Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

I think it's great fun, Ine. This is developing into a really sweet tale that I think children would love. I like also that it often carries a message about behaviour and discipline. Well done.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks ever so much for your review. Take care, Ine

Comment from rchitwood

Excellent

Very good story it is creative and I enjoyed reading this.As before I think this is a good children's story and you have put good imagination in it.Good dialogue and characters I would recommend.Blessings Rita

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks ever so much for your review. Take care, Ine

Comment from Charlene0513

Good

To Robina1978,
I find in this short story a lot of energy and enthusiasm with also lesson taught when one does not obey.

Mrs. Dragonlake told the whole class,as soon as they started getting homework: (fragmented)

1)Mrs. Dragonlake told the whole class, they would be bringing homework home.
2)***be careful and be sure you separate you statements in narration.
3)(The)Princess[:](asked,)"Can you tell me exactly what ["what"-omit] your house and the woods nearby look like? Then maybe I can help you."
Charlene

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks ever so much for your review. Take care, Ine

Comment from WilliamDeen

Excellent

They talked about this with her this at the parent-teacher meeting. ///
They talked about this with her at the parent-teacher meeting.

socialized with most other children/// socialized with the other children

their parents had told them /// take out had.... their parents told them

say." most///change period after say to a comma

so early anymore///so early. /// leave off the word anymore

Mareng had found // Mareng found/// leave out had... only use had when absolutely necessary

lovely looking human girl- a lot older/// lovely human girl, a lot older

Princess: "Can/// The Princess said, "Can

After she had left,/// After she left,

Mareng was told off really seriously///Mareng was scolded

they explained why so/// they explained why, so

GREAT Chapter to add to your book. Just needs some grammar adjustments!

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks so much for your kind review. Take care, Ine. Thanks for the tips. Will see to them tomorrow as we are going to watch TV now.

Comment from MarcusB63

Needs Improvement

I has a whole lot going on, very wordy. I'd advise placing a little more focus on keeping it simple and count the and's and but's.

However, I can see where the storyline is going. That part had my interest.

Keep it up!

MWB

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 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks

Comment from Misrael

Exceptional

Very good childrens story and keeps the attention. I enjoyed reading it very much. I think that writing for children is very good and needed. Somethings that are written for children are not good for children but this is good. Good Job.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks ever so much for your kind review. Take care my friend, Ine. Oh thanks so much for the six- too generous, but pleased you liked it that much. I also think children should go back to reading more.

reply by Misrael on 06-Oct-2011

Yes I agree that reading is very important and that children should read more. But we as adults need to encourage them to read more and try to make it fun for them. Reading opens up a whole new world and you can learn anything you want to learn if you can read.

Comment from ephraim crud, COS.

Excellent

Dutchess Ine, your style so suits this kind
of story, it's wonderfully charming, and would
be easy and perfect for children to understand
and, more importantly, to learn from.
thank you for sharing another peek at Mareng
and his adventures.
warmly, xx, eph.

p.s.- typo:

They had met so many animals to play with that it would go 'too' far to mention.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks ever so much for your kind review. Take care my friend, Ine. Thanks for pointing out the error.

Comment from oNray

Excellent

I believe you have here and have presented a good story for children. I think the attention would be held, as the story moves on in good speed with a message that can be understood. This should fly !!

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks ever so much for your kind review. Take care my friend, Ine. Someone else just asked me to eleberate a bit more and put more dialogues in. Have to ponder about this. Tend to see your view.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

geography and history was added - were added
Little children who are given so much homework that there is no time to play on those afternoons? That is NOT an educational method I like at all. Sounds horrific to me.
The did not like it - They did
I like your use of dialogue in this chapter
I like that the getting lost scene is well-developed
Brooke

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 Comment Written 06-Oct-2011

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011

Thanks for your kind review Brooke and for picking up on my typo.
Absolutely agree with you here on it not being an educational method-just made it up for the story's sake. Homework comes later. Take care, hon, Ine