Comment from sasil

Excellent

Oh ouch--makes me sad these situations are real. Makes me hug my kids tighter, a little bit longer. Nice job keeping the twist until the end--a male prostitute, instead of the expected female. One thing I wondered though: timeframe
the first scene I gather is the result or oral sex. The john is quickly recovered enough for a go at the backdoor or are there more than one johns? Very grim and gritty--you did a terrific job describing the horror.
S.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

Hi Lisa! Thank you! I clarified this...you were right, it was too quick...so, I added a 'friend'...I heard a song, that for some reason sparked this. There are many kids on the streets of our big cities...and it's awful. I bet many just starve or are murdered. The poor parents. So, thanks again. You are a brave reviewer. xoxo, susan

Comment from forestport12

Excellent

I got through it. Gut wrenching to say the least, but you have proven you can write a short intense piece with the best of them. Honest writing has been your trademark. The part about the twenty dollar bill and the butterfly was great. Stan

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

Hi Stan...thank you for being brave and going ahead with this. I upped the 'rating' thing too, two others said I should and I think they were right. SO, an extra thank you for being here for me...Susan

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

I don't know quite what
to say as a comment to
this, Susan.. to me
it's red-hot terror...

I know you've given warnings, but
I would consider placing it under
erotica or whatever, so it's for
the over 18's

it flies away

Margaret

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

Hi Margaret! Yes, I made it for over 18! You are right, and someone else said the same too. I heard a song that stuck with me and I had to write about it. SO sad...all too real. And imagine the parents. Thank you again for being brave...xoxo, susan

Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran

Excellent

A well written story needs no edit and is true to life. Hi Susan we often think we are hard done by in our own homes. But it's better to be miserable in your own surrounding than in one you are not familiar with.You displayed your story well. Mary

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

Hi Mary...I am very grateful that you read this...I heard a song and it stuck with me for some reason. SO sad...so real. I thought for once I should live up to my screen name? LOL...Thank you again Mary...xoxo, susan

Comment from Thesis

Excellent

Very well told. This story is reality for a lot of people. Your description of the pain and humiliation are spot-on. Throughout the story I imagined this being a young girl. The twist at the end with it being a boy, was unexpected. - John

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

Hi John...Yes, it's boys too...so sad...I heard a song and had to write about the pain this band sings about. The poor parents left to wonder and never really know. Thanks again for being brave. Susan

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, susan, a great job writing this story about the man who was used and abused and got out the only way he thought he could. it's sad how many times this probably happens.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

Hi Pam...thank you for being brave and reading this...I did make it for 'mature' readers...and just think of the poor parents. SO sad...Thanks again Pam...Susan

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

You've caught it all, Susan. The shame, the terror, the ugliness. And the knowledge that this was a last resort for your runaway, who is a victim of his own actions. Well done. :) Nancy

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

HI Nancy...Thank you...i did try to capture the reality of these things. And think of the poor parents...for some reason, this time I wanted to live 'up' to my screen name. Thanks again Nancy...Susan

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

That's one rough ride, Susan, and, of course, you saved the kicker for the last. I understand why you told it this way. It's required. I hope you don't get a lot of backlash. This one will stay with me for a while.
Good, brave job.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

Hi Lee! Thank you! I heard a song that stayed with me for some reason. It's so sad...the forgotten ones. And the poor mom and dad at home, never knowing. I did make this for 18 or over too...and most of all, a heartfelt congratulations for winning story of the month again! You deserve it and more. Hope you publish soon. I'm still rooting for you. Susan

Comment from oNray

Excellent

I am giving this on the poem not the content. Subject and direction, and presentation work well together. Flow was rough but designed to be so. Not every topic makes a good poem.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011

Hi there! Thank you...I can't get the prose chest to work on my account so I do have to always use a poetry chest? I've tried everything. I also made this for 18 and over as well. And I thank you very very much for reading and reviewing too! Susan

Comment from Chris Tee

Excellent

This is a extremely heartfelt piece we have here old sport.
It had a twist in the tale being a he and not a she.
Only found one small error as below
"I wish I were (was) dead."
Well done with this splendid write here ma'am.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011

Hi Chris! I will check the nit and I do thank you!! I really appreciate your bravery in reading this raw tale of woe. It's awful that wallstreet gets trillions in 'aid', yet we let our poor and homeless, just rot. Just wrong...well. Better not get started...thanks again Chris! Susan