Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Part 2 Chapter 6"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
89 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
This chapter is too short and left me hanging on every word to find a clue as to Anna's where-abouts. I know Troy is beside himself with worry and so am I! I hope Paul can extend Bobby's jail sentence...surely they won't let him out...or will they? I am full of questions but will have to wait for the next chapter. Well done....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Hi Barbara,
This chapter is too short and left me hanging on every word to find a clue as to Anna's where-abouts. I know Troy is beside himself with worry and so am I! I hope Paul can extend Bobby's jail sentence...surely they won't let him out...or will they? I am full of questions but will have to wait for the next chapter. Well done....blessings, chey
Comment Written 30-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Allezw2
Lady barbara wilkey,
Sometimes the good guys can get in a lick or two.
It is truly amazing what the ramifications to a violent act cam be.
Fantasist
For your consideration, or not:
- "Tomorrow I'll go down to the courthouse and see what's been filed[.]"
Slow down lady. This one of the silly ones.
- It seems[,] he's already filed for
I don't believe that comma is necessary.
- "Tomorrow I meet not only with men from Stonewall County but two people from the Federal Railroad Administration.
This seems too long. Too many words to say that he is meeting with people from Stonewall County and The Federal Railroad Administration. Perhaps a separate sentence to emphasize the presence of the feds?
- We need to come up with a cost effective plan to repair the wear-and-tear of the bridge.
- Couldn't the sentence simply say that a cost effective plan to repair the bridge is needed?
- "Hello." He listened, then replied, "Aunt Margaret, is something wrong?"
I really am missing the aunt's dialog which would clear up the sentence. It would have been clearer if she had answered his, "Hello," with her name. The [He listened, then replied,] strikes me as being out of sequence.
This is a question of style, however, the attributions would be clearer and they would follow the dialog instead of leading it.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Lady barbara wilkey,
Sometimes the good guys can get in a lick or two.
It is truly amazing what the ramifications to a violent act cam be.
Fantasist
For your consideration, or not:
- "Tomorrow I'll go down to the courthouse and see what's been filed[.]"
Slow down lady. This one of the silly ones.
- It seems[,] he's already filed for
I don't believe that comma is necessary.
- "Tomorrow I meet not only with men from Stonewall County but two people from the Federal Railroad Administration.
This seems too long. Too many words to say that he is meeting with people from Stonewall County and The Federal Railroad Administration. Perhaps a separate sentence to emphasize the presence of the feds?
- We need to come up with a cost effective plan to repair the wear-and-tear of the bridge.
- Couldn't the sentence simply say that a cost effective plan to repair the bridge is needed?
- "Hello." He listened, then replied, "Aunt Margaret, is something wrong?"
I really am missing the aunt's dialog which would clear up the sentence. It would have been clearer if she had answered his, "Hello," with her name. The [He listened, then replied,] strikes me as being out of sequence.
This is a question of style, however, the attributions would be clearer and they would follow the dialog instead of leading it.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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I can't give the Aunts dialogue because I am in Troy's POV. I will make a hard copy and make the corrections. Thank you for your kind review.
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Right!
Comment from nanna
I have read earlier sequences from this book and I think this keeps the story going well. It is hard to decide how much to put on line each time I understand.
The excuses you give for both battered wives and the guilty person apply equally in my country too.
I think you are doing a good job of trying to show the consequences of this sort of behaviour.
I hope the story has a good ending Nanna
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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I have read earlier sequences from this book and I think this keeps the story going well. It is hard to decide how much to put on line each time I understand.
The excuses you give for both battered wives and the guilty person apply equally in my country too.
I think you are doing a good job of trying to show the consequences of this sort of behaviour.
I hope the story has a good ending Nanna
Comment Written 30-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Tellis
He's got his whole family rooting for him I can see now. They must really want some grandkids. I hope that Anna is okay. Great chapter.
Tellis
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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He's got his whole family rooting for him I can see now. They must really want some grandkids. I hope that Anna is okay. Great chapter.
Tellis
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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I hadn't thought of grandkids. I am sure I can fit that in somehow. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from fairy77
The story is getting exciting.I think next chapter they may find Anna.A lawyer is a great idea.This family has brains.I would give it six stars but I've none left.You write so well.There are many characters is a good plot.Well done its almost a script.beth
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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The story is getting exciting.I think next chapter they may find Anna.A lawyer is a great idea.This family has brains.I would give it six stars but I've none left.You write so well.There are many characters is a good plot.Well done its almost a script.beth
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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The virtual six is wonderful. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from writerwish
Okay. So who is at the door?? You've got me hooked. I always read your messages first. Well written and exciting. I am able to picture the scenes. One suggestion:
I was thrown off a little with the sentence: Any way to know how much more time she can be missing? Maybe reword..Is there any way to find out how much time she can be away before she gets in trouble..Or indictment or summons. I don't know. You are the author.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Okay. So who is at the door?? You've got me hooked. I always read your messages first. Well written and exciting. I am able to picture the scenes. One suggestion:
I was thrown off a little with the sentence: Any way to know how much more time she can be missing? Maybe reword..Is there any way to find out how much time she can be away before she gets in trouble..Or indictment or summons. I don't know. You are the author.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Good point on that sentence, I will reword. Thank you.
Comment from Charlene0513
To barbara.wilkey,
A mysterious and devious account of Anna's disappearance is starting to surface. Troy dad (Paul) takes on the case as an x-lawyer; plans to go pro-bono
His Aunt is following up with someone; possibly a private eye investigation.
It's an ongoing saga determining Anne's whereabouts.
Paul listened for a moment to the person(on) the phone and said,....
Charlene
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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To barbara.wilkey,
A mysterious and devious account of Anna's disappearance is starting to surface. Troy dad (Paul) takes on the case as an x-lawyer; plans to go pro-bono
His Aunt is following up with someone; possibly a private eye investigation.
It's an ongoing saga determining Anne's whereabouts.
Paul listened for a moment to the person(on) the phone and said,....
Charlene
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from patwannabe
barbara, another good chapter. I really appreciate your writing style. Clear, concise, and always moves forward.
I imagine that Aunt Margaret has Anna in tow. Hope so, anyhow. Otherwise, why would she be so secretive.
I lived with abuse and couldn't leave because I had five children, no place to go and no way to get there. I'm free, now.
Well done, as usual. pat
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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barbara, another good chapter. I really appreciate your writing style. Clear, concise, and always moves forward.
I imagine that Aunt Margaret has Anna in tow. Hope so, anyhow. Otherwise, why would she be so secretive.
I lived with abuse and couldn't leave because I had five children, no place to go and no way to get there. I'm free, now.
Well done, as usual. pat
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and constant support.
Comment from axelbeariter
This is one of your better chapters. Not only do you provide the reader with much relevant information, but your ending makes any reader with a brain anxiously await your next chapter to find out who that someone is.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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This is one of your better chapters. Not only do you provide the reader with much relevant information, but your ending makes any reader with a brain anxiously await your next chapter to find out who that someone is.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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You can't have this chapter without the previous chapter leading up to it. The foundation must be laid. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from tango494
The more I read of this story the more caught up I get with your characters. I still have to go back and read the earlier parts but this is really good stuff. Is this your first book? Anyway I am honored to be able to review your works.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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The more I read of this story the more caught up I get with your characters. I still have to go back and read the earlier parts but this is really good stuff. Is this your first book? Anyway I am honored to be able to review your works.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
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Not it's not my first novel, I think it's my fourth. I appreciate your kind review and encouraging words.
