Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Part 3 Chapter 5"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
94 total reviews
Comment from Deejharrington
Well, they have something to start with. But if she's in a women's shelter, they won't reveal if she's there or not. They keep everything very confidential. But maybe they'll have better luck. Very well written and a honest meeting of a family trying to solve a mystery.
deb
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
  |
Well, they have something to start with. But if she's in a women's shelter, they won't reveal if she's there or not. They keep everything very confidential. But maybe they'll have better luck. Very well written and a honest meeting of a family trying to solve a mystery.
deb
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
I agree. Soon we will have some idea where Anna is hiding. I appreciate your kind review.
-
You're welcome
deb
Comment from alawyer
Good story with a familiar message and plotline but you attempted to twist the plot in a varied direction. Some good craftsmanship but try reworking your descriptions - for instance - instead of "large" describe it's size compared to something else or in relation to something else - try this method and go through and scrub.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
 |
Good story with a familiar message and plotline but you attempted to twist the plot in a varied direction. Some good craftsmanship but try reworking your descriptions - for instance - instead of "large" describe it's size compared to something else or in relation to something else - try this method and go through and scrub.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
I doubt people would talk that way, at least nobody I know. I will keep it the way it is. Thank you
-
to each his own but I wonder why some folks put their work out for critiques with answers like these? Is it just to accumulate more points and win accolades in a mutual admiration society here?
-
If you read the rest of my reviews you would see that the descriptions I have used worked very well. You are the only person who complained about them. I have also done extensive research on the subject.
-
Write as you please. But never assume that because your work gets accolades on this page that it is in perfect condition. Don't assume the opposite of course. I suggest that you try going to an onsite writer's program with people who have published successfully and work through some critiques. You might find it illuminating. Best of luck to you.
-
I have been on this site long enough to know which reviewers to listen to every word they say and which ones not to listen to. The ones I listen to have been published and two of them are actual editors in their spare time. Just a point, I was buying my husband a certain tool which I know nothing about, and I was telling my friend, "I batted my big brown eyes at him and he helped me." My point is and I thought about it after I said it. IN dialogue a person would say large, not something else. When I am describing something outside of dialogue, I would use something esle, but this is dialogue and needs to sound as people normally speak.
-
Interesting and you just proved my point on something. The only time that I have ever heard anyone say "a large bag" instead of "it was really big" or "this huge bag" or "that thing was bigger than me" or it "weighed me down because of its size and weight" or whatever was when they were testifying or making a statement. The word large conveys a sense of formality - and that was just one EXAMPLE that I was making - though you seem to have latched onto it as proof that I must be incorrect. There are lots of ways to do things - I was merely pointing out that there are alternatives to create a more interesting story. But you're set and you've made your decision and you only listen to certain editors and people who give you an "excellent" grade. So it's not worth discussing further is it?
Comment from volcomfury
Saw this on the front page, and though I'd read it. I enjoyed the read quite a bit. I'll now go check out the previous chapters.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
|
Saw this on the front page, and though I'd read it. I enjoyed the read quite a bit. I'll now go check out the previous chapters.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review and glad you enjoyed.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Well written description of working with a sketch artist to make a portrait. I like the detail you put into this and as always thanks for addressing this topic!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
|
Well written description of working with a sketch artist to make a portrait. I like the detail you put into this and as always thanks for addressing this topic!!! Debbie
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mumsyone
Another great chapter. It's always interesting how artists sketch pictures from details given by people. Glad to see Troy's family is trying to help him find Anna.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
|
Another great chapter. It's always interesting how artists sketch pictures from details given by people. Glad to see Troy's family is trying to help him find Anna.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
HI BARBARA! I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL PORTRAYING REAL EMOTIONS. IN THIS CHAPTER, YOU CAUGHT MY ATTENTION AND HELD ON TO THE END, A VERY WELL WRITTEN AND VERY INTERESTING STORY AS WELL!
GREAT JOB!!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
|
HI BARBARA! I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL PORTRAYING REAL EMOTIONS. IN THIS CHAPTER, YOU CAUGHT MY ATTENTION AND HELD ON TO THE END, A VERY WELL WRITTEN AND VERY INTERESTING STORY AS WELL!
GREAT JOB!!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
So Troy's family is teasing him, although they are serious about finding Anna. It does seem that Troy sees Anna as prettier than she really is.
I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize in the text, but some Evil Eddie hash has crept into your author notes.
Dave
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
|
Barbara,
So Troy's family is teasing him, although they are serious about finding Anna. It does seem that Troy sees Anna as prettier than she really is.
I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize in the text, but some Evil Eddie hash has crept into your author notes.
Dave
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
He usually does. I enjoyed your kind review and support. I will fix those notes.
Comment from dmjones
Hi Barbara, Excellent chapter. Troy's relationship with his family is close. I can tell from this and prior chapters. You did a great job of protraying real emotions. I didn't spot any spag.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
|
Hi Barbara, Excellent chapter. Troy's relationship with his family is close. I can tell from this and prior chapters. You did a great job of protraying real emotions. I didn't spot any spag.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from JW
This is another great chapter and definitely moves the story along. One cannot help but wonder if he is right that Anna is in a hotel. Good job. JW
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
|
This is another great chapter and definitely moves the story along. One cannot help but wonder if he is right that Anna is in a hotel. Good job. JW
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, a great job writing this chapter for your book,, an indication of how well troy paid attention to anna's details, i enjoyed reading this
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
|
this is very well written, barbara, a great job writing this chapter for your book,, an indication of how well troy paid attention to anna's details, i enjoyed reading this
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
