The dragon Mareng
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Mareng's next period at school."Mareng growing up and all kinds
18 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
You explain the school lessons in good clear detail
I would like to see you cover a little less ground in a chapter and flesh out the scenes you do include with more dialogue. :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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You explain the school lessons in good clear detail
I would like to see you cover a little less ground in a chapter and flesh out the scenes you do include with more dialogue. :-) Brooke
Comment Written 06-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Thanks once more. See what you mean, but dialogues are so difficult for me. Ine.
Will think about it of course.
Comment from Jean Lutz
I am a care-giver for very young children and I am amazed at what they can learn from birth or even before. We should all be very aware of the example we are setting. The first words from the tiny little mouth may just be the words they heard from you.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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I am a care-giver for very young children and I am amazed at what they can learn from birth or even before. We should all be very aware of the example we are setting. The first words from the tiny little mouth may just be the words they heard from you.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Thanks for your kind review. Blessings, Ine. What a nice think to do Jean.
Comment from Charlene0513
To Robina1978,
A fictitious story about a dragon and his run in with a horse accompanied by his friend, Mara.
Robina, you have a tendancy to be repititious in your sentences or possibly could have several lines conbined, saying the same thing in shorter context.
Otherwise it was fine.
Charlene
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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To Robina1978,
A fictitious story about a dragon and his run in with a horse accompanied by his friend, Mara.
Robina, you have a tendancy to be repititious in your sentences or possibly could have several lines conbined, saying the same thing in shorter context.
Otherwise it was fine.
Charlene
Comment Written 04-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Thanks for your kind review. Blessings, Ine. Nice to see you again.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, robina, a great job writing this chapter in your book about mareng the dragon, i enjoyed readging it and didn't notice any grammar errors...
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2011
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this is very well written, robina, a great job writing this chapter in your book about mareng the dragon, i enjoyed readging it and didn't notice any grammar errors...
Comment Written 04-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2011
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Thanks for your kind review. Blessings, Ine
Comment from rchitwood
If Mareng and Mara are like human children I can tell you no.I don't know of any children that play together does so without any problems.Your story has good dialogue and very creative imagination>Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2011
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If Mareng and Mara are like human children I can tell you no.I don't know of any children that play together does so without any problems.Your story has good dialogue and very creative imagination>Blessings Rita
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2011
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Thanks for your kind review. Blessings, Ine
Comment from Osiek
Just before they were called into school that afternoon, Mareng asked Mara if she would like to come with him after school.
"Ooh yes please, Mareng, sounds like fun to me. I should ask Mum if it is alright."
Mareng responded, (colons is not correct format)"m(M)y Mum phoned your Mum and she said it is fine with her."
(Is there a reason you put all the sentence without spaces? I put the spaces in to indicate a new paragraph. A new speaker means a new paragraph. A new action requires a new paragraph. If spaces are not there, it is hard for the reader to understand who is speaking. Other spots in the story have the same problem as I see it. I am wondering why you continue to put dialogue tag in front of the quotation marks? Is this something that I do not know about? It may not make a difference, but to me it looks a bit strange when it is done too often.)
I love the story.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Just before they were called into school that afternoon, Mareng asked Mara if she would like to come with him after school.
"Ooh yes please, Mareng, sounds like fun to me. I should ask Mum if it is alright."
Mareng responded, (colons is not correct format)"m(M)y Mum phoned your Mum and she said it is fine with her."
(Is there a reason you put all the sentence without spaces? I put the spaces in to indicate a new paragraph. A new speaker means a new paragraph. A new action requires a new paragraph. If spaces are not there, it is hard for the reader to understand who is speaking. Other spots in the story have the same problem as I see it. I am wondering why you continue to put dialogue tag in front of the quotation marks? Is this something that I do not know about? It may not make a difference, but to me it looks a bit strange when it is done too often.)
I love the story.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Thanks for your kind review. Take care, Ine.Will see to the points you make tomorrow, too tired now.
Comment from TammyGail
Another great chapter here .. I love your children's work
Its well written and still easy for the little
Ones to understand .. Perfect read and picture
Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Another great chapter here .. I love your children's work
Its well written and still easy for the little
Ones to understand .. Perfect read and picture
Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Thanks so much for your kind review. Blessings, Ine.
Comment from rheabug
And so the story of the small dragon continues with him having fun in school. The teacher seems very innovative with her teaching ideas. I think this will be a great
story for children...One Slight error I think in the line...
Has anybody an idea were we will go today?" ...should It not say where instead of the were? It is a great story! Blessings, Linda
....
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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And so the story of the small dragon continues with him having fun in school. The teacher seems very innovative with her teaching ideas. I think this will be a great
story for children...One Slight error I think in the line...
Has anybody an idea were we will go today?" ...should It not say where instead of the were? It is a great story! Blessings, Linda
....
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Thanks so much for your kind review. Blessings, Ine. Thanks for picking out yet another error.
Comment from ephraim crud, COS.
Oh, i'm a tad disappointed, i wanted the dog's name
to be Tyburn! lol.
another enthralling chapter, dear Dutchess Ine, and
so deliciously written.
whoooo, can't wait to see what happens next...
warmly, xxx, eph.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Oh, i'm a tad disappointed, i wanted the dog's name
to be Tyburn! lol.
another enthralling chapter, dear Dutchess Ine, and
so deliciously written.
whoooo, can't wait to see what happens next...
warmly, xxx, eph.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Thanks so much for your kind review. Blessings, Ine.
Comment from Dutchie
Hi Ine . So cute this story about the experiences and the development of a little dragon and how he learns all kind of skills. The story is told very well and has a good flow that makes it a pleasure to read. Well done my friend. Liefs Fia
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Hi Ine . So cute this story about the experiences and the development of a little dragon and how he learns all kind of skills. The story is told very well and has a good flow that makes it a pleasure to read. Well done my friend. Liefs Fia
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Thanks so much for your kind review. Blessings, Ine.
