Dance Me to the Moon
behind the curtain40 total reviews
Comment from peggles
I enjoyed reading this
You have shown Paige's apprehension extremely well
Your story has good characters
I like the way you wrote your ending
Best wishes for the contest
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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I enjoyed reading this
You have shown Paige's apprehension extremely well
Your story has good characters
I like the way you wrote your ending
Best wishes for the contest
Comment Written 06-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind and generous review, peggles. Also appreciate the good luck wishes...Bev
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Quite sensual, infact.
Soaking in the tub and sipping the Champagne, she closed her eyes and visualized herself with Kyle, his hands moving along the curves of her waist and belly. Feeling the edges of sensations she realized she missed, her body felt alive and whole.
[[ Liked it]]
K
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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Quite sensual, infact.
Soaking in the tub and sipping the Champagne, she closed her eyes and visualized herself with Kyle, his hands moving along the curves of her waist and belly. Feeling the edges of sensations she realized she missed, her body felt alive and whole.
[[ Liked it]]
K
Comment Written 06-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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Thank you so much, K. I appreciate your support and generosity! Bev
Comment from Semchuva
Nice story. I appreciated the message and the unexpected explanation at the end. However, the end seemed a bit abrupt and the giggle of a five year old incongruous for such a serious milestone in Paige's recovery. The transitions between the discussion with the doctor and then again between the reunion and scene in the room were a bit abrupt. But, this story has great bones, please keep working with it.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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Nice story. I appreciated the message and the unexpected explanation at the end. However, the end seemed a bit abrupt and the giggle of a five year old incongruous for such a serious milestone in Paige's recovery. The transitions between the discussion with the doctor and then again between the reunion and scene in the room were a bit abrupt. But, this story has great bones, please keep working with it.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your comments and suggestions.
Comment from Lise Deangelo
I enjoyed reading this flash fiction very much. You convey Paige's apprehension well. Your story is well-structured with good character development. I like the positive ending. Thanks so much for sharing and best wishes for the contest :) Lise
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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I enjoyed reading this flash fiction very much. You convey Paige's apprehension well. Your story is well-structured with good character development. I like the positive ending. Thanks so much for sharing and best wishes for the contest :) Lise
Comment Written 06-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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Hi, Lise. Thank you for your great review. I really appreciate your time and interest as well as your good wishes! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Scribelle
This is an accurate portrayal of the feelings after breast cancer. The anxiety, victory, and remembrance are all part of the experience. (I know that personally.) I love that she calls Dr. Carson at the end and says, "I couldn't have done it without you." It highlights the effect that support after such an experience makes all the difference. Your story follows a logical sequence, leaves just enough to the end to bring a surprise to the reader, and is true to each character portrayed. Well done and a great read. Thank you!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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This is an accurate portrayal of the feelings after breast cancer. The anxiety, victory, and remembrance are all part of the experience. (I know that personally.) I love that she calls Dr. Carson at the end and says, "I couldn't have done it without you." It highlights the effect that support after such an experience makes all the difference. Your story follows a logical sequence, leaves just enough to the end to bring a surprise to the reader, and is true to each character portrayed. Well done and a great read. Thank you!
Comment Written 06-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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Hi, Scribelle. I am really honored by your beautiful and inspiring review. I am sorry to hear that the story was reminiscent of your own experience, though. I worked for a surgeon for years and it was at a time when mastectomties tended to be of the more radical nature. I am so happy for breast cancer victims that there are more options today. It was always sad to me that more women weren't given the time or option of seeking a psychological evaluation beforehand. After all, they did require it for the weight reduction patients! Never understood that. Many thanks for your support...Bev
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For what it's worth, I am one of the lucky ones - DCIS contained, sliced, nuke & tamoxifenned. I am now clear. However, we don't speak much about how the woman feels, and I think we need to. I have lost 3 friends to breast cancer, and people have no idea what it's like to survive. I am shaped funny now, and clothes fit weird, but thanks to some counselling I sought out myself afterward, I am OK with the memories. My point is how accurately you portray it, and how readable it is to those who have not gone through it. Well done!
