Day Dreaming
Senryu poem9 total reviews
Comment from Lise Deangelo
I like this senryu and that it's a daydream. I thought this an original idea for the prompt and excellently written. Thanks for sharing and best wishes for the contest :) Lise
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2011
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I like this senryu and that it's a daydream. I thought this an original idea for the prompt and excellently written. Thanks for sharing and best wishes for the contest :) Lise
Comment Written 21-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I am glad you liked my poem.
Comment from Tom C. Adams
Great little 5-7-5 from the sensuous side of the aisle. Enjoyed the -7-5 words spoken and words not spoken!
Good luck in contest!
Tom C. Adams
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
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Great little 5-7-5 from the sensuous side of the aisle. Enjoyed the -7-5 words spoken and words not spoken!
Good luck in contest!
Tom C. Adams
Comment Written 21-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
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Glad you enjoyed my "little daydream". :o) Thanks for the good review.
Comment from Joan E.
Welcome to FanStory--I hope the site fulfills your goals for membership. I enjoyed your 5-7-5 and the mood you captured. I liked your inclusion of alliteration and strong satori/comment line. -Joan
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
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Welcome to FanStory--I hope the site fulfills your goals for membership. I enjoyed your 5-7-5 and the mood you captured. I liked your inclusion of alliteration and strong satori/comment line. -Joan
Comment Written 21-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I am also hoping this site will help me improve my writing skills and get some much needed input on my work. So far, it has not disappointed me. Okay, I also want to thank you for adding a new word to my vocabulary: satori. I had to look it up. What fun. :o)
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I am pleased to have shared a useful word with you regarding haiku and glad the site has been rewarding. Best regards- Joan
Comment from words
This one certainly left me grinning.
Yes, this is my idea of a grand fantasy:
Warm bodies, cool satin sheets
A work day fantasy
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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This one certainly left me grinning.
Yes, this is my idea of a grand fantasy:
Warm bodies, cool satin sheets
A work day fantasy
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from waihekebach
Love in the aft...er...noon =6 syllables
warm bod...ies cool sat...in sheets =7
A work day fan...tas...y =6
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But hope you have time to edit it.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Love in the aft...er...noon =6 syllables
warm bod...ies cool sat...in sheets =7
A work day fan...tas...y =6
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But hope you have time to edit it.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Geez, if you can't trust your syllable counter. I ran this through 3 times and it came out correct.
Comment from Bloomer Burbs
Hi the author
Wow, a great message for those who are stuck at a desk all day dreaming of 'inside of the bed, er sorry, I mean outside of the computer screen 'box'.
An enticing senryu that warmed the cockles of my memory, LOL.
Good luck, Pete
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Hi the author
Wow, a great message for those who are stuck at a desk all day dreaming of 'inside of the bed, er sorry, I mean outside of the computer screen 'box'.
An enticing senryu that warmed the cockles of my memory, LOL.
Good luck, Pete
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Thanks Pete, for the warm review. I'm glad it gave you a good memory. :o) It did me, too.
Comment from mumsyone
Much better! Glad you could fix it. I'm upgrading my rating.
Love in the afternoon (6 syllables)
Warm bodies, cool satin sheets (7 syllables, ok)
A work day fantasy (6 syllables)
Oops! The contest calls for a 5-7-5 senryu, but yours is a 6-7-6. Hope you can fix the first and third lines.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Much better! Glad you could fix it. I'm upgrading my rating.
Love in the afternoon (6 syllables)
Warm bodies, cool satin sheets (7 syllables, ok)
A work day fantasy (6 syllables)
Oops! The contest calls for a 5-7-5 senryu, but yours is a 6-7-6. Hope you can fix the first and third lines.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Geez, if you can't trust your syllable counter. I ran this through 3 times and it came out correct. Guess, it's time to use the old brain pan, instead of the machine. Thanks
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Sometimes our brains are better than the machines we use!
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Thanks for pointing out my error. I
kept thinking I had too many syllables but the machine kept telling me I was okay. I know better than to trust a MACHINE. I did go back and attempt a fix. Thanks again. You were too kind to not slam me.
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Thank you for the upgrade. I really do appreciate it.
Comment from Kait Douglas
I really enjoyed this. Typically, this is not my favorite style of poetry (certainly no disrespect intended to you), but I've caught myself in similar daydreams, as I'm sure most have. It made me smile. Thank you.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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I really enjoyed this. Typically, this is not my favorite style of poetry (certainly no disrespect intended to you), but I've caught myself in similar daydreams, as I'm sure most have. It made me smile. Thank you.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Glad you enjoyed my poem and it made you smile.
Comment from daniela.albu
A very poetic senryu about love in the afternoon fantasy during a work day. You have here human emotion combined with day dreaming and vivid fantasy. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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A very poetic senryu about love in the afternoon fantasy during a work day. You have here human emotion combined with day dreaming and vivid fantasy. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
