Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Part two, Chapter 7"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
87 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
This wasn't a dull chapter by far. In fact it was deeply moving. It's pieces like this that make the dramatic moments more emotional. Having first started with chapter 70 and now working my way up from the beginning, these chapters make Anna, Troy, and the rest of your characters more tangible.
Because they worry about issues like rent, utilities, and divorce, on top of the domestic abuse, the reader not only relates, but roots for Anna and Troy. Again, well done.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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This wasn't a dull chapter by far. In fact it was deeply moving. It's pieces like this that make the dramatic moments more emotional. Having first started with chapter 70 and now working my way up from the beginning, these chapters make Anna, Troy, and the rest of your characters more tangible.
Because they worry about issues like rent, utilities, and divorce, on top of the domestic abuse, the reader not only relates, but roots for Anna and Troy. Again, well done.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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Thank you.
Comment from rzubey
Oh my gosh. Awesome. I'm still holding my breath waiting for something to go wrong. I like that the Sorenson's are so generous, but are there really people that would do that? Now I'm curious about what their motivation is. Great job on this.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Oh my gosh. Awesome. I'm still holding my breath waiting for something to go wrong. I like that the Sorenson's are so generous, but are there really people that would do that? Now I'm curious about what their motivation is. Great job on this.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I thought would be suited[able?] for you and a young child.
"The rent is $850 a month." --- Anna says she cannot afford this. $42,000 a year means income of $3500 a month. Most of my clients were paying around $850 of month when their income was $1700 or $1800 a month, almost 50%. This is a gonga deal. Why is she acting so poverty struck? $42,000 a year is a good income for a young, single woman with only one child.
I can help you find a good safe investment for that[] if you're interested. [And w]e'll make sure your husband helps pay for that."
"That[] still leaves you $150 a month for co-pays on dental and doctor's appoint[ment]s.
Tears streamed down Anna['s] cheeks. "
"First, call me[] Betty and call my husband[] Paul.
"Your parents have graciously offered to make a down payment on an apartment[ for me]."
That protected address order would include Michael as well because Bobby can't know Michael's address without also knowing Anna's address.
Bobby's criminal trial will probably be four to six months away. Sometimes they are put off for a year, and Bobby will be in jail till then. they usuall give him credit for time served when they sentence him, which shortens his time in prison.
Roberta
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2011
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I thought would be suited[able?] for you and a young child.
"The rent is $850 a month." --- Anna says she cannot afford this. $42,000 a year means income of $3500 a month. Most of my clients were paying around $850 of month when their income was $1700 or $1800 a month, almost 50%. This is a gonga deal. Why is she acting so poverty struck? $42,000 a year is a good income for a young, single woman with only one child.
I can help you find a good safe investment for that[] if you're interested. [And w]e'll make sure your husband helps pay for that."
"That[] still leaves you $150 a month for co-pays on dental and doctor's appoint[ment]s.
Tears streamed down Anna['s] cheeks. "
"First, call me[] Betty and call my husband[] Paul.
"Your parents have graciously offered to make a down payment on an apartment[ for me]."
That protected address order would include Michael as well because Bobby can't know Michael's address without also knowing Anna's address.
Bobby's criminal trial will probably be four to six months away. Sometimes they are put off for a year, and Bobby will be in jail till then. they usuall give him credit for time served when they sentence him, which shortens his time in prison.
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2011
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Thank you again.
Comment from bookishfabler
I hasve to play catch up. Been so so busy with life. Miss it here though.
"Look around." Betty turned a complete circle. "We can afford it. Paul and I want to do it." A timer sounded from the kitchen. "I need to check my brownies." She started to leave, stopped, and turned around. "Paul and I have been very blessed. We are very comfortable and want to share what we have. Please allow us to help." She left.
I'm sure they can claim it in taxes too. LOL.
hugs book
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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I hasve to play catch up. Been so so busy with life. Miss it here though.
"Look around." Betty turned a complete circle. "We can afford it. Paul and I want to do it." A timer sounded from the kitchen. "I need to check my brownies." She started to leave, stopped, and turned around. "Paul and I have been very blessed. We are very comfortable and want to share what we have. Please allow us to help." She left.
I'm sure they can claim it in taxes too. LOL.
hugs book
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2011
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Hadn't though of the tax break. Thank you.
