Guilty Secret
You couldn't really call it murder...25 total reviews
Comment from GGatelock
What an odd little story. I loved how your crafted it with mystery. The idea of teddy bear being dismembered by dogs does not please me... but who cares, which is precisely the gist of what makes the story edgy to me. And it nags in my mind as to exactly why this is disturbing. So, the story will linger in my memory. That is triumph for you. My favorite quality of the story is the "in and out" scene into the pawn shop. The scenes add consistency and cohesion and show careful crafting. Your choice of sentence structure is varied and you show careful word choice (virulently yellow cap). The only thing I would have done differently is the beginning sentence. I would have tried to make it "hookier" (I just made up a word, so you should not take my suggestion seriously or as coming from anyone with any knowledge of writing). The story's topic takes the cake. The element of surprise, the weird juxtapose cuteness and dismemberment, and the suspense.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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What an odd little story. I loved how your crafted it with mystery. The idea of teddy bear being dismembered by dogs does not please me... but who cares, which is precisely the gist of what makes the story edgy to me. And it nags in my mind as to exactly why this is disturbing. So, the story will linger in my memory. That is triumph for you. My favorite quality of the story is the "in and out" scene into the pawn shop. The scenes add consistency and cohesion and show careful crafting. Your choice of sentence structure is varied and you show careful word choice (virulently yellow cap). The only thing I would have done differently is the beginning sentence. I would have tried to make it "hookier" (I just made up a word, so you should not take my suggestion seriously or as coming from anyone with any knowledge of writing). The story's topic takes the cake. The element of surprise, the weird juxtapose cuteness and dismemberment, and the suspense.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the thoughtful review.
I appreciate what you are saying about the first sentence - and if 'hookier' isn't really a word, then it should be. Maybe if I just move the final sentence of that paragraph to the top...
Silly verses come more naturally to me than prose, so stuff like this and the 'bra' story are a bit more like hard work. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Steve
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Steve. I really will be following your writing. I like it. No pressure intended. Ignore my suggestions. I am afraid to mess you up. I have noticed you do poetry. I refrain from reviewing poetry because, I rarely attempt to write any.
Comment from tomprato
Great writing talent. But what a theme! To buy teddy bears for dogs to maul? But why encourage dogs to tear apart stuffed toys?
I'm told that dogs find it humiliating to be presented with toys. It's as bad as dressing them up. If you want to know, ask Kipling's Dog.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Great writing talent. But what a theme! To buy teddy bears for dogs to maul? But why encourage dogs to tear apart stuffed toys?
I'm told that dogs find it humiliating to be presented with toys. It's as bad as dressing them up. If you want to know, ask Kipling's Dog.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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The simple answer is 'because hey enjoy it and it is good exercise' - we also buy purpose designed tug-toys, which are more expensive but last longer, but the dogs don't get as much fun out of them...
I am quite sure that dogs are not humiliated by toys and probably not by being dressed up either - they may resent the restrictions of clothes but they don't know what they are or what they represent so this is just people foisting their own opinions onto animals who simply don't care.
Thanks for the review - I will try not to kill too many teddies this year. :o)
Comment from moyramouse
I couldn't wait to find out what it was that you had bought! What could have made you go to such lengths to disguise yourself and be so secretive? I roared with laughter when I discovered it was a teddy bear. Now I have this picture of you in my head as this psychotic teddy bear murderer getting vicarious pleasure from watching their dismemberment by your hairy sidekicks.
A great write - you certainly achieved what you set out to achieve with this reader!! xxmouse
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2011
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I couldn't wait to find out what it was that you had bought! What could have made you go to such lengths to disguise yourself and be so secretive? I roared with laughter when I discovered it was a teddy bear. Now I have this picture of you in my head as this psychotic teddy bear murderer getting vicarious pleasure from watching their dismemberment by your hairy sidekicks.
A great write - you certainly achieved what you set out to achieve with this reader!! xxmouse
Comment Written 11-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2011
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I have this lovely picture of the hairy sidekicks in the act of dismemberment in the middle of an apparent snowstorm! I couldn't use it because it would have given the game away!
