Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Almost..."A collection of my children's poems
87 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
This is the cutest little kid ever. Had to be you or one of yours, it's so authentic in viewpoint and vocabulary.
I love the ''We'll fiksh your miffing toof.' I was already smiling at the painter tying him up in self-defence(so visual) then you hit me with the 'toof' and I burst out laughing. (Thank you for that!! It felt great.)
I need to google 'one million-squillion miles' LOL
Great rhyme and it reads smoothly with out a hitch.
Marvelous and congrats on your first place win. Well deserved.
Where are my sixes on a Saturday? Sorry, steve:( This is when FS feels real sucky.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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This is the cutest little kid ever. Had to be you or one of yours, it's so authentic in viewpoint and vocabulary.
I love the ''We'll fiksh your miffing toof.' I was already smiling at the painter tying him up in self-defence(so visual) then you hit me with the 'toof' and I burst out laughing. (Thank you for that!! It felt great.)
I need to google 'one million-squillion miles' LOL
Great rhyme and it reads smoothly with out a hitch.
Marvelous and congrats on your first place win. Well deserved.
Where are my sixes on a Saturday? Sorry, steve:( This is when FS feels real sucky.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thank you, bd. No, I think if I had a kid like this I'd be in the nuthouse by now - maybe am amalgam of my own and a few others...
I seem to be on a hot streak lately writing winning poems from a young child's perspective. It has me baffled, but my wife says she understands perfectly...
Steve
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I guess you wife understand that 'little boy' in you. LOL You're welcome, Steve.:)bd
Comment from ephraim crud, COS.
very, very nicely done, Steve, and well deserving
top honours, again.
the scansion's spot on and rolled along
effortlessly, as a good write should.
i doff me cap.
thanks for sharing.
regards, eph.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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very, very nicely done, Steve, and well deserving
top honours, again.
the scansion's spot on and rolled along
effortlessly, as a good write should.
i doff me cap.
thanks for sharing.
regards, eph.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thank you, Eph. Four-way tie at the top for this one.
I seem to be on a hot streak lately writing winning poems from a young child's perspective. It has me baffled, but my wife says she understands perfectly...
Steve
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haha. mind, it's no bad thing. the chief here reckons mine is nowt but childish jibberish. anyways, well done. eph.
Comment from oNray
This is a fun little number. The poem has good structure, good, rhyme, good rhythm and flows so clean. Then to bring in the content= well the entire poem is a delight.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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This is a fun little number. The poem has good structure, good, rhyme, good rhythm and flows so clean. Then to bring in the content= well the entire poem is a delight.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thank you - I seem to be on a hot streak writing from the point of view of small children. My wife says that makes perfect sense to her!
Steve
Comment from happy to be here
Good One. Had a bit of a day like this with my youngest today. Good to read about it from the hcild's perspective. Brought a "smile to the dial" for me. Thankyou
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Good One. Had a bit of a day like this with my youngest today. Good to read about it from the hcild's perspective. Brought a "smile to the dial" for me. Thankyou
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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It's probably all the hot air from Parliament going to his/her head! Glad you got a giggle out of this, and I got a quarter of first prize...
Steve
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Great result for you, well done!
Comment from closetpoetjester
Haha great entry and more than worthy winner.
You delivered the goods in every flawless line. Wonderful balance of comical imagery coupled up with many typical scenarios...Sounds like you could be speaking from experience with some of this...as they say, the truth is always better than fiction and I tend to agree...even if loosely based. Too many good lines to quote but of particular merit I liked the painters excuse for tieing you up and also your rendition of what the doctor said...it took me two go's to pronounce it! LOL
Top job and congrats on the win...really well deserved and you certainly have a knack for rhyme and meter along with great comical timing and most importantly delivery. I thought the last line was off by a syllable and on the second read noticed the ";" on the end and assumed no pause...it worked fine then. Great stuff.
Cheers closet
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Haha great entry and more than worthy winner.