Comment from Larrypic11
I don't agree that this chapter is boring, Barbara. It is a good set-up chapter with anticipation of things to come, both positively and negatively. If you wished to convey the mood conflict of approach/ avoidance, immobilizing fear/freedom, inherent in abusive situations you were very successful without a whole lot of action. Good luck as you continue. Larry
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2011
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I don't agree that this chapter is boring, Barbara. It is a good set-up chapter with anticipation of things to come, both positively and negatively. If you wished to convey the mood conflict of approach/ avoidance, immobilizing fear/freedom, inherent in abusive situations you were very successful without a whole lot of action. Good luck as you continue. Larry
Comment Written 25-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi barb. I'm not reading much now but will try to follow your book. It's not a boring chapter, just that, if I may suggest, maybe add a bit of undercurrent or stolen moments between anna and troy. It will spice up the chapters. We all know they've developed feelings for each other, yet now it feels rather distant. Maybe describe anna's feelings when troy arrives - warm tingles, whatever. Let us see him through her eyes, his warm gaze, smile or physical description - whatever trait she admires. And when we're in troy's POV, we want to hear his heart too. since you categorized this as romance fiction, those factors are important, along with the process of solving anna's problem.
Check some notes:
I would suggest putting $200 [a month] aside [each month] for emergencies such as car repair or anything that comes up. - I thought that's repeating. Use only either one.
I don't know what would have happened to us without your help. Thank you." Tears welled in her eyes. - she's had tears earlier. So here maybe something like - 'Fresh tears welled'.... Or add 'again' after 'her eyes'.
Hope those help.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2011
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Hi barb. I'm not reading much now but will try to follow your book. It's not a boring chapter, just that, if I may suggest, maybe add a bit of undercurrent or stolen moments between anna and troy. It will spice up the chapters. We all know they've developed feelings for each other, yet now it feels rather distant. Maybe describe anna's feelings when troy arrives - warm tingles, whatever. Let us see him through her eyes, his warm gaze, smile or physical description - whatever trait she admires. And when we're in troy's POV, we want to hear his heart too. since you categorized this as romance fiction, those factors are important, along with the process of solving anna's problem.
Check some notes:
I would suggest putting $200 [a month] aside [each month] for emergencies such as car repair or anything that comes up. - I thought that's repeating. Use only either one.
I don't know what would have happened to us without your help. Thank you." Tears welled in her eyes. - she's had tears earlier. So here maybe something like - 'Fresh tears welled'.... Or add 'again' after 'her eyes'.
Hope those help.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2011
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I am afraid to express too much of Anna's feelings because just a short while ago Anna was beaten and raped numerous times by her husband, she is not ready for romantic feelings. I will correct the other areas. Thank you for your kind review.
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oh i overlooked that part. still, we can expect more interest from troy, that is if he's a man in love.. anyway i'll let you write your story. pls excuse the romantic me. :)
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Again, Troy's father has been reminding him every chance he gets not to get involved with Anna, because it will effect her divorce.
Comment from MissMerri
I don't agree that this is boring. There is much covered that would undoubtedly be useful and helpful to someone in a similar situation, but it is presented in a conversational manner that makes it almost as if the reader is sitting in on the discussion. You have also used this chapter to further develop the personalities of your characters, which is important. I thought it was extremely well-done and I was never bored. Your author notes, too, are very helpful and informative. Thank you for taking the time to put out such important information.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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I don't agree that this is boring. There is much covered that would undoubtedly be useful and helpful to someone in a similar situation, but it is presented in a conversational manner that makes it almost as if the reader is sitting in on the discussion. You have also used this chapter to further develop the personalities of your characters, which is important. I thought it was extremely well-done and I was never bored. Your author notes, too, are very helpful and informative. Thank you for taking the time to put out such important information.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your review and insight. I have had some problems with a reviewer stating my chapters are boring and wanting me to demonize Anna.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Although you worried about this chapter being boring, I think you did a splendid job with the details and the common-sense approach to the situation. Anna's reactions are so realistic, given how much disappointment she's faced. For me, that keeps this story feeling like real-life. Great job, barbara. Take care, Bev
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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Although you worried about this chapter being boring, I think you did a splendid job with the details and the common-sense approach to the situation. Anna's reactions are so realistic, given how much disappointment she's faced. For me, that keeps this story feeling like real-life. Great job, barbara. Take care, Bev
Comment Written 24-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Betty517
I didn't think this was boring at all. Held my attention and now I want to see what happens. This is a story of domestic abuse which is ramped these days. It used to be kept behind closed doors but thank God that is no longer the case. Thanks to people like you, great job. Betty
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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I didn't think this was boring at all. Held my attention and now I want to see what happens. This is a story of domestic abuse which is ramped these days. It used to be kept behind closed doors but thank God that is no longer the case. Thanks to people like you, great job. Betty
Comment Written 24-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from MENNIPLOSS
wonderful chapter, is a wonderful writing, of great quality, very special and that the reader finds it very attractive. congratulations and hug, you are a wonderful writer.
menniploss
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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wonderful chapter, is a wonderful writing, of great quality, very special and that the reader finds it very attractive. congratulations and hug, you are a wonderful writer.
menniploss
Comment Written 24-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
