Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Part one, Chapter 10"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
84 total reviews
Comment from angel123
Your story is very interesting and informative, especially your author notes. I enjoyed reading it and it held my attention. Your artwork choice enhances your story and so far your story informs me that everything is going in your favor.
Angel123
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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Your story is very interesting and informative, especially your author notes. I enjoyed reading it and it held my attention. Your artwork choice enhances your story and so far your story informs me that everything is going in your favor.
Angel123
Comment Written 13-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from SharonSue
This poor girl has been through the meat grinder. You again have aroused my interest. Your writing continues to grab my attention and anticipation for the next chapter. You have displayed the nervousness, tension, doubt that she is not doing something right, the fear of her ex to be.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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This poor girl has been through the meat grinder. You again have aroused my interest. Your writing continues to grab my attention and anticipation for the next chapter. You have displayed the nervousness, tension, doubt that she is not doing something right, the fear of her ex to be.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and the support.
Comment from healfromwithin
This was written well. Attention was paid to SPAGs; good job. Check all facts regarding sentencing and charges to make sure they are correct. (you are probably pretty close to correct.)
Since most states have no-fault divorce, adultery isn't usually a factor in "winning" or "losing" in divorce court like it was in the "old days." Nearly all divorces in no-fault states site "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for divorce.
Custody of the child would only come into question if the custodial parent was abusive, neglectful or dangerous to the child; adultery would not pose a factor.
A few lines of the dialogue were a bit stiff/formal. Try using some light slang and contractions to give them a more current, authentic sound.
Good job on the overall story. Good luck on your writing.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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This was written well. Attention was paid to SPAGs; good job. Check all facts regarding sentencing and charges to make sure they are correct. (you are probably pretty close to correct.)
Since most states have no-fault divorce, adultery isn't usually a factor in "winning" or "losing" in divorce court like it was in the "old days." Nearly all divorces in no-fault states site "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for divorce.
Custody of the child would only come into question if the custodial parent was abusive, neglectful or dangerous to the child; adultery would not pose a factor.
A few lines of the dialogue were a bit stiff/formal. Try using some light slang and contractions to give them a more current, authentic sound.
Good job on the overall story. Good luck on your writing.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Creativewriter3
This was a pretty cool read! I liked how the opening caught my attention right away so I was immediately drawn into the story. I'll come back and review more =)
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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This was a pretty cool read! I liked how the opening caught my attention right away so I was immediately drawn into the story. I'll come back and review more =)
Comment Written 13-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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I am wonder what I need to improve to get a five. Thank you for the review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Another excellent chapter which is engrossing. The story is moving forward briskly, and the book promises to be a page turner. You have selected a relevant and thought provoking issue. My only peeve is your chapters are too short and leave us with a feeling of dissatisfaction.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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Another excellent chapter which is engrossing. The story is moving forward briskly, and the book promises to be a page turner. You have selected a relevant and thought provoking issue. My only peeve is your chapters are too short and leave us with a feeling of dissatisfaction.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from jpafford
An excellent read and your photo matches perfectly...we think of domestic violence being between lovers, husbnd and wives, etc. but there is an increasing court load of domestic violence between a parent and a child..there is nothing more heartbreaking than to receive a letter from the court to a parent saying "the perpetrator will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law...another computer spitout that human didn't read when the perpetrator is a child and the only funding for mental illness treatment is to file domestic charges against your own child in an attempt to get treatment thru the justice systems where the money is instead of funding mental hospitals. A good read.
Joanne
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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An excellent read and your photo matches perfectly...we think of domestic violence being between lovers, husbnd and wives, etc. but there is an increasing court load of domestic violence between a parent and a child..there is nothing more heartbreaking than to receive a letter from the court to a parent saying "the perpetrator will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law...another computer spitout that human didn't read when the perpetrator is a child and the only funding for mental illness treatment is to file domestic charges against your own child in an attempt to get treatment thru the justice systems where the money is instead of funding mental hospitals. A good read.
Joanne
Comment Written 12-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review,
Comment from teacherdub
Still strong emotions emanating from the storyline. PI part will bring further suspense to the growing connection of Troy to Anna. Good flow, and I sense something is not going to go exactly as planned with Bobby's sentencing. Perhaps I'm stretching this, but the ground work has been plotted for him to interject his rage into this relationship far too soon. Keep writing, Barbara. This is a fine work in progress. td
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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Still strong emotions emanating from the storyline. PI part will bring further suspense to the growing connection of Troy to Anna. Good flow, and I sense something is not going to go exactly as planned with Bobby's sentencing. Perhaps I'm stretching this, but the ground work has been plotted for him to interject his rage into this relationship far too soon. Keep writing, Barbara. This is a fine work in progress. td
Comment Written 12-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from MelissaBickel
Domestic Violence is hard to read about, but I think you do it tastefully. Thank goodness your character doesn't have the remorseful take the husband back syndrome. I'm just now getting into your story and I like what I've read so far. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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Domestic Violence is hard to read about, but I think you do it tastefully. Thank goodness your character doesn't have the remorseful take the husband back syndrome. I'm just now getting into your story and I like what I've read so far. Nicely done.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Larrypic11
I agree that two full trial scenes would be too much,Barbara, especially if one is especially intense and requires a greater degree of dialogue a explanation to get the full view of the situation. This continues to be a riveting piece of work. Good luck as you continue. Larry
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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I agree that two full trial scenes would be too much,Barbara, especially if one is especially intense and requires a greater degree of dialogue a explanation to get the full view of the situation. This continues to be a riveting piece of work. Good luck as you continue. Larry
Comment Written 12-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Denise S
I enjoyed reading your story it was nicely told and it was so very intriguing. Your topic was just right too. Your message was one that is needed so badly.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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I enjoyed reading your story it was nicely told and it was so very intriguing. Your topic was just right too. Your message was one that is needed so badly.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
