Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "a life that was of my own choice"A book of Poetry & Writing
132 total reviews
Comment from Rafaqat Bano
Hi
"Then will you be at peace with yourself
And to be able to say, I am my best friend" most beautiful and meaningful lines that i liked most ...good work ...you rightly poured the exellent words to say deep feelings ...you used well free verses ...well done....
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Hi
"Then will you be at peace with yourself
And to be able to say, I am my best friend" most beautiful and meaningful lines that i liked most ...good work ...you rightly poured the exellent words to say deep feelings ...you used well free verses ...well done....
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from RebelRose
Not many of us can say this. So many times we live our lives according to someone else's plan and never really know ourselves or what could have been. This is a great poem, an enjoyable read and a good entry for this contest ...not to mention, very profound.
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Not many of us can say this. So many times we live our lives according to someone else's plan and never really know ourselves or what could have been. This is a great poem, an enjoyable read and a good entry for this contest ...not to mention, very profound.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from Bep Kororoti
This is nice sentiment but it lacks depth and doesn't really compell any emotion in reading. I'm not completely sure it follows the prompt either. It's great that you "lived a life that was your own choice" but the prompt is for an unfulfilled dream. Your piece ends up lacking any tension. Tension that would've been there had this followed the promt. Nice effort to start though. Keep writing! Peace -Bep
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This is nice sentiment but it lacks depth and doesn't really compell any emotion in reading. I'm not completely sure it follows the prompt either. It's great that you "lived a life that was your own choice" but the prompt is for an unfulfilled dream. Your piece ends up lacking any tension. Tension that would've been there had this followed the promt. Nice effort to start though. Keep writing! Peace -Bep
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from flygirl254
Hello Deepwater - you have to let me know if this is a picture of you dressed in the outfit of a matador?
I am a fan of this poem for the contest! I did not enter, but I was hoping there would be at least one person who could write that they did live, "a life that was of my own choice." I think it's a terrific title, and a terrific message for your poem.
Because I read poems aloud to help me review, I found one line that stopped me momentarily. I understood it, but was tripped up with the idea that others may or may not understand, and it could easily be changed if you would want to take the suggestion...I only suggest and never dictate because only the poet knows for sure what was meant to be on the page (or screen in this case). In the seventh line, I would suggest changing around the wording to read, "Then you will be at peace with yourself."
In truth, that is one of my favorite parts of your poem. You do a wonderful job in those first six lines to describe how we all, "bet your soul against the human unknown". Your further descriptions of all the choices and experiences that shape a life truly enhance the final truth of your own life; that you are happy and comfortable with the choices you made, and therefore lived the life you wanted to live.
I think your poem does a great job of giving a balance to the writing prompt that assumes people are mostly worried they made the wrong choices and therefore are unhappy and wishing they had the chance to do it all over again. I'd say that there are, indeed, a LOT of people out there who feel that way. I personally subscribe to the idea that every experience in your life, good or bad, has shaped you into the person you are at any given point of your lifetime. I would say, then, that it boils down to deciding if you like who you are.
Okay, I think I got off the subject a bit - I'm a little tired :-) I do have one more thought about your poem's final four lines. You see, in all the lines before these four at the end, there is reference to the reader as "you". In those final four lines, that characterization has switched into, "I" instead. I think it happened with a line I also believe could benefit from some quotation marks: And to be able to say, "I am my best friend."
I'm thinking that these final four lines might benefit from being set apart somehow, since they are personal experiences. Otherwise, it could be beneficial to change the "I" words to "you" in order to match the rest of the poem.
And finally, I like that you've done this poem in a free verse style because it therefore fits the idea of a freestyle kind of life that could be lived.
I also like the idea of, "seeking intimate wealth," as what I interpret as a search for love and acceptance from friends.
My favorite lines here area, "To experience lust, love, anger, tears and pain only to survive to see another moonlit night alone," because it portrays all that human beings go through and long for, and then after all those desires are met, we still end up alone with ourselves.
Great work on this poem with this prompt! I wish you the very best in this contest. I believe this poem is a wonderful contender and hope plenty of people read the poems in the voting booth on this one!
Teresa
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Hello Deepwater - you have to let me know if this is a picture of you dressed in the outfit of a matador?
