Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Part one, Chapter 8"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
92 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
I am so falling in love with Anna and Troy falling in love. It feels so right that the two of them should find each other. I so hope when I get to the end of this story Anna and Troy will have a happy ending.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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I am so falling in love with Anna and Troy falling in love. It feels so right that the two of them should find each other. I so hope when I get to the end of this story Anna and Troy will have a happy ending.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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Thank you.
Comment from rzubey
I like that Anna's confidence is growing, but I hope that nothing happens that would ruin it. I'm really afraid that something will. I guess you needed a little break in the suspense. I'm looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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I like that Anna's confidence is growing, but I hope that nothing happens that would ruin it. I'm really afraid that something will. I guess you needed a little break in the suspense. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I am sorry you have to read these when there's no money attached.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Margaret smiled. "While you're doing that[,] let me rock him.
With Betty's help, Anna treated the outfit with stain remover[] before she put it in the washer with detergent.
The day before you went to Aunt Margaret's[,] did you call me at work?
"It has two, I'll share the most popular one first." --- It has two different versions, or there are two different stories, {and] I'll ...
After they sat, he began his story[.] "I'll tell you the short version. --- When I read this, I wanted you to add "first" to the end of the sentence. Since you said above I'll tell you the most popular one first ... that would be repetitious. How about "Here's the short version."
"Growing up[,] I helped Mom with her flower garden, [and] she would tell me each flower's story."
"Once upon a time[,] there was a beautiful Indian maiden, who had these yellow flowers growing all around her te[e]pee."
Just like all beautiful maidens[,] she had a problem
The flowers around her began to grow deep red petals[ j]ust like the flower you're holding."
Roberta
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2011
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Margaret smiled. "While you're doing that[,] let me rock him.
With Betty's help, Anna treated the outfit with stain remover[] before she put it in the washer with detergent.
The day before you went to Aunt Margaret's[,] did you call me at work?
"It has two, I'll share the most popular one first." --- It has two different versions, or there are two different stories, {and] I'll ...
After they sat, he began his story[.] "I'll tell you the short version. --- When I read this, I wanted you to add "first" to the end of the sentence. Since you said above I'll tell you the most popular one first ... that would be repetitious. How about "Here's the short version."
"Growing up[,] I helped Mom with her flower garden, [and] she would tell me each flower's story."
"Once upon a time[,] there was a beautiful Indian maiden, who had these yellow flowers growing all around her te[e]pee."
Just like all beautiful maidens[,] she had a problem
The flowers around her began to grow deep red petals[ j]ust like the flower you're holding."
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2011
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Thank you
Comment from bookishfabler
still trying to catch up. I am enjoying your book very much. Don't see any nits or spags. So nothing to pic at. LOL> Except you always have someone swallowing loadly or gulping. Sorry, I had to say it.
hugs book
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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still trying to catch up. I am enjoying your book very much. Don't see any nits or spags. So nothing to pic at. LOL> Except you always have someone swallowing loadly or gulping. Sorry, I had to say it.
hugs book
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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I will check on those guplings. Sorry you are reading these with not points attached.
Comment from Aislinge
Well done, Barbara. Another great chapter in Anna's journey. Hope Troy can help her discover her own courage and inner strength. Descriptions are done well.
Thanks for a great read.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2011
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Well done, Barbara. Another great chapter in Anna's journey. Hope Troy can help her discover her own courage and inner strength. Descriptions are done well.
Thanks for a great read.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from TJ Starbuck
I haven't read any of the other chapters but that wasn't much of a problem. I loved the story of the flowers. The only thing was that I couldn't see the scene very well,as in I didn't know who was there. Perhaps this was already set up in the previous chapter. My questions were Where did Troy come from, and I'm not sure where the rules Anna was talking about came from. I don't understand how she could call Troy if she can't use the phone and has no cell phone. Other than that I thought it was great.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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I haven't read any of the other chapters but that wasn't much of a problem. I loved the story of the flowers. The only thing was that I couldn't see the scene very well,as in I didn't know who was there. Perhaps this was already set up in the previous chapter. My questions were Where did Troy come from, and I'm not sure where the rules Anna was talking about came from. I don't understand how she could call Troy if she can't use the phone and has no cell phone. Other than that I thought it was great.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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All of your questions were answered in previous posts. Anna was abused and spending time in and underground women's shelter; the rules. Anna had been inside Troy's parent's house with Anna. She stepped outside and Troy followed.
