Performance Problems- My Life! LOL
Viewing comments for Chapter 75 "MY Trail of Feathers, Part 4"A halarious adventure with misery, but always joy!
4 total reviews
Comment from amahra
Wow, this was really long, but I read it because I knew I hadn't read many previous chapters and I'm sorry that I missed this story. But what I've read said that you are a very good writer and the dialogue was very believable.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2011
  |
Wow, this was really long, but I read it because I knew I hadn't read many previous chapters and I'm sorry that I missed this story. But what I've read said that you are a very good writer and the dialogue was very believable.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2011
-
You made me blush with this review. I thank you for it and the compliments. Mike
Comment from Van
Mike...this is the only part of your Novel that I've read. I'm not sure what you would like from a reader. The content is personal and appears to have an air that I wouldn't feel comfortable suggesting any type of adjustment. If you are writing this for a journaling purpose, then any format to record your thoughts and experiences is fine...I would think. However, if you are interested in printing this as a story for the public there are mechanical issues.
2nd Paragraph 1st word "I" change to "It".
4th paragraph consider removing comma after 'I couldn't help,' I paused unnaturally here and had to re-read.
Seventh paragraph consider splitting last sentence so as to not transfer the 'Harbored regrets' TO Robin's leaving when they are because of it.
Eighth para consider splitting the last sentence.
15th paragraph "then" to "than" 1st sentence. 2nd sentence, check to see if it's a fragment.
17th para Boss..'I should instead I should'... confusion here.
19th para End quotes to capture the quotation.
There are others along this same line. I just didn't want to stomp all over the mechanics if you really weren't concerned with it.
All-in-all...an interesting read with a lot of work having gone into this. Let me know if you'd like me to continue along these lines.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2011
 |
Mike...this is the only part of your Novel that I've read. I'm not sure what you would like from a reader. The content is personal and appears to have an air that I wouldn't feel comfortable suggesting any type of adjustment. If you are writing this for a journaling purpose, then any format to record your thoughts and experiences is fine...I would think. However, if you are interested in printing this as a story for the public there are mechanical issues.
2nd Paragraph 1st word "I" change to "It".
4th paragraph consider removing comma after 'I couldn't help,' I paused unnaturally here and had to re-read.
Seventh paragraph consider splitting last sentence so as to not transfer the 'Harbored regrets' TO Robin's leaving when they are because of it.
Eighth para consider splitting the last sentence.
15th paragraph "then" to "than" 1st sentence. 2nd sentence, check to see if it's a fragment.
17th para Boss..'I should instead I should'... confusion here.
19th para End quotes to capture the quotation.
There are others along this same line. I just didn't want to stomp all over the mechanics if you really weren't concerned with it.
All-in-all...an interesting read with a lot of work having gone into this. Let me know if you'd like me to continue along these lines.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2011
-
All I want from a reader/reviewer is an honest opinion on what they feel is important, and it is the sheer variety of reviews like that, which guides me in my writing. I feel the talents of writing and editing are two seperate entities and have to admit that mine rests with writing and not grammer. To be honest, after my school evalutations, it is a miracle that I write in the first place. I want to thank you for your this review, and have encountered such comments as in a chapter like this which I consider a transitional one. I am a work till you drop person, so valuing SPAG reports, I will look at and make any changes necessary tomorrow. Mike
Comment from Jean Lutz
This was a painful read for me. Divorce is rampant in my family. The Bible speaks of a generational curse. I think it may be true. For the record, when my husband and I divorced, there was a small amount of alimony offered (he already had a girl friend). I had my attorney take it out. The attorney said that I was the first he had seen in his practice that did not ask for anything for herself. I did try repeatedly to enforce the child support payments set by the court. He disappeared and I raised them successfully by prayer and hard work.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2011
|
This was a painful read for me. Divorce is rampant in my family. The Bible speaks of a generational curse. I think it may be true. For the record, when my husband and I divorced, there was a small amount of alimony offered (he already had a girl friend). I had my attorney take it out. The attorney said that I was the first he had seen in his practice that did not ask for anything for herself. I did try repeatedly to enforce the child support payments set by the court. He disappeared and I raised them successfully by prayer and hard work.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2011
-
I lucked out with the child support as in a previous chapter she informed me that was her intention with my decision to adopt her children, when their actual father is permitted to be a bum. If he actually had a little conviction to pay child support, all our lives would have been better, but it is a count you blessings thing. They still love their father, but I did my best to teach them the realality and limitations in doing so, lest they find themselves supporting him. While there is much pain portaid in this work, my main intention is to bring the nuts and bolts of thoughts and considerations into people's lives that may help them in making decisions and aslo improve their quality of life by keeping behaviors down that add to one's embitterness towards their own lives and others. My daily life and what I see tells me that is important to get across. I thank you very much for your compliments, review and sharing with me your own life. Always prayer and faith, and somehow it seems to me to make a difference. With love, Mike
Comment from poetstar
Thanks for sharing such personal, special, and dramatic events of your life. Glad you got rid of a bad wife, and that that is behind you. Sorry about your mom. I found all the details of your life interesting in this story. Keep up the good writing.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2011
|
Thanks for sharing such personal, special, and dramatic events of your life. Glad you got rid of a bad wife, and that that is behind you. Sorry about your mom. I found all the details of your life interesting in this story. Keep up the good writing.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2011
-
This work has been over a year and eight months in the making. I don't feel a reader should feel sorry about the loss of my mom, as it not only ended her suffering, I feel freed from her condition, she is closer to me then every and has at times worked her magic as she did when she was well. This is one of the many transitional chapters that has entered my life, and a combination of realization and faith has muted those harsh feelings that all too many have. In that respect I try to show the logic. I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike
-
I too am glad your mom is no longer suffering.
