Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

I was delighted to see this post, Bev. I'm really enjoying the story and it's something entirely different for me. I'm now just like the characters, can't wait to see what transpires! Giddy :)

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

Hi, Giddy. Thank you so much for this great review. I'm honored by your kind and supportive words. xx Bev

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Very interesting. I must say you can paint a scene pretty well. Good internal dialogue also. This was very well written. I saw nothing out of place. Well done.

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

Thanks so much, lancellot. I appreciate your review and interest. :) Bev

Comment from chasennov

Excellent

a murderous spirit attacks one of the Team members Paranormal Adventures 'First Blood.' This was another good read I had out of your excellent chapters, Bev. Your work is always interesting and I can never find any fault with it. Well done.

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

Thanks so much, Chasennov. I really appreciate your comments and insights. Glad to hear you found reading it a 'good' experience. :) Bev

reply by chasennov on 21-Sep-2014

You are always welcome, Bev.

reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

:)

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

Love your story, Bev. There's a couple of questions I have.

1. Are you sending this to a traditional publisher?
2. Why do you use stars in between your storyline? I kind of find that distracting. If you were to change the scene altogether or go from one thing to an absolutely different thing, then I might agree with it. But it's the same people speaking, the same scene, and so forth.
3. I have learned through courses I have taken, that publishers do not like any other word used for tags, such as 'she interjected'. Just said is what they want. And of course, if two people are talking back and forth, no need for who is speaking. It just is dialogue going on between two people, so speech tags are taboo.

Anyway, these were just a couple of things I thought I would mention. Some writers learn different things, but I have experienced those situations by courses I've taken.

You can take or leave what I have mentioned. Just want to share a few things I noticed. Hope you don't mind. I am not an expert by any means.

I love your story. It is flowing well and the dialogue is completely believable. I think you have a hit on your hands.

Best wishes for a wonderful week ahead. Hugs, Drew

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

Hi Drew. I appreciate your questions and your comments. I am using the slight breaks because there's a change in POV. It's noticeable if you look closely. Anyway, I've had writers I respect suggest an approach of some sort when you have so many POV's going. Sorry if it was distracting.

Other than writing omniscient, which I don't want to do with this novel, it's a way to keep things clear.

There's different minds on using speech tags. I've cut them down considerably in this, and feel what's left will keep the reader from getting confused. At least that's my thinking on it.

Thanks for the review and support. I appreciate it.

:) Bev

reply by Drew Delaney on 21-Sep-2014

You know what? I never noticed the change in POV! Boy, what a duck I am. How could I miss that?

And of course, a change is good once in a while. I know what the should's and should nots are, but when you read a Nobel Prize book, they use what we learn not to. It is a choice we, as individual writers, have to feel good about. So sorry about not noticing. I guess I'm still tired even though I slept all afternoon. LOL

reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

I've screwed up on the POV so may times, and have had some very patient reviewers make good suggestions, that I think I'm beginning to sort of understand LOL. Your comments about the speech tags prompted me to go back and re-check. I found a couple places to tweak, so I did take your words to heart. Thanks again for the superb attention to the chapter, Drew. I do appreciate it.

:) Bev

reply by Drew Delaney on 21-Sep-2014

Awesome! So glad not to offend.

reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

Oh, not at all. I'm always in a position to learn how to be better. :)

Comment from onebrit

Excellent

Another great chapter. I love this group of slightly off kilter friends. They each bring something a little off balance to the whole making it strong.good dialogue. Well written

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

Hi, onebrit. I thank you for this wonderful review. I'm glad you're liking my characters. I appreciate your sharing that with me! Warm regards, Bev

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

"the Tipsy Butler is a cool name for a B&B. I always stay at B&Bs when I can. Sounds like the spirit is going to target Mia. Now we'll find out why he's haunting

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014

From all reports, it's an exceptional B&B. Thanks for the review, Seaglass. :) Bev

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Well I don't know what possesed me to read this chapter at night. Hope I don't have nightmares LOL!!! I notice you used GPA. I wonder if that is the same thing as GPS??? I won't read anymore until tomorrow morning. Great story but I get spooked too easy!

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012

Hi, Joy. That's likely a typo. You raise a good point, most of the scary shows are on television late at night. Does not bode well for a good night's sleep. But I understand why they put them on so late. Thanks so much, JOY. Love ya, Bev

Comment from Magic Wand

Excellent

And the intrigue continues. Good characterizations, and the strong emotions are showing realism. Visuals are again very good, as is the dialog. Keep on keeping on.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2011

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011

Hi, Magic Wand. Thanks for pointing out the things that you liked with this chapter. It's really helpful to know what works with a reader. A couple of these chapters have been 'less active' due to setting up characters and situations. So, I appreciate your continued interest and fab reviews! Warm regards, Bev

Comment from closetpoetjester

Excellent

Great in depth chapter Bev. Plenty of action with Mia's attack. Mike showed plenty of assertion in the situation with his insistance on the hospital. More nuts and bolts to the story with an assumption they would get help from the caretaker but indeed got the exact opposite. I see more danger ahead for this group. Nicely narrated, great descriptions and dialogue and a most plausible story. So plausible infact I have to resort to reading instalments during the day. LOL
Cheers and I look forward to your next chapter. Apologies for still being behind...a sick tribe at home and resentment towards any time I've spent on fs so had a night off. Plus I like devoting proper time to read chapters..Poetry is a little easier to assess while doing house chores...chapters are NOT! LOL
Please bear with me... Closet xo

 Comment Written 31-May-2011

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reply by the author on 31-May-2011

Hi, closet. I am just thrilled that you viewed my chapter, my friend. You always have an eye for making things more clear or appealing, which makes you a great reviewer. So, I'm happy that you found a little space of time amidst all the illness and other issues you mention. So, thanks so my friend for your sterlinng review! I really appreciate you! Hugs, Bev

Comment from thevenomouspen

Excellent

VERY VERY GOOD READING. I GENERALLY DO NOT READ MUCH FICTION BUT THIS GRABBED AND KEPT MY ATTENTION.The characters ars all believable and equally involved.I liked the balance and the headstrong demeaner of Mia.You are an exceptional writer. Keep up all the great work,

 Comment Written 27-May-2011

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reply by the author on 27-May-2011

Thank you so very much for your awesome review. You are most kind and it's responses like yours that keep me going ahead with the book. I am so appreciative of your interest and support. Warm regards, Bev

reply by thevenomouspen on 27-May-2011

YOU ARE WELCOME.WRITE ON...