Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "At the Precipice"Case Studies of Hauntings
56 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Had to go back and catch up, Bev!
Another exciting read. A nail-biter of a conclusion to the chapter.
Hugs,
Sonali
the MPS team has documented phenomen(a)
possibly-possessed caretaker (the hyphen is probably not required here)
allowing her thoughts to raise up out of the muck.... suggest: ... allowing her thoughts to rise out of the muck/ to rise up from the muck
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
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Had to go back and catch up, Bev!
Another exciting read. A nail-biter of a conclusion to the chapter.
Hugs,
Sonali
the MPS team has documented phenomen(a)
possibly-possessed caretaker (the hyphen is probably not required here)
allowing her thoughts to raise up out of the muck.... suggest: ... allowing her thoughts to rise out of the muck/ to rise up from the muck
Comment Written 27-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
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Hi, Sonali
Thanks for the great review and suggestions. As always, I appreciate your editorial insights as well.
Happy Sunday, my friend.
XX Bev
Comment from royowen
Well done with this in depth and broad chapter. I wonder what spooked Mage and caused her to run through the door that subsequently shut itself and locked itself. Yes and at the beginning they were trying to escape so rapidly Mike nearly overturns the vehicle, both Mke and Luke are worried about Mia, who doesn't seem to be handling the paranormal well. Well done , Bev, excellent work, my friend, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Well done with this in depth and broad chapter. I wonder what spooked Mage and caused her to run through the door that subsequently shut itself and locked itself. Yes and at the beginning they were trying to escape so rapidly Mike nearly overturns the vehicle, both Mke and Luke are worried about Mia, who doesn't seem to be handling the paranormal well. Well done , Bev, excellent work, my friend, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Hi, Roy. Your review makes me realize how much activity I had going in this chapter! Whew, hard to keep it all straight. :)
I really appreciate both your generosity and your time, my friend.
:) Bev
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Well done Bev
Comment from Phoenix Rysing
I love your writing. I don't have any changes to suggest here. I'd just read another piece where MPS meant magic piece of sh**, so I was a little thrown. Not your fault! Great job here.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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I love your writing. I don't have any changes to suggest here. I'd just read another piece where MPS meant magic piece of sh**, so I was a little thrown. Not your fault! Great job here.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Lizbo2016. I really appreciate you taking time out to read my chapter and for your encouragement. Yikes, I might need to find another name for the team. Originally it was the the TransAtlantic Paranormal Society, but someone said that name was already taken. :)
Have a great weekend.
Bev
Comment from aryr
Wow. The suspense is killing me. I am impressed with the way you have manage to create such intense mystery and suspense. You have said so much yet is seems as if you have said so little-such a wonderful technique. I enjoyed what each character brought to the story including Mage the cat. I greatly anticipate the future writings. Thank you ever so much.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Wow. The suspense is killing me. I am impressed with the way you have manage to create such intense mystery and suspense. You have said so much yet is seems as if you have said so little-such a wonderful technique. I enjoyed what each character brought to the story including Mage the cat. I greatly anticipate the future writings. Thank you ever so much.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Hi, aryr. Thank you for this most encouraging and generous review. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. There's lots more to come as the mystery at the Manor deepens.
Your kind words are most appreciated. Have a good weekend!
:) Bev
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you are most welcome
Comment from judiverse
Great work in this. A lot of tension. The team is right in deciding to call it a night. There's the question of Jim's trustworthiness. Is he out for his own purposes, or has he come under the spell of the house's supernatural forces? I like the addition of Bernadette and her response to learning that the quartet are paranormal investigators. The cat, Mage, adds to the story when she takes to Emma but has a hissy fit about something and runs out of the room in the middle of the night. I may have missed a part, but I didn't know about Emma's volleyball interest. Apparently that leads to her thoughts of leaving the investigation. Seems like she may miss the game after all. Very intriguing. judi
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Great work in this. A lot of tension. The team is right in deciding to call it a night. There's the question of Jim's trustworthiness. Is he out for his own purposes, or has he come under the spell of the house's supernatural forces? I like the addition of Bernadette and her response to learning that the quartet are paranormal investigators. The cat, Mage, adds to the story when she takes to Emma but has a hissy fit about something and runs out of the room in the middle of the night. I may have missed a part, but I didn't know about Emma's volleyball interest. Apparently that leads to her thoughts of leaving the investigation. Seems like she may miss the game after all. Very intriguing. judi
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thanks so much, Judi. There was a brief mention of her Volleyball interest in the previous chapter. Mage senses something alright!
:) Bev
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You're very welcome. Cats are quite perceptive. Mage could probably sense trouble coming. Eager to find out what that is. judi
Comment from F. Wehr3
I know I have read something else by you, but I am not sure if I have read from this series. I thought it was very good and your writing is very clean. Nice job! I can't comment on story or characters at this time.
I found two things for your consideration.
'A slow-spreading warmth filled her chest allowing her thoughts to raise up out of the muck.' My suggestion would be to put a comma after chest.
'Stretching her legs full length she stared at her toes rather than meet Mia's eyes.' I would suggest a comma after length.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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I know I have read something else by you, but I am not sure if I have read from this series. I thought it was very good and your writing is very clean. Nice job! I can't comment on story or characters at this time.
I found two things for your consideration.
'A slow-spreading warmth filled her chest allowing her thoughts to raise up out of the muck.' My suggestion would be to put a comma after chest.
'Stretching her legs full length she stared at her toes rather than meet Mia's eyes.' I would suggest a comma after length.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thanks for your kind review, F. I did have the chapter proofed by my personal editor and those two areas didn't get mentioned. Still, I appreciate your suggestions and will take a second look.
