Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Part three, Chapter 10"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
79 total reviews
Comment from rchitwood
As always very good and a pleasure to read this your story is very believable and I hope it reaches anyone who has been abused.Your story has good dialogue and characters.I would recommend this to others.Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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As always very good and a pleasure to read this your story is very believable and I hope it reaches anyone who has been abused.Your story has good dialogue and characters.I would recommend this to others.Blessings Rita
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from axelbeariter
When Anna and Paul walked through the Sorenson front door, Betty and Troy greeted them./Sorensons' front door sounds better.----Everett asked as he and Paul joined everyone in the living room./Put a comma after asked.----It's just a waste of money./Better to identify who's money, so the reader has a clear picture.----I didn't notice this table was made of wood a few days ago./Re-write as: I didn't notice a few days ago that
this table is made of wood. The other sentence implies the table changed to wood from a few days ago.---- The judged glared at Bobby and leaned closer./judged should read judge.----You'll pay at the courthouse and we'll see Mrs. Rodgers receives it./Put that after see.----Anna wobbled trying to stand./Re-write as: Anna wobbled while trying to stand or While trying to stand, Anna wobbled.----This portrayed a great picture of how abusers think. Good job.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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When Anna and Paul walked through the Sorenson front door, Betty and Troy greeted them./Sorensons' front door sounds better.----Everett asked as he and Paul joined everyone in the living room./Put a comma after asked.----It's just a waste of money./Better to identify who's money, so the reader has a clear picture.----I didn't notice this table was made of wood a few days ago./Re-write as: I didn't notice a few days ago that
this table is made of wood. The other sentence implies the table changed to wood from a few days ago.---- The judged glared at Bobby and leaned closer./judged should read judge.----You'll pay at the courthouse and we'll see Mrs. Rodgers receives it./Put that after see.----Anna wobbled trying to stand./Re-write as: Anna wobbled while trying to stand or While trying to stand, Anna wobbled.----This portrayed a great picture of how abusers think. Good job.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I am off to make the corrections.
Comment from MS Writer
If only all the Anna's in the world had a family like this to take care of them. Written with a great deal of emotion and compassion. Obviously this subject is very important to you. Great work.
Michele
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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If only all the Anna's in the world had a family like this to take care of them. Written with a great deal of emotion and compassion. Obviously this subject is very important to you. Great work.
Michele
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from ameyrowitz
I have been caught up in this interesting story from recent readings. You have a talent for good narrative and compelling dialogue. There is a lot of tension in Anna's situation. I'll look forward to more.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I have been caught up in this interesting story from recent readings. You have a talent for good narrative and compelling dialogue. There is a lot of tension in Anna's situation. I'll look forward to more.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
I'm glad Anna won her case and that the judge ruled the way he did. But now Anna is so scared Bobby will kill her, when he gets out of jail, because he is so mad at her. He is a cruel man with not too many brains. I hope he does something so stupid and will be behind bars for years. This is a great chapter and I enjoyed it. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Hi Barbara,
I'm glad Anna won her case and that the judge ruled the way he did. But now Anna is so scared Bobby will kill her, when he gets out of jail, because he is so mad at her. He is a cruel man with not too many brains. I hope he does something so stupid and will be behind bars for years. This is a great chapter and I enjoyed it. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
typo in Chapter
Bobby and his mother are a couple of real characters - There he is with a police officer standing right there threatening her already
I just bet being ordered to pay support has him riled up, not to mention supervised visitation
You make it clear Anna can in no way breathe a sigh of relief at this point. Excellent dialogue. Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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typo in Chapter
Bobby and his mother are a couple of real characters - There he is with a police officer standing right there threatening her already
I just bet being ordered to pay support has him riled up, not to mention supervised visitation
You make it clear Anna can in no way breathe a sigh of relief at this point. Excellent dialogue. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I will correct that. Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Shirley McLain
How terrible to have to be so afraid, especially of the father of your child. So are so many frightening situations we have in this world we live in. Great job.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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How terrible to have to be so afraid, especially of the father of your child. So are so many frightening situations we have in this world we live in. Great job.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from HAWordsmith
Well-written, good character development and dialogue, brings the reader right into the story, makes them feel at home. A pleasure to have read. Many blessings.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Well-written, good character development and dialogue, brings the reader right into the story, makes them feel at home. A pleasure to have read. Many blessings.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from JW
Wow. It makes one wonder how someone can be as cold and cruel as Bobby is. Within this "chapgter" you do a great job in making your chapters very realistic.
Good job. JW
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Wow. It makes one wonder how someone can be as cold and cruel as Bobby is. Within this "chapgter" you do a great job in making your chapters very realistic.
Good job. JW
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from carmen vargas
Beautiful chapter with very interesting descriptive sequences, both the environment and the characters of Anna and Michael. The dialogues interspersed very well made. The strong realism author scenic prints each paragraph, without ignoring the plot axis. Very well done. Congratulations and good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Beautiful chapter with very interesting descriptive sequences, both the environment and the characters of Anna and Michael. The dialogues interspersed very well made. The strong realism author scenic prints each paragraph, without ignoring the plot axis. Very well done. Congratulations and good luck.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
