Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Part two, Chapter 7"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
87 total reviews
Comment from chaswriter
Barbara -- Unfortunate topic of your novel. Glad someone like you is tackling the issue of spousal abuse and violence in the home. Good for you. This chapter has a smooth plotline and your characters are well-defined. Good job.
Only one spag comment:
We also have a bathtub or(, )in his case, a large sink. -- need a comma on both sides of a parenthetical phrase
Charlie
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2011
  |
Barbara -- Unfortunate topic of your novel. Glad someone like you is tackling the issue of spousal abuse and violence in the home. Good for you. This chapter has a smooth plotline and your characters are well-defined. Good job.
Only one spag comment:
We also have a bathtub or(, )in his case, a large sink. -- need a comma on both sides of a parenthetical phrase
Charlie
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2011
-
Thank you for the comma lesson, I hate those necessary evils. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I shall follow this from now on. Don't know why I haven't before - really enjoyed this (not boring at all) chapter, Barbara. Your author notes are very interesting. Domestic violence is a terrible thing indeed and unfortunately far too common.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2011
|
I shall follow this from now on. Don't know why I haven't before - really enjoyed this (not boring at all) chapter, Barbara. Your author notes are very interesting. Domestic violence is a terrible thing indeed and unfortunately far too common.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dustychange
Hmm, great chapter regarding the issue of domestic violence!
So, some good things. There's a lot of dialogue. The dialogue overall sounds natural and realistic. The fact that this was also balanced amongst numerous characters is quite a writing feat. The character dialogue was also sufficient to convey and incur a different number of emotions.
As a suggestion, for a novel type, this chapter doesn't have too much in-depth description. With some formatting adjustments this could easily become a skit. Some more content development and focusing on a particular key character may work to describe more about the mood and setting of the chapter.
Despite the suggestion, this is a great and natural chapter!
Du$ty Change.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
|
Hmm, great chapter regarding the issue of domestic violence!
So, some good things. There's a lot of dialogue. The dialogue overall sounds natural and realistic. The fact that this was also balanced amongst numerous characters is quite a writing feat. The character dialogue was also sufficient to convey and incur a different number of emotions.
As a suggestion, for a novel type, this chapter doesn't have too much in-depth description. With some formatting adjustments this could easily become a skit. Some more content development and focusing on a particular key character may work to describe more about the mood and setting of the chapter.
Despite the suggestion, this is a great and natural chapter!
Du$ty Change.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from writerwish
This is just fine. I did not find it boring. I have learned more about Paul and Margaret and a budget! I just read that authors should give readers a break from conflict once in a while, so they could catch their breath.
The eduacation at the end is soooo... important. Will you include this in your book somehow?
One correction: first para..
leave (to for at) two possible apartments...
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
|
This is just fine. I did not find it boring. I have learned more about Paul and Margaret and a budget! I just read that authors should give readers a break from conflict once in a while, so they could catch their breath.
The eduacation at the end is soooo... important. Will you include this in your book somehow?
One correction: first para..
leave (to for at) two possible apartments...
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review. I received a three for being boring. Hence the note.
Comment from Jay Squires
I'm really enjoying this, Barbara. It's starting to pick up some momentum over the last chapter. You've got a good feel for dialogue and your characters are strong and consistent.
Good Job.
Jay
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
|
I'm really enjoying this, Barbara. It's starting to pick up some momentum over the last chapter. You've got a good feel for dialogue and your characters are strong and consistent.
Good Job.
Jay
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mara del Mar
Barbara, boring, for nothing
excellent narration. This story brings me of the hand and running ha! I love, I love this novel. You're right, Anna has been very fortunate to find effective help and besides, love and a new grandparents to Michael. Others never find it even killed by the husband. I hope the next one, congratulations.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
|
Barbara, boring, for nothing
excellent narration. This story brings me of the hand and running ha! I love, I love this novel. You're right, Anna has been very fortunate to find effective help and besides, love and a new grandparents to Michael. Others never find it even killed by the husband. I hope the next one, congratulations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rheabug
This was a very good presentation of this message. I have review other chapters and I am in Anna's court. I support you endeavor to present this message.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
|
This was a very good presentation of this message. I have review other chapters and I am in Anna's court. I support you endeavor to present this message.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from The Stranger
Despite the efforts of Paul, who is obviously now working as Annas treasurer as to speak, Troy and Anna still are living in mortal danger of Rogers and any subsequent revenge he may odchestrate
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
|
Despite the efforts of Paul, who is obviously now working as Annas treasurer as to speak, Troy and Anna still are living in mortal danger of Rogers and any subsequent revenge he may odchestrate
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
-
Bobby will be back. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Collie-Bug
Great work. I don't have any suggestions for improvement. I think its well written and will hopefully help some women faced with these circumstances. On a side note. Have you ever thought about the fact that some women with anger issues can incite violence in men? It is NO excuse for violence on the part of men but I wonder if you might want to deal with that in the book at some point, sometimes it can take two to tango.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
|
Great work. I don't have any suggestions for improvement. I think its well written and will hopefully help some women faced with these circumstances. On a side note. Have you ever thought about the fact that some women with anger issues can incite violence in men? It is NO excuse for violence on the part of men but I wonder if you might want to deal with that in the book at some point, sometimes it can take two to tango.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
-
I will think about it. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from rchitwood
You write a very good story and so far I am keeping up.Your story has good dialogue and very good characters.And it is very believable and I would recommend this to others.Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
|
You write a very good story and so far I am keeping up.Your story has good dialogue and very good characters.And it is very believable and I would recommend this to others.Blessings Rita
Comment Written 21-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review and continued support.