:) Bev
Comment from Serendipity!
I feel like a fly that's smack in the middle of a white canvas. (Good, clear description)
You have described your characters sufficiently for me to get a pretty good idea of what at least some of them are like. What I know about the paranormal is about as much as I read right here. :)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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I feel like a fly that's smack in the middle of a white canvas. (Good, clear description)
You have described your characters sufficiently for me to get a pretty good idea of what at least some of them are like. What I know about the paranormal is about as much as I read right here. :)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thanks for the review!
:) Bev
Comment from w.j.debi
Even though there is no ghostly contact in this chapter, it still gives me chills. This group needs to take a breath and re-group. We get a chance to know the characters and what drives them a bit better, especially Emma. She finds herself in a place of conflict between her parents, beliefs and friends.
Excellent descriptions. The dialog is engaging and realistic. The ending leaves me wondering what the cat really is. Great hook to lead into the next chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Even though there is no ghostly contact in this chapter, it still gives me chills. This group needs to take a breath and re-group. We get a chance to know the characters and what drives them a bit better, especially Emma. She finds herself in a place of conflict between her parents, beliefs and friends.
Excellent descriptions. The dialog is engaging and realistic. The ending leaves me wondering what the cat really is. Great hook to lead into the next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Hi, Debi
You are exactly correct about this chapter. I did feel the Team and the reader both needed a break from all the action.
Thanks for getting that!
I really appreciate your continued support for my novel. Your generosity and encouragement mean a lot.
:) Bev
Comment from robyn corum
WFD,
VERY interesting chapter. I will have to try to catch more of this book! I enjoyed getting to know these characters.
Some notes, if you'll permit:
1.) As I read, I noted a great use of metaphors -- that FIT the story. (So unlike many of the chapters I read, where the metaphors are SHOVED into place and actually DISRUPT the reading rather than aid in it.)
2.) I like the way I can HEAR the different voices of some of the characters. Great job!
3.) "When we're involved in a case," he (informed her,) "(w)e sometimes go into the early morning hours...
--> sounds like he's concluding BEFORE the conclusion...
4.) check out her shed once we've concluded this case."
--> another 'conclude' close to the other one.
5.) But the current case was unlike anything she and the team have ever faced
--> changed tenses. (suggest either:)
--> 'is' unlike ...have ever faced.... (or)
--> was unlike...'had' ever faced...
6.) LOVE the freaky cat! *smile*
7.) Hesitated to mention it - that's why this is out of order -- but I'm wondering on the Mia adjusting somebody's clothes. Sounds motherly to me, not like a companion/co-worker. Especially after Emma had just flicked the cap (another instance of one person touching/adjusting another person's clothes.) Personal opinion, probably.
8. Do you realize you have a lot of 'empty space' after your post and before the ratings box? This is already a rather lengthy piece and that adds even more the the impression of length. Just a note.
Hope this helps!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2016
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WFD,
VERY interesting chapter. I will have to try to catch more of this book! I enjoyed getting to know these characters.
Some notes, if you'll permit:
1.) As I read, I noted a great use of metaphors -- that FIT the story. (So unlike many of the chapters I read, where the metaphors are SHOVED into place and actually DISRUPT the reading rather than aid in it.)
2.) I like the way I can HEAR the different voices of some of the characters. Great job!
3.) "When we're involved in a case," he (informed her,) "(w)e sometimes go into the early morning hours...
--> sounds like he's concluding BEFORE the conclusion...
4.) check out her shed once we've concluded this case."
--> another 'conclude' close to the other one.
5.) But the current case was unlike anything she and the team have ever faced
--> changed tenses. (suggest either:)
--> 'is' unlike ...have ever faced.... (or)
--> was unlike...'had' ever faced...
6.) LOVE the freaky cat! *smile*
7.) Hesitated to mention it - that's why this is out of order -- but I'm wondering on the Mia adjusting somebody's clothes. Sounds motherly to me, not like a companion/co-worker. Especially after Emma had just flicked the cap (another instance of one person touching/adjusting another person's clothes.) Personal opinion, probably.
8. Do you realize you have a lot of 'empty space' after your post and before the ratings box? This is already a rather lengthy piece and that adds even more the the impression of length. Just a note.
Hope this helps!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2016
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Hi, Robyn
Thanks for the excellent, and very helpful review. I appreciate you reading the chapter with a sound editorial eye. For clarity, Mia is a sort of mother to the other team members. Having said that, I decided to change the section you mention since it does come in close proximity to the previous action.
I have absolutely no clue to why the AN's are so far down the page. I'm not happy with it either, but see now way to change it as it is all within the submission guidelines. Sigh...
:) Bev
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
I'm so glad you're continuing with the story. Another wonderful chapter with excellent visuals, dialogue and characters. I felt like I was sitting in the car with friends, listening to the conversations. Your descriptions are excellent.
Another awesome chapter.
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2016
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Hi, Bev.
I'm so glad you're continuing with the story. Another wonderful chapter with excellent visuals, dialogue and characters. I felt like I was sitting in the car with friends, listening to the conversations. Your descriptions are excellent.
Another awesome chapter.
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2016
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Hi, Rosalyne
Thanks for the encouragement, buddy. I'm having fun writing this novel, and am glad that others are enjoying the story, too.
Got lots more excitement to come. hehehe
I really appreciate your generosity and support. Your specific insights made me smile!
Big Hug,
Bev
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Hi, Bev.
I can't wait to read more! Your story is exciting, fresh and different from anything I've read. I'm looking forward to what happens next.
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
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Thanks, again, Rosalyne. I'm comforted knowing you're on board!
XXXOOO Bev
