Comment from Chris Tee

Needs Improvement

Sorry I had to abandon the read because this is not in the required format.
You will not shape in the contest.
This is a three line poem required.
It must have 5 syllables not words in the first line.
7 syllables not words in the second.
It must have 5 syllables in the last line
Let me try to help you.
It is a 5-7-5, haiku and senryu format, Ok:
Example:
I love you so much = 5 syllables
My love for you is extreme = 7 syllables
Much is love for you = 5 syllables
Three lines only you see
Every = 3 syllables e=1 ve=1 ry=1 total = 3
Now do not give up go and edit it.
Take your time to figure it out do not rush Ok.
Once you have edited it reply to me.
I shall re-review it for you.
If you do not understand tell me in your reply Ok,
I shall try to help you further
Never quit.

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011

Thanks for the pointer. I'll try.

Comment from daniela.albu

Excellent

This is a good short poem in memoriam of 9/11. It expresses many feelings in very few, well chossen words. The line:
"Shattered lives heaped broken dreams. " is vividly evoking the tragedy concluding the poem.

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011

Thanking from my innermost joy