Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

A rose dripping blood. That's an attention grabbing picture that obviously adds depth to this writing. Descriptive language used throughout held reader's interest as well. Write on.

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015

Thank so much, B. I appreciate your generous review.

:) Bev

Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Hi writingfundimension

Your characters do seem to have a very nasty phantom to deal with here, and his victims certainly need some assistance. The revisions appear to have filled out the story a little, adding some details and enhancing the action and the tension.

Well done.

Patrick

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015

Thanks so much, Patrick. I really appreciate your noting the editing changes. I worked my booty to get it just right. It's not perfect, but I agree it's better.

:) Bev

Comment from Showboat

Excellent

I love stories like this! Reminds me of a writer today, very prolific (brain fart, can't remember her name) about a team of folks with special 'gifts' that hunt ghosts, et al. Very very good.

Below are some things to consider:

Turning eyes artfully made up to enhance their unusual cobalt color,....eyes circled the table... -- I think you might be able to tweak this sentence a bit 'Her eyes, artfully made up to enhance their unusual cobalt color, circled the table...' maybe? Just wondering, your choice.

rabies and{,} purports{,} to enjoy-- you really don't need these guys.

escaping his course laughter..coarse

Outstanding job Bev, as always, you deliver.

Hugs,
Gayle

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015

It's great to be back with my team. I really appreciate the great review and very helpful suggestions. Thanks so much, my friend!

:) Bev

Comment from Adri7enne

Excellent

Nice bit of research about bats, Bev. Or do you have a photographic memory?

I'm enjoying this story. I can't understand why you put in on such a long hiatus. I should talk!

Good writing, Bev. I like all your little stops along the way - the near miss on the ice, the change of POV from one character to another = all skillfully handled. Charles Bllingham is coming across as a very unsavory character. Good story!

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015

Hi, Adrienne. I only wish I had a photographic memory. Thanks for the great review. I especially appreciate you mentioning the POV as that is quite the challenge with this novel. I think it was overwhelming when I didn't have a better handle on how to deal with that.

I'm glad you liked the chapter--things are going to be getting very weird and, I hope, even more intense.

:) Bev

Comment from CR Delport

Excellent

I never got to read it the first time so for me this is all new. It is very well written with great descriptions and settings. The characters are well defined and the dialogue is very good and natural. It all makes for a very interesting read. Good job.
Have a great day.
Christelle.

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015

Hi, CR. Thanks for this grand review. I'll be posting this as fast as I can re-edit, about once a week, as I have 17 seventeen chapters originally written LoL. I appreciate your support and encouragement.

:) Bev

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Exceptional

You describe the paranormal activity in a fantastic way and in a very convincing way, Bev. I was quite pleased to see this posted because I enjoy the story, and I think I'm learning more about writing from it, Giddy

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015

Hi, Giddy. What a lovely review! Thanks for your encouragement and generosity. I'm glad to be back with the gang. I had originally posted seventeen chapters, so I'll be posting more often as I re-edit. Thanks, too,
for your very kind compliment on the writing. After nearly five years on the site, I finally feel like a real writer, albeit one that is always learning from others. Have a good week.

:) Bev

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Oooo, it's back! My ghost story. Yay!

I'm offering a couple of very minor suggestions this time:

1) I'd use the word "tightening" instead of 'closing' in this sentence - "...way around the noose that was (closing)..."

2)In this bit, and the waitress - "...smooth a hand over her flat belly..." then shortly after, her voice is "smooth as spun silk" - maybe 'satiny' or something similar instead?

These kids might have bitten off more than they can chew...Bellingham's ghost is POWERFUL! Great chapter, Bev. :)

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015

Hi, Dawn. Thanks so much for this your very gracious review. It feels to be back with the gang. I appreciate you catching those two sections, I'll head back to change them. As always, great to hear from you.

:) Bev

reply by Dawn Munro on 14-Apr-2015

As always, a pleasure, my friend! :)

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This is quite a comprehensive and interesting post that the author has created with this piece of work. I haven't been religiously following this story, but this chapter has taken my fancy. Well done.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015

Thank you very much, Tomes. I'd put this aside for a time, but now will be continuing to post this story. There a lot of neat stuff I'm planning for future chapters. I appreciate your interest!

Bev

reply by Tomes Johnston on 14-Apr-2015

You are welcome

Comment from Rosalyne

Exceptional

Hi, Bev.
I'm so glad to see you've continued with your book! The tension is great and keeps rising as the chapter comes to an exciting end. Mia's gifts are so well shown, and hearing the voice of the woman is excellent. "Mia's comforting response remained unformed as a black mass rose up behind the woman's figure, swallowing all trace of her." What an excellent chilling sentence, followed by the concluding paragraph, which is so descriptive and eerie. Awesome write!
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015

Hi, Rosalyne. I so appreciate your wonderful review, my friend. Thank you for your encouragement and support. I always smile when I see your name, knowing I will be touched by your gracious, and always-kind insights.

Hugs,

Bev

Comment from thee-name

Excellent

Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Chapter was interesting.

Mike gulped the last of his ice tea. Leaning back on his chair, he lanced his fingers behind his head.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015

Thank you much for taking time to read, T. I appreciate it.

:) Bev

reply by thee-name on 14-Apr-2015

thank you!