I am a fan of this poem for the contest! I did not enter, but I was hoping there would be at least one person who could write that they did live, "a life that was of my own choice." I think it's a terrific title, and a terrific message for your poem.
Because I read poems aloud to help me review, I found one line that stopped me momentarily. I understood it, but was tripped up with the idea that others may or may not understand, and it could easily be changed if you would want to take the suggestion...I only suggest and never dictate because only the poet knows for sure what was meant to be on the page (or screen in this case). In the seventh line, I would suggest changing around the wording to read, "Then you will be at peace with yourself."
In truth, that is one of my favorite parts of your poem. You do a wonderful job in those first six lines to describe how we all, "bet your soul against the human unknown". Your further descriptions of all the choices and experiences that shape a life truly enhance the final truth of your own life; that you are happy and comfortable with the choices you made, and therefore lived the life you wanted to live.
I think your poem does a great job of giving a balance to the writing prompt that assumes people are mostly worried they made the wrong choices and therefore are unhappy and wishing they had the chance to do it all over again. I'd say that there are, indeed, a LOT of people out there who feel that way. I personally subscribe to the idea that every experience in your life, good or bad, has shaped you into the person you are at any given point of your lifetime. I would say, then, that it boils down to deciding if you like who you are.
Okay, I think I got off the subject a bit - I'm a little tired :-) I do have one more thought about your poem's final four lines. You see, in all the lines before these four at the end, there is reference to the reader as "you". In those final four lines, that characterization has switched into, "I" instead. I think it happened with a line I also believe could benefit from some quotation marks: And to be able to say, "I am my best friend."
I'm thinking that these final four lines might benefit from being set apart somehow, since they are personal experiences. Otherwise, it could be beneficial to change the "I" words to "you" in order to match the rest of the poem.
And finally, I like that you've done this poem in a free verse style because it therefore fits the idea of a freestyle kind of life that could be lived.
I also like the idea of, "seeking intimate wealth," as what I interpret as a search for love and acceptance from friends.
My favorite lines here area, "To experience lust, love, anger, tears and pain only to survive to see another moonlit night alone," because it portrays all that human beings go through and long for, and then after all those desires are met, we still end up alone with ourselves.
Great work on this poem with this prompt! I wish you the very best in this contest. I believe this poem is a wonderful contender and hope plenty of people read the poems in the voting booth on this one!
Teresa
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from clsunli
This was an inspiring work. Sometimes we dont know what we miss in life until its already passed us by. hold no regrets. thank you for sharing your works.
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This was an inspiring work. Sometimes we dont know what we miss in life until its already passed us by. hold no regrets. thank you for sharing your works.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from Louise Michelle
Very nice. I like so many of your word choices, but especially 'down the farthest side...'
That's such an original way to express an old theme. I enjoyed your piece.
Lou
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Very nice. I like so many of your word choices, but especially 'down the farthest side...'
That's such an original way to express an old theme. I enjoyed your piece.
Lou
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from volunteer angel
Sounds like this life is filled with experiences both good and bad. That's the way it is for all of us. In the end we are our own best friend, and if we're at peace, that's what counts. Great poem! V.A.
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Sounds like this life is filled with experiences both good and bad. That's the way it is for all of us. In the end we are our own best friend, and if we're at peace, that's what counts. Great poem! V.A.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from dismac (Paul)
This is a really personal sentiment and well expressed. I so enjoyed reading. This is a good lesson in recognizing the choices we have made. Well done. Paul
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This is a really personal sentiment and well expressed. I so enjoyed reading. This is a good lesson in recognizing the choices we have made. Well done. Paul
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from Des Beirne
a very good read though I don't agree with all you say I found line five to be quite negative.
Your poem worked well as a message and was well written.
Good luck in the contest.
Des
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a very good read though I don't agree with all you say I found line five to be quite negative.
Your poem worked well as a message and was well written.
Good luck in the contest.
Des
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
Comment from mushroom
well you have met the criteria for the contest, I found this to be interesting, so many people never get to live he life they should for one reason or another, well written
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well you have met the criteria for the contest, I found this to be interesting, so many people never get to live he life they should for one reason or another, well written
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
