Waiting....
.... and waiting11 total reviews
Comment from Just Alyx
Sorry it's taken me a bit to get to this, I've fallen behind lately. Real life calls. I have to be fair to others and mark you down for this one because the humour did rule the offering, but I'll state categorically it was a bloody good entry for all the other elements. In poetic form? Really well done and what I imagined for a poetry entry. I got more sense of characterisation/story in this brief piece than I often glean from long prose writes here. It was clever, entertaining and Heaven-cheeky. Damn computers. I agree. Cheers for the fun and craftsmanship with your entry, hang the 'rules'(except for booth time), and hope you had fun with it. Cheers for entering. Alyx.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2011
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Sorry it's taken me a bit to get to this, I've fallen behind lately. Real life calls. I have to be fair to others and mark you down for this one because the humour did rule the offering, but I'll state categorically it was a bloody good entry for all the other elements. In poetic form? Really well done and what I imagined for a poetry entry. I got more sense of characterisation/story in this brief piece than I often glean from long prose writes here. It was clever, entertaining and Heaven-cheeky. Damn computers. I agree. Cheers for the fun and craftsmanship with your entry, hang the 'rules'(except for booth time), and hope you had fun with it. Cheers for entering. Alyx.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2011
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Thanks, Alyx - I knew it was against the rules, but I wanted to experiment with a poetic dialogue and found I just couldn't do that without it turning towards the slightly wacky.
It actually did quite well in the contest which shows that many people either don't know or don't care about the rules!
Cheers
Steve
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Good, ay. Freedom! No worries, Steve.
Comment from ReaThomas
I bookmarked this and didn't review. My bad. I think some of the other reviews on this are a little overly critical. I found it a lighthearted piece of dialogue and extremely clever. In fact you rhyme was flawless and made reading it so easy. Okay so it's humour, and technically breaches the terms of the contest, but you know what - so? I found it funny and it perked me. I don't understand why someone would say they didn't understand what is going on... it was clear to me.
Much love,
Rea x
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
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I bookmarked this and didn't review. My bad. I think some of the other reviews on this are a little overly critical. I found it a lighthearted piece of dialogue and extremely clever. In fact you rhyme was flawless and made reading it so easy. Okay so it's humour, and technically breaches the terms of the contest, but you know what - so? I found it funny and it perked me. I don't understand why someone would say they didn't understand what is going on... it was clear to me.
Much love,
Rea x
Comment Written 10-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
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Thank you - glad you enjoyed this, as I had fun writing it, although I got a little lost reying to find a suitable ending.
It's actually doing OK in the contest, which just goes to show that voters don't necessarily care about the rules. Hmmm... I wrote a poem about tht once, cranky that I'd followed the rules and someone who didn't was getting all the votes. It's called 'Winning's Easy'
I can only think the reviewer who didn't understand failed to see that it was a dialogue...
Thanks again.
Comment from manicblue
I loved this and almost, voted for it. In re-reading, I don't know why I didn't, but there were several good entries, yours included.
I'd like to become a 'fan' if you don't mind. You don't have to reciprocate, but I'd love to read more of your writings.
Take care. :)
mb
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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I loved this and almost, voted for it. In re-reading, I don't know why I didn't, but there were several good entries, yours included.
I'd like to become a 'fan' if you don't mind. You don't have to reciprocate, but I'd love to read more of your writings.
Take care. :)
mb
Comment Written 08-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Thank you - I didn't really expect to win with this - I ignored the contest 'rules' but I wanted to see how the dialogue thing could work in verse - started off with a chance meeting on a park bench and ended up in heaven - if only it was that easy!
Comment from gazzagodbod
what a great poem loved it great idea computerised heaven lol great read made me smile best of luck in the contest my friend gazzagodbod
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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what a great poem loved it great idea computerised heaven lol great read made me smile best of luck in the contest my friend gazzagodbod
Comment Written 08-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Thanks, Gazza
Not quite what was asked for, but it was fun trying out dialogue in verse...