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Got it. Good luck!
Comment from bhogg
How nice Barbara - a continuation of your story and a story within a story. It is going to be interesting to see where the relationship between Anna and Troy leads. I hope you have a great time with those grandkids. I get to see some of mine tomorrow. Always warm regards, Bill
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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How nice Barbara - a continuation of your story and a story within a story. It is going to be interesting to see where the relationship between Anna and Troy leads. I hope you have a great time with those grandkids. I get to see some of mine tomorrow. Always warm regards, Bill
Comment Written 29-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from JW
This is a very well written and beautiful chapter. I can easily see why it has already achieved both Recognized and All Time Best status. It is very worthy of both. JW
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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This is a very well written and beautiful chapter. I can easily see why it has already achieved both Recognized and All Time Best status. It is very worthy of both. JW
Comment Written 29-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
HI dear Barbara. Please tell your husband i like his painting...nice flower adn texture, too.
Sorry i've been busy lately and not able to keep up with prose chapters. Still, it is easy to slip back into your story.
Some suggestions:
"While you're doing that(,) let me rock him.
*A bit choppy--
With Betty's help, Anna treated the outfit with stain remover, before she put it in the washer with detergent.
Maybe try-
With Betty's help, Anna treated the outfit with stain remover before putting it in the washer with detergent.
Also, consider trimming off "with the detergent' as it is a detail automatically implied when something goes in a washer and seems superfluous (to me). Sometimes when details are not adding any richness to the story--they end of cluttering it. Sorry to be frank but I think using detail is a very good practice, but you have to select the ones that make the work jump off the page. Humdrum details should be minimized and stated only if they serve to augment the scene.
* "I've been meaning to ask. The day before you went to Aunt Margaret's(,) did you call me at work? I
*Just like all beautiful maidens(,) she had a problem.
As usual, this is easy to read, has a nice closing hook, and has authentic sounding dialog. I like the theme of her gaining self confidence slowly, as hinted in the closing line.
Love, rd
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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HI dear Barbara. Please tell your husband i like his painting...nice flower adn texture, too.
Sorry i've been busy lately and not able to keep up with prose chapters. Still, it is easy to slip back into your story.
Some suggestions:
"While you're doing that(,) let me rock him.
*A bit choppy--
With Betty's help, Anna treated the outfit with stain remover, before she put it in the washer with detergent.
Maybe try-
With Betty's help, Anna treated the outfit with stain remover before putting it in the washer with detergent.
Also, consider trimming off "with the detergent' as it is a detail automatically implied when something goes in a washer and seems superfluous (to me). Sometimes when details are not adding any richness to the story--they end of cluttering it. Sorry to be frank but I think using detail is a very good practice, but you have to select the ones that make the work jump off the page. Humdrum details should be minimized and stated only if they serve to augment the scene.
* "I've been meaning to ask. The day before you went to Aunt Margaret's(,) did you call me at work? I
*Just like all beautiful maidens(,) she had a problem.
As usual, this is easy to read, has a nice closing hook, and has authentic sounding dialog. I like the theme of her gaining self confidence slowly, as hinted in the closing line.
Love, rd
Comment Written 29-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. I will take care of those comma issues.
Comment from TammyGail
This was an amazing chapter well written ad much enjoyed ..... I always enjoy these and the notes are you give are great ... Thanks for sharing ... The art work was stunning as well
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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This was an amazing chapter well written ad much enjoyed ..... I always enjoy these and the notes are you give are great ... Thanks for sharing ... The art work was stunning as well
Comment Written 29-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