Trying a few different things... I'm never sure about my prose whether it 'works' or not, so thanks for the feedback.
Haven't seen anything from you for a few days - holiday?? Before that I was on my trip back to NZ to see my Mum - can't remember if I told you she has been diagnosed with cancer...
Steve
Comment from barkingdog
How dare you 'kill'Thomas!
I had to laugh because you are not the only one who has dogs who love the stuffed toys from second-hand shops.(I always remove the button eyes and nose first before dismemberment. LOL)
The guilt is shared, but overridden by the pups' pleasure of shaking the last stuffing out and proudly carrying about the 'skin.'
Also, do the same ladies work in all of these stores? Great depiction of the shop ladies, squealing excitement to see Thomas 'adopted.' Little did they know by the purveyor for the Gordonvale Manglers.
Great piece, with an unexpected twist. Nicely paced, giving nothing away.
I love the spirit of celebration with the stuffing everywhere like confetti.(I live in FL, no snow. LOL)
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2011
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How dare you 'kill'Thomas!
I had to laugh because you are not the only one who has dogs who love the stuffed toys from second-hand shops.(I always remove the button eyes and nose first before dismemberment. LOL)
The guilt is shared, but overridden by the pups' pleasure of shaking the last stuffing out and proudly carrying about the 'skin.'
Also, do the same ladies work in all of these stores? Great depiction of the shop ladies, squealing excitement to see Thomas 'adopted.' Little did they know by the purveyor for the Gordonvale Manglers.
Great piece, with an unexpected twist. Nicely paced, giving nothing away.
I love the spirit of celebration with the stuffing everywhere like confetti.(I live in FL, no snow. LOL)
Comment Written 10-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2011
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I am delighted to find someone else as crazy as I am. I have a lovely photo somewhere of the 'snowstorm' in the yard and the two culprits still tugging away in the middle of it all - I couldn't use it with the piece because it would have given the game away.
Surprisingly (to me, anyway) several reviewers have commented about the shop ladies - I thought I had skipped over them fairly lightly, but thy were obviously recognizable figures!
Steve
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Yes, we are also rippers of 'teddys' LOL. I thought the shop ladies were a key part of the piece. They named Thomas and gave him that preciousness that make it even funnier when the dogs make a snowstorm of him. (dark sort of fun)
Steve, if you have a moment please read my sonnet, My Love's Prowess. Only one reviewer so far has understood the metaphor. Knowing how you mind works, I am anxious to see if you 'get it.' FleedleFlumpe is the only one who has understood it. Pleeeease. It's still posted and paying a bit. :)
Comment from Dingus-Maghee
A very enjoyable read! I love all the descriptive words you use. I'm still smiling. You painted a most beautiful canvas that is such a joy to read.
I love the humor, and the whole picture in my mind is quite colorful. So much so, I'm saving this to one of the best and one I will like re-reading from time to time. You may have just invented the cure for depression. :)
I'll be watching for more. Thank you for a lovely start to my day, and I'm sure, for others as well.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2011
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A very enjoyable read! I love all the descriptive words you use. I'm still smiling. You painted a most beautiful canvas that is such a joy to read.
I love the humor, and the whole picture in my mind is quite colorful. So much so, I'm saving this to one of the best and one I will like re-reading from time to time. You may have just invented the cure for depression. :)
I'll be watching for more. Thank you for a lovely start to my day, and I'm sure, for others as well.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the enthusiastic review. This is not my usual style - I am just trying a few things out at the moment, so I appreciate the feedback.
Steve
Comment from Fishcake
Engaging piece. I pictured you sidling up the street, trying desparately to be ignored. I love it when you can imagine from the way the writer writes exactly what they are saying. Only one thinkg, excuse my ignorance but what does virulently mean?! Please excuse the ignorance!
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2011
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Engaging piece. I pictured you sidling up the street, trying desparately to be ignored. I love it when you can imagine from the way the writer writes exactly what they are saying. Only one thinkg, excuse my ignorance but what does virulently mean?! Please excuse the ignorance!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2011
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Thank you for all the stars! And the kind words...
