New day
About new day.15 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi anna! I love the message you are sharing in this 5/7/5 poem. Your second line has one too many syllables. I counted 8 syllables. maybe take out the word "cute" and it will work. I wish you luck in this contest.
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Hi anna! I love the message you are sharing in this 5/7/5 poem. Your second line has one too many syllables. I counted 8 syllables. maybe take out the word "cute" and it will work. I wish you luck in this contest.
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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thanks .... well I couldnt delete d word cute.....hehheehe
Comment from bkbehera
It is a lovely piece of work narrating about how to nicely manage a tussle free good day with out accountability. The composition is simple and enjoyable to read.I would like to recommend it as one of the best entry. Good luck
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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It is a lovely piece of work narrating about how to nicely manage a tussle free good day with out accountability. The composition is simple and enjoyable to read.I would like to recommend it as one of the best entry. Good luck
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Thank u very much for appreciation.
Comment from uniqueauthor
This is an excellent example of the Haiku 5-7-5 poety form. A word of advice though, Japanese poetry froms do not utilize capitals untless the noun is proper. Edit your poem and I will glady update my rating.
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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This is an excellent example of the Haiku 5-7-5 poety form. A word of advice though, Japanese poetry froms do not utilize capitals untless the noun is proper. Edit your poem and I will glady update my rating.
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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thank foe review... Its just a fun poem
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You're welcome. Peace for today
Comment from phill doran
Hello there
I think you need to relook at line 2 - I count 8 syllables and you should be aiming for 7;
One MUST have A short CUTE deBATE.
Aside for this, I am battling to determine the meaning of the last line - sorry if I am being thick , but I cannot work out what it means.
Good luck with this
Cheers
phill
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Hello there
I think you need to relook at line 2 - I count 8 syllables and you should be aiming for 7;
One MUST have A short CUTE deBATE.
Aside for this, I am battling to determine the meaning of the last line - sorry if I am being thick , but I cannot work out what it means.
Good luck with this
Cheers
phill
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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well, i like the line rhythm......
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Hello Anna
Well, it is good that you write for rhythm of words - but you do need to think about the reader too: offer the peice as a work in its own right and it will be reviewed like that, perhaps favourably - but if you offer it as a 5-7-5 it can ONLY be reviewed as a 5-7-5. If it does not have that structure, the review will always be poorer.
Just some thoughts - I wish you well
phill
Comment from Taurean Monkey
Hi Anna, nice poem but I'm afraid I counted 8 syllables on line 2, making your poem a 5-8-5 entered into a 5-7-5 contest. I didn't fully understand your 'but still don't try rate' but that may be a cultural difference that I can't access. Let me know if I'm wrong about your count on line two (and I'll offer you an apology). Kind regards TM
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Hi Anna, nice poem but I'm afraid I counted 8 syllables on line 2, making your poem a 5-8-5 entered into a 5-7-5 contest. I didn't fully understand your 'but still don't try rate' but that may be a cultural difference that I can't access. Let me know if I'm wrong about your count on line two (and I'll offer you an apology). Kind regards TM
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Thanks for finding 8 I was trying to count it 7. Hahahaa....Im little naughty
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No probs Anna :-)
Comment from shirley31
Hello Anna99
i love that you have tried to pull this off 5 7 5 i adore this type poetry because we have to cram so much into so little, you have made a great effort!
The new day is great,
One must have a short cute debate,
But still don't try rate.
just by removing "one" you'll succeed and remember its also imagination of the reader! Big hugs shirl...
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2011
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Hello Anna99
i love that you have tried to pull this off 5 7 5 i adore this type poetry because we have to cram so much into so little, you have made a great effort!
The new day is great,
One must have a short cute debate,
But still don't try rate.
just by removing "one" you'll succeed and remember its also imagination of the reader! Big hugs shirl...
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2011
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Thank you very much Shirley for appreciation. I have tried to write in short way. I will try to correct this poem. I love it because I didnt think too much about words when I wrote it. LOL :-)
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thats something we have in common! L:O:L x x x
Comment from Debasish Datta
A sincere attempt, but please check, I don't think the syllable count matches the 5-7-5 scheme. What is clear from your last line is that you are quite diffident about your own work but very truthful. The suggestion is that at this stage don't tie yourself into particular rhyme schemes. Free youself and write for yourself, not for judges. That'll give more confidence. Wishing you the best. Debasish
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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A sincere attempt, but please check, I don't think the syllable count matches the 5-7-5 scheme. What is clear from your last line is that you are quite diffident about your own work but very truthful. The suggestion is that at this stage don't tie yourself into particular rhyme schemes. Free youself and write for yourself, not for judges. That'll give more confidence. Wishing you the best. Debasish
Comment Written 13-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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Thank you for appreciation. You really inspire me by your words. I agree that I should write for myself from my inner self. I feel very fresh about writing lyrics which a significant meaning. Thank you once again. God bless you :)
Comment from mumsyone
Sorry, I'm not getting much of a message from your poem. The first line is fine. In the second line, however, the word 'cute' (which is not needed at all), throws that line to 8 syllables instead of the required 7; and the last line makes no sense at all as written. Also, I'm wondering why it is listed as Song Lyrics Poetry??
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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Sorry, I'm not getting much of a message from your poem. The first line is fine. In the second line, however, the word 'cute' (which is not needed at all), throws that line to 8 syllables instead of the required 7; and the last line makes no sense at all as written. Also, I'm wondering why it is listed as Song Lyrics Poetry??
Comment Written 13-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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Well, not everyone can understand the message and lines are done like in lyrics way.
Comment from Cooper Watt
Hi Anna,
I'm sorry, friend, but this poem makes no sense to me. Plus, the second line is 8 syllables -- it's supposed to be 7. ("debate" is a 2-syllable word) And, I have no idea how the third line relates to the first line, or even the second line.
Perhaps I'm thick, but after racking my brain, I simply can't see where this poem is going.
Sincerely,
Coop.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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Hi Anna,
I'm sorry, friend, but this poem makes no sense to me. Plus, the second line is 8 syllables -- it's supposed to be 7. ("debate" is a 2-syllable word) And, I have no idea how the third line relates to the first line, or even the second line.
Perhaps I'm thick, but after racking my brain, I simply can't see where this poem is going.
Sincerely,
Coop.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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Thanks for your opinion. I really need to fix the last line. Im not used to write short poems.
Comment from Kevin C
This is an excellent write in thought and words. I love the message here. The only thing I see is that on line two you have eight syllables. Still it is 5 overall. Keep on writing and don't be turned off by a low rating. You did very well on this.
Kevin
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2011
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This is an excellent write in thought and words. I love the message here. The only thing I see is that on line two you have eight syllables. Still it is 5 overall. Keep on writing and don't be turned off by a low rating. You did very well on this.
Kevin
Comment Written 10-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2011
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Thank you fro inspiring me. Its tough to go with writing as I dont follow rules, I just write.
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You are quite welcome. I don't follow the rules either so I understand. I think if yoiu can't write from you heart for me at least I wouldn't be writing. Keep writing and hope to read more of your poems.