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Thank you so much for your generous, personal note, Scribelle. I'm happy to hear all is well with you! I did see a few patient's who had reconstruction done. Unless the plastic surgeon is a wizard, there are still issues to be dealt with. Thank you so much for affirming my efforts to educate. Blessings, Bev
Comment from ReaThomas
Hi there.
This is a lovely piece about recovery and finding happiness again. I enjoyed that it wasn't too long (owing to it being Flash fiction). I found Paige easy to relate to, and she struck a chord of sympathy with me.
Good luck in the contest!
Much love,
Rea x
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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Hi there.
This is a lovely piece about recovery and finding happiness again. I enjoyed that it wasn't too long (owing to it being Flash fiction). I found Paige easy to relate to, and she struck a chord of sympathy with me.
Good luck in the contest!
Much love,
Rea x
Comment Written 05-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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Hi Rea. I appreciate your comment very much on the piece's length. A few reviewers felt it didn't quite hit the mark, so I am happy that it meshed with you. Thank you so very much for your insights and support. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Bev,
I don't know what I expected the ending to be and am sorry you had to limit the number of words. With more words you could have explained it better. I suppose Paige finally accepted her fate and was happy with that. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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Hi Bev,
I don't know what I expected the ending to be and am sorry you had to limit the number of words. With more words you could have explained it better. I suppose Paige finally accepted her fate and was happy with that. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings, chey
Comment Written 05-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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Hi, chey. Thank you for your excellent review given the unsatisfactory feeling about the ending. I do appreciate your insights - I did intend the ending to reveal a movement in the direction of acting upon her psychotherapy and healing. Sorry that wasn't more obvious. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
Wow this is an excellent story. You covered it so well,that would be a very difficult episode in life to overcome. When you think of beginning a relationship after such a surgury it would be tough. You wrote this so well. I was glad to read that she giggled.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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Wow this is an excellent story. You covered it so well,that would be a very difficult episode in life to overcome. When you think of beginning a relationship after such a surgury it would be tough. You wrote this so well. I was glad to read that she giggled.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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Hi, DD. Thank you for your awesome review! It makes the effort worthwhile to hear from folks that get it, like you did. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from DrearyMouse
You've got the beginnings of something really great here. I find the opening slow, though.
I would launch right into the story at the part where you put "three weeks later." Then, try incorporating some of the back story into the present narration.
Also, I don't think you need to say the silicone implants in the bra are "breast-shaped," because I think that's pretty obvious. ;)
What does the ending mean? She's glad she went, and happy to tell her therapist about it, but you have jumped right from her thoughts about being with Kyle to her thought of calling the therapist.
I think there needs to be some kind of transition. Is she tempted to call Kyle? What stops her? Is she ashamed? Does she think he won't want her if he knew? Would she ever tell him?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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You've got the beginnings of something really great here. I find the opening slow, though.
I would launch right into the story at the part where you put "three weeks later." Then, try incorporating some of the back story into the present narration.
Also, I don't think you need to say the silicone implants in the bra are "breast-shaped," because I think that's pretty obvious. ;)
What does the ending mean? She's glad she went, and happy to tell her therapist about it, but you have jumped right from her thoughts about being with Kyle to her thought of calling the therapist.
I think there needs to be some kind of transition. Is she tempted to call Kyle? What stops her? Is she ashamed? Does she think he won't want her if he knew? Would she ever tell him?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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Thanks so much for your suggestions and review. To fill in the details as you have suggested would require me to go outside the parameters of the word count as this IS already near the word count of the Flash Fiction requirement.
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Not if you cut down the opening and incorporated some if it into the narrative later. But do what you want. :) Good luck!
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Thanks again.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, bev, a wonderful story about the woman that learned to accept the scars of breast surgery and move on with her life. i wish you the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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this is very well written, bev, a wonderful story about the woman that learned to accept the scars of breast surgery and move on with her life. i wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011
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Thank you so much for your great review, sweet. Much appreciated! Bev
