THE CHASE
The Devil must be killed to save mankind26 total reviews
Comment from Nosha17
That was a powerful story, I am not too fond of werewolves and horror, but it was so well written and the message so overpowering. You made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and it read really well. Faye
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
  |
That was a powerful story, I am not too fond of werewolves and horror, but it was so well written and the message so overpowering. You made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and it read really well. Faye
Comment Written 14-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thank you I appreciate your reading of the story and your comments. Still, I know it could be better. I write again . . .
Comment from barleygirl
Being a survivor of ongoing child sexual abuse, I can assure you, you have nailed this obsession one has with wanting to kill the perpetrator. Your story has dozens of clever "tricks" that work well to progress the story and also to immerse the reader . . . like the second mention of "cloven hooves." The recognition of the coach as being "another exploiter" is a brilliant creative touch. The discussion of various medical aspects shows good research & unusual details, adding to the complex weaving of this story. This is a very tight & fresh & bewildering story. Great job.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014
|
Being a survivor of ongoing child sexual abuse, I can assure you, you have nailed this obsession one has with wanting to kill the perpetrator. Your story has dozens of clever "tricks" that work well to progress the story and also to immerse the reader . . . like the second mention of "cloven hooves." The recognition of the coach as being "another exploiter" is a brilliant creative touch. The discussion of various medical aspects shows good research & unusual details, adding to the complex weaving of this story. This is a very tight & fresh & bewildering story. Great job.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014
-
Thank you.
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good attention grabbing introduction that sets the tone of this piece. Good transitioning between the events using time lines. It's hard for me to read about abuse of any nature but when you know Jesus, with the abuse comes forgiveness. To God be the glory.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014
|
Good attention grabbing introduction that sets the tone of this piece. Good transitioning between the events using time lines. It's hard for me to read about abuse of any nature but when you know Jesus, with the abuse comes forgiveness. To God be the glory.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014
-
Thank you
Comment from CR Delport
I see this is an old story. Did you edit it before you reposted? I found that in just a year, my writing evolved so much, that what I wrote a year ago, needs a lot of work now :) It is still an interesting read.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
|
I see this is an old story. Did you edit it before you reposted? I found that in just a year, my writing evolved so much, that what I wrote a year ago, needs a lot of work now :) It is still an interesting read.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
-
I re posted it, with minor revisions, in order to get the all time best rating; no big deal, but this is as far as a story can go. Then on to other stories. Yes, reviewing my writing after a long period of time makes me realize how long it may take to advance out of the amateur rating.
Thanks for the review.
Comment from Erik McGinley
Good story. It saddens me to think that people have experienced this sort of thing, as we know we have.
Well written and a nice flow with just enough of a hook on the end to get the reader wondering what's coming next.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2013
|
Good story. It saddens me to think that people have experienced this sort of thing, as we know we have.
Well written and a nice flow with just enough of a hook on the end to get the reader wondering what's coming next.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2013
-
Thank you
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a marvelous read! You masterfully express the feelings of the hero in this piece. The deep seated drive for revenge that permeates his entire being. The counter balance of doing it all in the name of goodness is beautifully constructed and completely captivates the reader. This is very worthy of all the recognition it has received and I thank you so much for sharing it with me.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
|
This is a marvelous read! You masterfully express the feelings of the hero in this piece. The deep seated drive for revenge that permeates his entire being. The counter balance of doing it all in the name of goodness is beautifully constructed and completely captivates the reader. This is very worthy of all the recognition it has received and I thank you so much for sharing it with me.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
-
Thank you
Comment from barkingdog
He has terribly tortured dreams of revenge for what was done to him as a child. Your story is very clearly written--very visual. I keep seeing the cloven hoof, the bite mark and for some reason smell damp stone work. (Strange you didn't mention that.)
Yes, we need to do better, find and punish the perpetrators of domestic violence.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
|
He has terribly tortured dreams of revenge for what was done to him as a child. Your story is very clearly written--very visual. I keep seeing the cloven hoof, the bite mark and for some reason smell damp stone work. (Strange you didn't mention that.)
Yes, we need to do better, find and punish the perpetrators of domestic violence.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
-
Thank you.
Comment from gene roush
This is good.
You have the ability to create nice imagery and set the scene well, and a character that readers can care for.
I was once told by a literary agent to never use a dream as a hook. Apparently, it turns readers away. The third paragraph is a really nice hook.
I think you've fallen into a pattern of beginning too many sentences begin with "I".
This story has great potential, and it appears to me that you have the talent to bring it to life.
Thanks for sharing
I hope to see more of this story.
Gene
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
 |
This is good.
You have the ability to create nice imagery and set the scene well, and a character that readers can care for.
I was once told by a literary agent to never use a dream as a hook. Apparently, it turns readers away. The third paragraph is a really nice hook.
I think you've fallen into a pattern of beginning too many sentences begin with "I".
This story has great potential, and it appears to me that you have the talent to bring it to life.
Thanks for sharing
I hope to see more of this story.
Gene
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
-
Thank you.
Comment from B. Diehl
I love this. And my sister is absolutely OBSESSED with fantasy stories of this type. I will share it with her! Thank you for posting this awesome piece. :)
-B<3
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
|
I love this. And my sister is absolutely OBSESSED with fantasy stories of this type. I will share it with her! Thank you for posting this awesome piece. :)
-B<3
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
-
Thank you.
Comment from MERRY1
this is a sad indictment of the events that are happening in many institutions today. These corrupt males should be castrated and as they are usually figures in places of power it takes very strong children to stand up to them and make sure they get what is due to them. They pick on the young and the vulnerable and ruin many lives. Thank you for this thought provoking piece.I was wondering about the spelling of the title is this intentional Shepard. well done
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
|
this is a sad indictment of the events that are happening in many institutions today. These corrupt males should be castrated and as they are usually figures in places of power it takes very strong children to stand up to them and make sure they get what is due to them. They pick on the young and the vulnerable and ruin many lives. Thank you for this thought provoking piece.I was wondering about the spelling of the title is this intentional Shepard. well done
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
-
Thank you.
