Walk In The Dark Forest
Ivan sneaks off the school bus55 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
Very good, tight writing here, and a complete story in a capsule. You caught the bravado of Ivan, and the saving grace of his school mate, Annie. This is very good work, and I am happy to add my little blurb to the many that you have already received.
Cheers, irish
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Very good, tight writing here, and a complete story in a capsule. You caught the bravado of Ivan, and the saving grace of his school mate, Annie. This is very good work, and I am happy to add my little blurb to the many that you have already received.
Cheers, irish
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Wow, a big 6 from you, Irish! Thanks a million for that and for your really nice comments. I'm watching for your next post. luv,Marie
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Alaskastory
So nice to read something that is light and easy to read
I love your little story
Please give us more.
Nice meeting you here on Fanstory
Gert
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Hello Alaskastory
So nice to read something that is light and easy to read
I love your little story
Please give us more.
Nice meeting you here on Fanstory
Gert
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Thanks so much, Gert. I appreciate your comments and your review.
Comment from animatqua
This is cute. It's so much like a boy of about eight years old: bravado, pumped up estimate of ability, then "Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?"
Of course Mom is usually there to pull him out of his perplexity. Nice job on putting all of that together.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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This is cute. It's so much like a boy of about eight years old: bravado, pumped up estimate of ability, then "Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?"
Of course Mom is usually there to pull him out of his perplexity. Nice job on putting all of that together.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Your comments are very inspiring. Thanks for doing a review on this little story.
Comment from jgirlie152
Hey, very good story you have written. Kept me on the edge of my seat wondering if you were going to get eaten or beaten or some such horrible adventure. So glad it was your mom coming to rescue you, and hopefully you weren't too punished by getting off the school bus.
Joan :)
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Hey, very good story you have written. Kept me on the edge of my seat wondering if you were going to get eaten or beaten or some such horrible adventure. So glad it was your mom coming to rescue you, and hopefully you weren't too punished by getting off the school bus.
Joan :)
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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How sweet to read of your enjoyment of this little story. Thanks so much, Joan, for doing this review.
Comment from rchitwood
Very well written and I really enjoyed reading it. Like most small ones Mom come to the rescue when her little needs it.Thank you for sharing.Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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Very well written and I really enjoyed reading it. Like most small ones Mom come to the rescue when her little needs it.Thank you for sharing.Blessings Rita
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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Thank you, Rita, for your kind remarks and the time you gave the review of this little story.
Comment from c_lucas
An interesting flash fiction. It is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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An interesting flash fiction. It is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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What really inspiring comments you make. Thanks for reviewing this little story.
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You're welcome, A. Charlie
Comment from Ian Ayris
Very nice. Particularly love the writing of the forest and the snow. I notice from some other reviews, you mention the word-count. To tighten this one up, you could cut all the dialogue at the start, beginning the piece with 'I pull on my mittens, salute my friend, Annie, then step up and over the tall snow bank.' Focuses on the main character then, and starts the piece with action - always a good thing with a short piece of writing.
Hope that helps.
Warmest regards,
Ian
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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Very nice. Particularly love the writing of the forest and the snow. I notice from some other reviews, you mention the word-count. To tighten this one up, you could cut all the dialogue at the start, beginning the piece with 'I pull on my mittens, salute my friend, Annie, then step up and over the tall snow bank.' Focuses on the main character then, and starts the piece with action - always a good thing with a short piece of writing.
Hope that helps.
Warmest regards,
Ian
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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Your remarks are helpful. Thanks for taking time to review this little story.
Comment from Ure Connection
I feel this is a story starter that has suddenly stopped.
The characters are introduced with a brief piece of potential drama before being stopped.
I encourage you to take this and write a fuller version incorporating all five senses as he sees the tracks in the snow etc.
Aaron
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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I feel this is a story starter that has suddenly stopped.
The characters are introduced with a brief piece of potential drama before being stopped.
I encourage you to take this and write a fuller version incorporating all five senses as he sees the tracks in the snow etc.
Aaron
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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Your comments are helpful, but in a picture book or child's magazine, where word requirements mean short, illustrations fill in lots of detail. It is a strange twist for writers. Thanks for the review.
Comment from Aarondodd1989
nice piece, slightly predictable but it's well written enough that you can get away with that. Vivid description and good character development for a piece so short. Good work.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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nice piece, slightly predictable but it's well written enough that you can get away with that. Vivid description and good character development for a piece so short. Good work.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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What really inspiring compliments you offer. Thanks for taking time to review this little story.
Comment from TammyGail
Very nice story .... Loved it and and your picture thanks so much for sharing .... I'll have to read some more of your work sometime soon :)
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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Very nice story .... Loved it and and your picture thanks so much for sharing .... I'll have to read some more of your work sometime soon :)
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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I appreciate your compliment. Thanks so much for reviewing this little story.