'virulent' comes from virus, so equates to 'powerful' but in a nasty way. By describing the cap as virulently green, I guess I wanted you to picture it as particularly bright and tasteless...
Steve
Comment from Inge_Meldgaard
Fabulous! But you monster, you!!! :D You've made an excellent story from this little incident, which true talent. I'm really grinning, being a frequenter of op shops and often noticing the large number of teddy bears they usually stock - although I once bought one, not to be torn up, but to sit on my bed ;P I simply love your descriptions of the two elderly women - exquisite indeed :}
* I think perhaps a couple of commas are missing here:
Ignoring them all, I scuttled
where I had been and what I had done, they snuffled frantically
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2011
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Fabulous! But you monster, you!!! :D You've made an excellent story from this little incident, which true talent. I'm really grinning, being a frequenter of op shops and often noticing the large number of teddy bears they usually stock - although I once bought one, not to be torn up, but to sit on my bed ;P I simply love your descriptions of the two elderly women - exquisite indeed :}
* I think perhaps a couple of commas are missing here:
Ignoring them all, I scuttled
where I had been and what I had done, they snuffled frantically
Comment Written 10-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2011
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Shall I put the blame on my wife and say that she's the monster who started this gruesome dismembering of cuddly critters?
Thanks for punctuation-spotting - I did my usual rush job of post before polish!
Steve
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Ah well, I missed out a word in my review - I blame it on the tiny little boxes they give us to write in! ;P
Comment from axelbeariter
Almost confident in my new-found invisibility, I sidled up the street, scurrying past the pub on the corner in case some sharp-eyed early drinker might be sober enough to see through my brilliant attempt to remain incognito./decent description----Well written, but rather than go to great lengths of highly creative prose to tell this story, trap a cockatoo or two, and let your hounds bound onto a real-meat toy?
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2011
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Almost confident in my new-found invisibility, I sidled up the street, scurrying past the pub on the corner in case some sharp-eyed early drinker might be sober enough to see through my brilliant attempt to remain incognito./decent description----Well written, but rather than go to great lengths of highly creative prose to tell this story, trap a cockatoo or two, and let your hounds bound onto a real-meat toy?
Comment Written 10-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2011
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Or I guess I could just 'sic' them onto the neighbours' cat (or the neighbours themselves!)
I know it's a bit silly, but they seem to enjoy it!
Thanks for the review.
Steve
Comment from the blue pixel
If I was to put on my psychologists cap and analayze your behaviour Steve, I might say something entirely different to what I am about to say. You are one sick puppy my friend - lol. Oops, I said it anyway. I actually think this is a gorgeous little love story. One as old time, of a man's love for his best friend. I always knew you had a heart in there somewhere. I love the piece. It was well crafted and skillfully held me in suspense to the very last two words. xx Carol
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2011
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If I was to put on my psychologists cap and analayze your behaviour Steve, I might say something entirely different to what I am about to say. You are one sick puppy my friend - lol. Oops, I said it anyway. I actually think this is a gorgeous little love story. One as old time, of a man's love for his best friend. I always knew you had a heart in there somewhere. I love the piece. It was well crafted and skillfully held me in suspense to the very last two words. xx Carol
Comment Written 09-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2011
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yes, I have had this in my mind for some time but just wasn't sure how to get it out. In the end I just wrote the first few words and the rest followed pretty easily, although I struggled with how to describe the transaction without giving too much away.
Thank you.
Steve
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It couldn't have been any better Steve. xx Pix
Comment from Colette
You are totally hilarious, I love your sense of humour
You had me right to the end on this one.
Brilliant write, here's 6 bright ones for you.
Colettee
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2011
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You are totally hilarious, I love your sense of humour
You had me right to the end on this one.
Brilliant write, here's 6 bright ones for you.
Colettee
Comment Written 09-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2011
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Thanks for the Six Stars. Prose doesn't come as easily to me as verse, so I am pleased you like this little story.
Steve
