Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Part two, Chapter 11"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
86 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This was well done chapter.
It flowed and pulled me along. Your imagery around you characters continues to support them. And I find Anna getting stronger as she is determined to protect her child.
Paul and Troy, creating a safe heaven for them both was also a nice touch to the ever posing problem of safety and protection against her Ex husband.
Nicely done.
Maureen
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
  |
This was well done chapter.
It flowed and pulled me along. Your imagery around you characters continues to support them. And I find Anna getting stronger as she is determined to protect her child.
Paul and Troy, creating a safe heaven for them both was also a nice touch to the ever posing problem of safety and protection against her Ex husband.
Nicely done.
Maureen
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for the kind reviw.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A another great chapter.. I'm so
lost in Ann's troubles (having
experienced most of what she has)
I get quite concerned for her.
I hope she stays strong, not allowing
that B of a husband break her spirit.
souped up???
the livin groom
the living room
He stood
Anna stood
They stood - this would be fine, Barbara, if they weren't so close together. might you consider splitting them.. i.e.
Anna rose to her feet .. or even.
Getting up, Anna followed
Margaret
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
A another great chapter.. I'm so
lost in Ann's troubles (having
experienced most of what she has)
I get quite concerned for her.
I hope she stays strong, not allowing
that B of a husband break her spirit.
souped up???
the livin groom
the living room
He stood
Anna stood
They stood - this would be fine, Barbara, if they weren't so close together. might you consider splitting them.. i.e.
Anna rose to her feet .. or even.
Getting up, Anna followed
Margaret
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Souped up is an American term for a car engine that's been doctored. I will correct those other areas.
Comment from Sweet Anita
You've done a good job of bringing the subject of child abduction to light. There are so many in the last few years. I find story very interesting. The dialogue seems natural and believable. There are couple of spags I saw that you might want to take a look at.
"I'll meet you there. - needs quotation mark at the end
that car was supped up. - souped up
livingroom - living room
Good job creating Anna's mood. :o)
Nita
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
You've done a good job of bringing the subject of child abduction to light. There are so many in the last few years. I find story very interesting. The dialogue seems natural and believable. There are couple of spags I saw that you might want to take a look at.
"I'll meet you there. - needs quotation mark at the end
that car was supped up. - souped up
livingroom - living room
Good job creating Anna's mood. :o)
Nita
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
I must have been making the changes as you were reading. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Herb
Another great chapter in your very easy going style. The dialogue is real and natural sounding the pace seems fine. Not my type of story, but well written.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
Another great chapter in your very easy going style. The dialogue is real and natural sounding the pace seems fine. Not my type of story, but well written.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AprilShower
Hi, Barbara.
She's dealing with mentally unstable people. They will stop at nothing to get their way. It's awful when a person has to deal with this kind of person. She's dealing with two of them. You are showing the reality of the situation she married into, a big error. A person has to be really careful about the kind of person they are marrying. Good story, which shows reality. Hopefully, it wake some people up before its too late.
Missed spelled word below:
soupped up (should be 'souped up'). When you have two vowels together, you don't double the ending consonants when you add 'ed'. It is slang, but it is the dictionary under 'soup up'.
April
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
Hi, Barbara.
She's dealing with mentally unstable people. They will stop at nothing to get their way. It's awful when a person has to deal with this kind of person. She's dealing with two of them. You are showing the reality of the situation she married into, a big error. A person has to be really careful about the kind of person they are marrying. Good story, which shows reality. Hopefully, it wake some people up before its too late.
Missed spelled word below:
soupped up (should be 'souped up'). When you have two vowels together, you don't double the ending consonants when you add 'ed'. It is slang, but it is the dictionary under 'soup up'.
April
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
I had changed it and still messed it up. Thank you for your kind reivew.
Comment from robina1978
So your husband has to do his bit as well has he?
Liked it.
Nice chapter; is so true someone like Anna will never feel 100 0/0 safe.
She is so lucky she gets all possible help.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
So your husband has to do his bit as well has he?
Liked it.
Nice chapter; is so true someone like Anna will never feel 100 0/0 safe.
She is so lucky she gets all possible help.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from sunilmathur
Maybe, because it is Chapter 11, and I haven't read the previous chapters, I found it a bit confusing. All I could make out was it has to do something about the kidnapping of a child, the child having been subsequently rescued. Too many characters brought into the scene was one impression I got. But maybe this again is because I have not read the previous chapters, where you must have introduced the characters to your readers. Despite all this, it made interesting reading. You seem to be good at writing dialogues in a crisp natural way.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
Maybe, because it is Chapter 11, and I haven't read the previous chapters, I found it a bit confusing. All I could make out was it has to do something about the kidnapping of a child, the child having been subsequently rescued. Too many characters brought into the scene was one impression I got. But maybe this again is because I have not read the previous chapters, where you must have introduced the characters to your readers. Despite all this, it made interesting reading. You seem to be good at writing dialogues in a crisp natural way.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
I have had 35 posts and all the characters have a reason for being there. I am sorry you were confused. I am glad you got the points for reviewing.
-
I was not confused at all. It seems you have not bothered to read or understand the review properly. I have clearly stated that since I had not read the earlier 10 Chapters, I was not familiar with the characters whom you must have introduced in the earlier Chapters. I had in fact praised you that in spite of my reading the book straightaway from the 11th Chapter, I found it interesting. Even a child is able to see the number of stars awarded, and from this is able to make out whether the review is favorable or adverse.
Comment from jadapenn
Oooh la la, we're all set for a little romantic interlude. But hurdles keep jumping in the way. I like this quiet family scene. Anna fits in well with Troy's fam.
We'll do our best to protect[you], my darling."
I enjoyed. luv jada
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
Oooh la la, we're all set for a little romantic interlude. But hurdles keep jumping in the way. I like this quiet family scene. Anna fits in well with Troy's fam.
We'll do our best to protect[you], my darling."
I enjoyed. luv jada
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
I iwll make that correction.
Comment from rosine (roneth)
I enjoy reading this chapter.
I like the methods you use to build suspense. You do that thorough dialogue and you also do so by your chapter's cut-off point (layman's language).
The dialogue moves the plot along at a steady pace and it does not feel or sound unnatural. The exchange is very natural.
Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
I enjoy reading this chapter.
I like the methods you use to build suspense. You do that thorough dialogue and you also do so by your chapter's cut-off point (layman's language).
The dialogue moves the plot along at a steady pace and it does not feel or sound unnatural. The exchange is very natural.
Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review. I use layman's language all the time. Nothing fancy here.
-
You are welcome!
Comment from Chris Tee
Have I missed a chapter here or not because I get all your posts as a fan.
This might be ahead of me. It is still a good part of a chapter my dear friend. I do not understand why I missed out on something in the book.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
Have I missed a chapter here or not because I get all your posts as a fan.
This might be ahead of me. It is still a good part of a chapter my dear friend. I do not understand why I missed out on something in the book.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
I thought you had reviewed all my work. Part 1 of Chapter 11 is when Michael was attempted to be abducted. Is that what you missed?
-
Yes I missed that somehow.
