Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Part two, Chapter 8"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
85 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I understand the computer thing-I've been trying to use my son's laptop-I swear it is possessed. Hope you had a good vacation. Good chapter-I can't imagine how hard it must be to go back in her place to get her things. I'mso glad you continue to work on this story!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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I understand the computer thing-I've been trying to use my son's laptop-I swear it is possessed. Hope you had a good vacation. Good chapter-I can't imagine how hard it must be to go back in her place to get her things. I'mso glad you continue to work on this story!!! Debbie
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I arrived home last night an am on my computer, YEA!!!!
Comment from dmjones
Excellent post. You brought out through Anna's feeling one of things abused women go through - embarrassment-- and you did it in an interesting way. Have a safe trip home.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Excellent post. You brought out through Anna's feeling one of things abused women go through - embarrassment-- and you did it in an interesting way. Have a safe trip home.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Writeaway...
Bravo, barbara, another excellent piece of writing. Your writing is clear, well-written and cleverly constructed, I cannot suggest anything for improvment, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Bravo, barbara, another excellent piece of writing. Your writing is clear, well-written and cleverly constructed, I cannot suggest anything for improvment, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
I am surprised at how emotional I feel about this chapter. It just seems to bring out the essence of unwarranted abuse. I can feel it and I want to hug Anna, fictional though she is. As usual, ihave some specific comments:
1. Anna buttered her biscuit. "I'll finish this [then I'm ==> then. I'm] ready." {I suggest two short sentences , as shown, but a comma should also work.}
2. Anna released a deep breath. "Seeing Mr. Keller reminded me of the lie I lived. Nobody knew about the abuse. I was too embarrassed to say anything. I lived in a dangerous vicious circle." {This is one of the dark sides of abuse. When mu dangerous and abusive stepfather threatened my entire family, I worked hard to make my life appear normal for a teenager. I guess I didn't fool many. My favorite girl friend asked me,"Why don't you ever laugh or smile like you used to?"
It broke my heart that I didn't have a rational answer for her. I remember every word and that was sixty years ago. What a negative power abuse has over victims.}
I hope your story will inspire victims of abuse to seek help and escape the tragic consequences that often end such relationships.
I look forward to your next post.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Hi Barbara:)
I am surprised at how emotional I feel about this chapter. It just seems to bring out the essence of unwarranted abuse. I can feel it and I want to hug Anna, fictional though she is. As usual, ihave some specific comments:
1. Anna buttered her biscuit. "I'll finish this [then I'm ==> then. I'm] ready." {I suggest two short sentences , as shown, but a comma should also work.}
2. Anna released a deep breath. "Seeing Mr. Keller reminded me of the lie I lived. Nobody knew about the abuse. I was too embarrassed to say anything. I lived in a dangerous vicious circle." {This is one of the dark sides of abuse. When mu dangerous and abusive stepfather threatened my entire family, I worked hard to make my life appear normal for a teenager. I guess I didn't fool many. My favorite girl friend asked me,"Why don't you ever laugh or smile like you used to?"
It broke my heart that I didn't have a rational answer for her. I remember every word and that was sixty years ago. What a negative power abuse has over victims.}
I hope your story will inspire victims of abuse to seek help and escape the tragic consequences that often end such relationships.
I look forward to your next post.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Hey, I took a four star rating for using too short of sentences. I usually get told to use them. I appreciate your kind review and insight. I will recheck that area.
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Hey, Hemingway got by with short sentences. I've lost stars for long sentences. In forty years as a professional science and technology writer, I learned that editors liked succinct sentences. I know fiction is different. I know some sentences need to be longer than other,
I got marked down because I po my name in the lower left cotner of a poem in small type.
The reviewer said it distracted from the poer to sign off. Lol.
Roger
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Wow, now I've heard everything.
Comment from Sherry Parnell
I haven't read the past chapters but I do like what I have read. I like that the dialogue is natural and moves quickly.
Little touches such as Anna fingering the lid of her water bottle show instead of tell of her nervousness and fear, which is always a good thing in storytelling.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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I haven't read the past chapters but I do like what I have read. I like that the dialogue is natural and moves quickly.
Little touches such as Anna fingering the lid of her water bottle show instead of tell of her nervousness and fear, which is always a good thing in storytelling.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from JN28
An important subject raised in a believable way in a chapter that develops the characters and the story further. I have missed some chapters but now plan to read some more!
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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An important subject raised in a believable way in a chapter that develops the characters and the story further. I have missed some chapters but now plan to read some more!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
moving right along. Though ashort chapter it still moves the story along nicely. How have you been, by the way? I hope you are feeling better. By how many chapters I missed, I think you must be doing better.
hugs book
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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moving right along. Though ashort chapter it still moves the story along nicely. How have you been, by the way? I hope you are feeling better. By how many chapters I missed, I think you must be doing better.
hugs book
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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I have been on vacation, seeing my family. I am doing all right. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from A.Igou
Good job! The dialogue is natural sounding,has a good bit of moving your character nicely forward.
I feel like it could be a little more descriptive, unless it's flash fiction. Like what kind of day is it, overcast, sunny, stormy, rainy, etc. Hope this helps.
Kudos on calling abuse to the forefront of your story.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Good job! The dialogue is natural sounding,has a good bit of moving your character nicely forward.
I feel like it could be a little more descriptive, unless it's flash fiction. Like what kind of day is it, overcast, sunny, stormy, rainy, etc. Hope this helps.
Kudos on calling abuse to the forefront of your story.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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I have been taught that if it doesn't move the story along, it should not be included, so I see no reason to discuss the weather. You might consider doing research. Thank you
Comment from kiwisteveh
Nice straight-forward chapter, moving the story forward. One thing I noticed here that I hadn't really seen before is a lot of short sentences e.g. five in the last short paragraph.
This sentence needs a comma: 'I'll finish this then I'm ready.'
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Nice straight-forward chapter, moving the story forward. One thing I noticed here that I hadn't really seen before is a lot of short sentences e.g. five in the last short paragraph.
This sentence needs a comma: 'I'll finish this then I'm ready.'
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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I will check those sentences. Usually I am gigged for not using short sentences. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
I see you are still writting this one. I've missed loads of chapters so i cant really comment on the story line or the characters. Good to see it's still going though :-)
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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I see you are still writting this one. I've missed loads of chapters so i cant really comment on the story line or the characters. Good to see it's still going though :-)
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. Glad you came back to check.