You delivered the goods in every flawless line. Wonderful balance of comical imagery coupled up with many typical scenarios...Sounds like you could be speaking from experience with some of this...as they say, the truth is always better than fiction and I tend to agree...even if loosely based. Too many good lines to quote but of particular merit I liked the painters excuse for tieing you up and also your rendition of what the doctor said...it took me two go's to pronounce it! LOL
Top job and congrats on the win...really well deserved and you certainly have a knack for rhyme and meter along with great comical timing and most importantly delivery. I thought the last line was off by a syllable and on the second read noticed the ";" on the end and assumed no pause...it worked fine then. Great stuff.
Cheers closet
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thanks, closet.
The prize was actually split 4 ways in this so it was a bit of a cliffhanger.
Some experience, yes. I have two boys, grown now thankfully.
That last line can be a bit tricky, but it works well if you hit it right.
Don't know if someone's trying to tell me something, but this one and my Teddy Bear poem, both written in haste and both from a child's POV have done extremely well, whereas I have sweated blood over an entry for the Blank Verse comp. and don't hold great hopes for it.
Steve
Thanks again.
Steve
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I know the feeling...sometimes my ten minute haikus fair better than my 8 stanza rhymer that took me two hours to write and perfect.
Go with what works mate.
Cheers closet
PS Pity about the four way tie for first...sharing it with one is bad enough but three? Yikes.
Never mind. Any is better than none I suppose.
This really was a terrific poem Steve with line for line value...each line or couple of lines was like a story in itself.
A LOT going on...
Comment from Laurie Clayton
Lol...my sides hurt! No wonder this one won!
As mother to a two year old...I thank you for
the heads up.
Great observational humour told
with the voice of a child, just for good
measure.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Lol...my sides hurt! No wonder this one won!
As mother to a two year old...I thank you for
the heads up.
Great observational humour told
with the voice of a child, just for good
measure.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thanks, Laurie.
The prize was actually shared four ways for this contest - very tight.r own one - I only exaggerated a little bit!
Steve
Glad you enjoyed my little terror and good luck with you
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, kiwi, a great job writing this poem about the mischevious nature of children that gets them into too much trouble. congrats on the win....
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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this is very well written, kiwi, a great job writing this poem about the mischevious nature of children that gets them into too much trouble. congrats on the win....
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thank you - the contest was split four ways this time.
I had fun thinking of all the mischief a little tyke could get up to.
Steve
Comment from Melspoems
This is a very entertaining poem.
It's funny the disaster children can cause while they think the are being helpful.
Great job using language of a child..loved the million squillion miles and the fuzzy worm.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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This is a very entertaining poem.
It's funny the disaster children can cause while they think the are being helpful.
Great job using language of a child..loved the million squillion miles and the fuzzy worm.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thank you.
Just one of those funny things that popped out once I got the first couple of lines on paer.
Steve
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Steve,
A worthy winner. Great construction, rhyme and metre as ever, funny lines and an excellent punch line, to me a necessity for all humorous poems. 'onya!
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Dear Steve,
A worthy winner. Great construction, rhyme and metre as ever, funny lines and an excellent punch line, to me a necessity for all humorous poems. 'onya!
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thanks, Reg.
Haven't seen you around for a while...
I've been keeping busy - had a win with a kid's poem a few days ago, have an entry in the Blank Verse comp, and have started work on a bit of an epic story poem which might be to your taste.
Steve
Comment from ameen786
When it comes to serious laughter, there's only one poet/writer who almost always meets the challenge of providing that uncanny wit and amusement, my friend you are an individual, a very talented individual and no wonder that you win all the awards and well deserved too, thanks for the fun read, have a great weekend.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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When it comes to serious laughter, there's only one poet/writer who almost always meets the challenge of providing that uncanny wit and amusement, my friend you are an individual, a very talented individual and no wonder that you win all the awards and well deserved too, thanks for the fun read, have a great weekend.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the very kind words. Had to share this one four ways, but I was happy with that as my poem probably warped the intent of the prompt somewhat.
More coming - watch this space!
Steve
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You betcha! Looking forward to.