Comment from adewpearl
It didn't really occur to me anyone would enter poetry in this contest, but you have done it totally in dialogue and the dialogue is wonderfully funny.
Excellent use of abab rhyming and you set the humorous situation up extremely well.
As for the contest, I just reread the rules, and it pretty much forbids you from entering a humor piece. So, on its own merits, I would rate this excellent any day, but as a contest entry, I feel forced to rate it a four. Brooke
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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It didn't really occur to me anyone would enter poetry in this contest, but you have done it totally in dialogue and the dialogue is wonderfully funny.
Excellent use of abab rhyming and you set the humorous situation up extremely well.
As for the contest, I just reread the rules, and it pretty much forbids you from entering a humor piece. So, on its own merits, I would rate this excellent any day, but as a contest entry, I feel forced to rate it a four. Brooke
Comment Written 08-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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I know, I know.....
I just wanted to see how this would work in verse and then the crazy took over and steered it in this direction. Fun though...
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The crazy took over - is that kinda like, "The devil made me do it"? LOL
Comment from bob cullen
I have just one complaint, it ended.
This was delightful, it had rhyme, balance and a great feeling of fun.
I look forward to reading more of your work
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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I have just one complaint, it ended.
This was delightful, it had rhyme, balance and a great feeling of fun.
I look forward to reading more of your work
Comment Written 08-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Thanks, Bob
Not quite what was asked for, but it was fun trying out dialogue in verse...
Comment from Bellydanser
Quite clever in your use of dialogue and telling the story.
One thing, your first line starts with a lower case "i" when all of the others are capitalized. You might want to change that for consistency's sake. Good luck.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Quite clever in your use of dialogue and telling the story.
One thing, your first line starts with a lower case "i" when all of the others are capitalized. You might want to change that for consistency's sake. Good luck.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Thanks - I'll fix that typo.
I know this isn't quite what the contest asked for but I wanted to test the dialogue thing in verse...
Comment from DrearyMouse
Well, this was a cute idea and kind of funny, but I don't think it fits the contest challenge on a couple of bases.
Firstly, we were told not to write about humor for this contest, so I think that automatically counts this one out.
Also, this IS all written in dialogue, it's not really realistic dialogue, as no one sits around chatting like that in rhyme.
However, you've made a cute piece, and maybe you can place it elsewhere. Might be good for a slot in a Christian magazine.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Well, this was a cute idea and kind of funny, but I don't think it fits the contest challenge on a couple of bases.
Firstly, we were told not to write about humor for this contest, so I think that automatically counts this one out.
Also, this IS all written in dialogue, it's not really realistic dialogue, as no one sits around chatting like that in rhyme.
However, you've made a cute piece, and maybe you can place it elsewhere. Might be good for a slot in a Christian magazine.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Well, I'll cop the one about humour - this started more as an experiment with dialogue in verse, but then the funny demons took over!
There was nothing in the rules about realism, though - if you think about it, none of the entries are realistic e.g. the mugger carrying on a long conversation with his muggeee and ending up giving him money....
And yet that looks like being the (deserved) winner - fair bit of understated humour there too, I'd say.
Thanks for reading anyway
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True true. I am sorry for being overly critical. My professional writer/editor with the red pen often sneaks in and I have to remind myself that this is not that kind of environment.
Comment from e.m.robinson
Flows well. Very good entry for dialogue contest... works well in this poem,with your twist, especially with your rhyme scheme.The very idea that entering Heaven would be handled on computers is very clever.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Flows well. Very good entry for dialogue contest... works well in this poem,with your twist, especially with your rhyme scheme.The very idea that entering Heaven would be handled on computers is very clever.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Thanks. I know this is not quite what the contest organiser had in mind, but I wanted to see how this would work in verse...
Comment from WilliamDeen
Cute making Heaven on a networked computer program! Your poem has a very nice rhyming scheme and the cadence of the poem is smooth.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Cute making Heaven on a networked computer program! Your poem has a very nice rhyming scheme and the cadence of the poem is smooth.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2011
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Thanks, Gazza
Not quite what was asked for, but it was fun trying out dialogue in verse...
