth they never can return back.
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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Thank you for your kind review of my poem. I struggled writing it. I knew what I wanted to say but the words just didn't seem to want to be written.
Comment from Ekim777
That children's song has wisdom in it. You are not recognizing it. The power that man has over you is the power you give him. It reminds me of a verse by Oscar Wilde.
"All men kill the things they love/ So let it be heard./ THe strong man kills it with a sword/ The coward with a word
Your second verse belies your openness; your vulnerability which probably your hidden strength. The fact that he could get to your very soul, suggests this to be true.And the fact that tonight he will be in your prayers shows that you are already free of him and it shows your strength over him. Good wishes. -EKim
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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That children's song has wisdom in it. You are not recognizing it. The power that man has over you is the power you give him. It reminds me of a verse by Oscar Wilde.
"All men kill the things they love/ So let it be heard./ THe strong man kills it with a sword/ The coward with a word
Your second verse belies your openness; your vulnerability which probably your hidden strength. The fact that he could get to your very soul, suggests this to be true.And the fact that tonight he will be in your prayers shows that you are already free of him and it shows your strength over him. Good wishes. -EKim
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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Thank you Ekim for your kind review and prespective on my poem. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Betty517
I remember that little rhyme when I was a child. I am with you they do hurt but as children we hide those feelings or get hurt. Great poem.
Betty
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2011
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I remember that little rhyme when I was a child. I am with you they do hurt but as children we hide those feelings or get hurt. Great poem.
Betty
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2011
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Thanks Betty for your kind review. This was written in relation to bullies. I think I might should have included that in my notes. The poem was rough. I appreciate your stars.
Comment from rjuselius
the poem feels a little forced. and maybe a bit of a cliche. i like the message but have seen it somewhere else. the rhythm of the poem seems also slightly forced. however, i can relate to the message, it's something we all seem to go through.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2011
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the poem feels a little forced. and maybe a bit of a cliche. i like the message but have seen it somewhere else. the rhythm of the poem seems also slightly forced. however, i can relate to the message, it's something we all seem to go through.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. Yes, I knew it was rough. The poem was written in regards to bullies. I think I should have included that in my notes. I would appreciate any suggestions to make it better. To me it felt forced too.
Comment from waihekebach
I know this Phrase from childhood.
You are so right in what you say in the last two lines.
This poem reads beautifully.
The surgeon reference is great.
Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2011
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I know this Phrase from childhood.
You are so right in what you say in the last two lines.
This poem reads beautifully.
The surgeon reference is great.
Well done.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem. I appreciate the stars.
