poverty the brother of shame
a poem addressing life issues9 total reviews
Comment from Charmane
I like your poem because you cover so many topics in your poem. Sentiments are strong and clear! Your words are solid and clear,just making me draw near. keep writing and sharing the verse,straight up truth and sentiments,and no disguise.Be Blessed
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I like your poem because you cover so many topics in your poem. Sentiments are strong and clear! Your words are solid and clear,just making me draw near. keep writing and sharing the verse,straight up truth and sentiments,and no disguise.Be Blessed
Comment Written 19-Sep-2011
Comment from Van
very craftily done. Linked 5,7,5 to string your thematic piece. Great pic/text combination.
Content: superb
Flow: excellent
Mechanics: Spot-on
Very nicely done.
End Note: I've made it a practice to give to those who have less in order to foster the 'hand-up' mentality vice a 'hand-out'...I've been robbed repeatedly by the very same people to whom I've given. (I've kept a ledger of quantity. $33,645.44) By many different people. I guess when you give somebody something, they figure you have more than they do, so they justify taking more than what was given.
I say all this to let you know that I admire your poem, rate the work accordingly, but disagree with the premise.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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very craftily done. Linked 5,7,5 to string your thematic piece. Great pic/text combination.
Content: superb
Flow: excellent
Mechanics: Spot-on
Very nicely done.
End Note: I've made it a practice to give to those who have less in order to foster the 'hand-up' mentality vice a 'hand-out'...I've been robbed repeatedly by the very same people to whom I've given. (I've kept a ledger of quantity. $33,645.44) By many different people. I guess when you give somebody something, they figure you have more than they do, so they justify taking more than what was given.
I say all this to let you know that I admire your poem, rate the work accordingly, but disagree with the premise.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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OK thanks. giving to someone is not a guaranty that one will give you in return. but you will discover that when you are in need you need will be met by people you least expect. thank for reviewing my poem.
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OK thanks. giving to someone is not a guaranty that one will give you in return. but you will discover that when you are in need you need will be met by people you least expect. thank for reviewing my poem.
Comment from Lincoln's Black Dog
Sorry to give you such a low rating Pip but you clearly don't understand what a 5/7/5 entails.
Look at the contest example again. There should be only one 5/7/5 stanza.
Good luck for your next 5/7/5. I hoped I cleared that up.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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Sorry to give you such a low rating Pip but you clearly don't understand what a 5/7/5 entails.
Look at the contest example again. There should be only one 5/7/5 stanza.
Good luck for your next 5/7/5. I hoped I cleared that up.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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thanks.
Comment from Linda England Bonam
I think your poem has a powerful message that is necessary to at last correct this poverty problem! Getting the word out there. I think you should take the 5-7-5 off of this and just use it as a regular free verse poem. Some of the syllable counts seem to be off. It may be easier to just
write it as a poem, ot a specific syllable count. Very nicely done, though
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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I think your poem has a powerful message that is necessary to at last correct this poverty problem! Getting the word out there. I think you should take the 5-7-5 off of this and just use it as a regular free verse poem. Some of the syllable counts seem to be off. It may be easier to just
write it as a poem, ot a specific syllable count. Very nicely done, though
Comment Written 09-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011
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thanks i appreciate you suggestions
Comment from Cassie Needham
Very well written poem about poverty. Your message is clear and cleverly written. I like the red lettering against the purple background, makes the poem stand out. The sad picture pulls the poem together. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2011
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Very well written poem about poverty. Your message is clear and cleverly written. I like the red lettering against the purple background, makes the poem stand out. The sad picture pulls the poem together. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2011
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thanks.
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Your welcome!
Comment from adewpearl
Pip, your 5/7/5 syllable count is good in most of your stanzas - just a couple of lines are a little off
one/who/is/poor - has only 4 syllables when it should have 5
and/you/will/gain/my/barns has 6 when it should have 7
I think the contest only allows for one 5/7/5, not multiple 5/7/5 stanzas, so you might want to select just one stanza as your contest entry
Your commentary on poverty is strong
I particularly like the imagery in "one who is poor is trampled upon like floors"
Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2011
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Pip, your 5/7/5 syllable count is good in most of your stanzas - just a couple of lines are a little off
one/who/is/poor - has only 4 syllables when it should have 5
and/you/will/gain/my/barns has 6 when it should have 7
I think the contest only allows for one 5/7/5, not multiple 5/7/5 stanzas, so you might want to select just one stanza as your contest entry
Your commentary on poverty is strong
I particularly like the imagery in "one who is poor is trampled upon like floors"
Brooke
Comment Written 07-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2011
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thanks very much. i shall make the necessary correction. osasere
Comment from misscookie
I enjoyed reading your poem
Even though it is sad.
I like how your poem flows.
And you express it with so much emotion that it touched my heart.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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I enjoyed reading your poem
Even though it is sad.
I like how your poem flows.
And you express it with so much emotion that it touched my heart.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2011
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thank you. its nice to know my work is appreciated thanks
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You are welcome
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thanks
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my pleasure
Comment from ElPoetry001
Excellent challenge to charity.
God has the vineyards-charity, and many barns, and as he gives to you, and you give to them, yours can be replenished from the barns.
For the barns contain Nature and the bounty of the earth: a gift for all, so as you give away, you will gain more; continue your charity; you are distributing God' bounty.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2011
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Excellent challenge to charity.
God has the vineyards-charity, and many barns, and as he gives to you, and you give to them, yours can be replenished from the barns.
For the barns contain Nature and the bounty of the earth: a gift for all, so as you give away, you will gain more; continue your charity; you are distributing God' bounty.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2011
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thhank you
Comment from wilburmillicent
Hi Pip,
I love the sentiments that you have managed to express in the poem.
Sorry for the relatively low number of stars, but I think it must be virtually impossible to write poetry when constrained by the rigidity of the form chosen. When so many words seem to have been chosen, merely to fit, it can make for a hard read.
I didn't really understand the very last verse, but maybe that's a shortcoming in me. I enjoyed your work and will look out for more. I feel that you are a far better poet and writer than this format allows. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2011
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Hi Pip,
I love the sentiments that you have managed to express in the poem.
Sorry for the relatively low number of stars, but I think it must be virtually impossible to write poetry when constrained by the rigidity of the form chosen. When so many words seem to have been chosen, merely to fit, it can make for a hard read.
I didn't really understand the very last verse, but maybe that's a shortcoming in me. I enjoyed your work and will look out for more. I feel that you are a far better poet and writer than this format allows. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2011
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thanks its really nice to knw that my work is appreciated.
