Discover yourself
Never give up!6 total reviews
Comment from ameen786
Assalam Alaikum Sadaf, welcome to FS, love the depth of expression in your poetry, one requirement of the 5/7/5-poems is there's no need to capitalize. Also, I thought if you change the satori line to "you can unearth you"--it'd have a greater impact, just a thought and I hope you don't mind the suggestion. Take care and again, welcome to the site, look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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Assalam Alaikum Sadaf, welcome to FS, love the depth of expression in your poetry, one requirement of the 5/7/5-poems is there's no need to capitalize. Also, I thought if you change the satori line to "you can unearth you"--it'd have a greater impact, just a thought and I hope you don't mind the suggestion. Take care and again, welcome to the site, look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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walaikum assalam.. please would you explain to me what you mean by'one requirement of the 5/7/5-poems is there's no need to capitalize.' and by satori line you mean instead of 'you'll discover you'? thank you for reviewing my poem:)
Comment from jaded831
Great 5-7-5 poem, time makes you wiser and helps you to discover who you are. A great thought to stop fearing getting older, instead each new day is a chance to discover more of ones self.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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Great 5-7-5 poem, time makes you wiser and helps you to discover who you are. A great thought to stop fearing getting older, instead each new day is a chance to discover more of ones self.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2011
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Thank you .. glad you liked it..:) but i wanted to know whether there is a need to make changes in the last line?
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I think the last line is fine.
Comment from rjuselius
when someone is lost in life, and has no real sense of achievement, there will come the possibility of a window open.
the poem itself seems a bit forced..
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when someone is lost in life, and has no real sense of achievement, there will come the possibility of a window open.
the poem itself seems a bit forced..
Comment Written 22-Oct-2011
Comment from meg2
I like this. The message is very true and you have taken an old proverb and put a new spin on it to relay that message to others. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2011
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I like this. The message is very true and you have taken an old proverb and put a new spin on it to relay that message to others. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2011
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Thank you.. glad you liked it.
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Thank you.. glad you liked it.
Comment from alexisleech
This is so true. It can take a lifetime, long or short to discover who you really are, and this poem inspires us to keep living, keep trying and keep hoping. Great sentiment in so few words. well done.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2011
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This is so true. It can take a lifetime, long or short to discover who you really are, and this poem inspires us to keep living, keep trying and keep hoping. Great sentiment in so few words. well done.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2011
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Thank you.. glad you liked it.
Comment from oNray
O K good thought. I wish you good luck in the contest. I like the poem as it does provoke thought and a search for solutions. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2011
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O K good thought. I wish you good luck in the contest. I like the poem as it does provoke thought and a search for solutions. Nicely done.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2011
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Thank you.. glad you liked it.
