Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "First Blood"Case Studies of Hauntings
66 total reviews
Comment from boxergirl
Good job, Bev, with the continuation of your story. Emma shows her kind character by taking care of Mia who has been punched by the ghost of Charles Bellingham. Mia's tough response in wanting to stay and find out some answers is realistic and engaging. Mike assures Mia that he will protect her from now on. All likeable characters. 8-)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
  |
Good job, Bev, with the continuation of your story. Emma shows her kind character by taking care of Mia who has been punched by the ghost of Charles Bellingham. Mia's tough response in wanting to stay and find out some answers is realistic and engaging. Mike assures Mia that he will protect her from now on. All likeable characters. 8-)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
Hiya, BG. Thanks for this very gracious and encouraging review. I'm so happy you're finding my characters likeable. More of their personalities will emerge, especially when they are stressed. Which, of course, is exactly what I have planned for them! :) Bev
Comment from jaeladarling
Woo, physical violence from beyond. Exciting chapter! The story is progressing nicely. Can't wait for the next installment! :)
As usual, a nit-list. :p Use whatever's useful. :)
********
"any difference, then Mia" (Either change the comma to a semicolon or add "but" before "then")
"to Mike who was" (Comma after "Mike")
"I can answer that question myself," (The comma should be a period.)
"I repeat... you might" (The ellipses should be a colon)
"Handing across the edge of one of them," (I'm not understanding what this means. Handing across the edge?)
"to hold Mia's hand which" (Comma after "hand")
"no concussion and he" (Comma after "concussion")
"the 6 cm. laceration." (This reads funny with the abbreviation. Plus, the 6 should be spelled out. Using "six-centimeter" would help a lot with readability.)
"nearby called, The Tipsy Butler." (No comma)
"last-minute cancellation which leaves" (Comma after "cancellation")
"is Jim Norris and he's" (Comma after "Norris")
"in ghosts, but is" (No comma)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
|
Woo, physical violence from beyond. Exciting chapter! The story is progressing nicely. Can't wait for the next installment! :)
As usual, a nit-list. :p Use whatever's useful. :)
********
"any difference, then Mia" (Either change the comma to a semicolon or add "but" before "then")
"to Mike who was" (Comma after "Mike")
"I can answer that question myself," (The comma should be a period.)
"I repeat... you might" (The ellipses should be a colon)
"Handing across the edge of one of them," (I'm not understanding what this means. Handing across the edge?)
"to hold Mia's hand which" (Comma after "hand")
"no concussion and he" (Comma after "concussion")
"the 6 cm. laceration." (This reads funny with the abbreviation. Plus, the 6 should be spelled out. Using "six-centimeter" would help a lot with readability.)
"nearby called, The Tipsy Butler." (No comma)
"last-minute cancellation which leaves" (Comma after "cancellation")
"is Jim Norris and he's" (Comma after "Norris")
"in ghosts, but is" (No comma)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
Thanks for the excellent review, Jaela. I appreciate your suggestions and have followed most of them. Glad you're liking the storyline. :) Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
"Once they were outside....Mike willed himself to BREATH normally." BREATHE
"I hope you can convince ------of the need ..." I hope you can convince HER?
Well done, Bev. Sounds like a fun job. I wonder how a total skeptic would do in that environment? Good story, girl.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
|
"Once they were outside....Mike willed himself to BREATH normally." BREATHE
"I hope you can convince ------of the need ..." I hope you can convince HER?
Well done, Bev. Sounds like a fun job. I wonder how a total skeptic would do in that environment? Good story, girl.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
Hi, Adrienne. I think a total skeptic would look for all possible human reasons for a noise, etc. You make a good point, and I can see that introducing that would create a better tension. So, thanks, my friend, as always. :) Bev
Comment from robina1978
I might have missed the previous chapters but this one is excellent. You are a very talented writer. The artwork complements it very well.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
 |
I might have missed the previous chapters but this one is excellent. You are a very talented writer. The artwork complements it very well.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
Thanks so much, Ine. I really appreciate your kind words of encouragement and your generosity. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hello, Bev! I've been checking each chapter you have been re-posting, and it looks like I missed a few chapters when you posted them a few years ago. So, I'll keep a lookout for the chapters I missed.
It's embarrassing to be twenty(-)eight
was with two Coke's(Cokes) and potato chips.
stronger than all of us put together psychically(,) and she's not going
I hope you can convince (her) of the need to return
Also, I noticed you used several 'that' in sentences where it isn't needed. I do that all the time, so I tend to notice it in other's work. I tell myself, if the sentence makes sense without 'that', I can delete it and make the sentence smoother.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
|
Hello, Bev! I've been checking each chapter you have been re-posting, and it looks like I missed a few chapters when you posted them a few years ago. So, I'll keep a lookout for the chapters I missed.
It's embarrassing to be twenty(-)eight
was with two Coke's(Cokes) and potato chips.
stronger than all of us put together psychically(,) and she's not going
I hope you can convince (her) of the need to return
Also, I noticed you used several 'that' in sentences where it isn't needed. I do that all the time, so I tend to notice it in other's work. I tell myself, if the sentence makes sense without 'that', I can delete it and make the sentence smoother.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
Hey, Karyn. Thanks for the very helpful review. Suggestions implemented! I appreciate you taking time to re-read and send along such an encouraging and generous review. :)
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Great pace, lots of action, drama and suspense. Well done, Bev. I love this team's attitude; forge ahead and strike while the iron is hot. However, it's a sobering thought that a spirit might be able to cause such serious physical harm.
I picked up on the deja vu feeling from Emma. Hmmmm. . . might she have been on the scene "back in the day?"
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
|
Great pace, lots of action, drama and suspense. Well done, Bev. I love this team's attitude; forge ahead and strike while the iron is hot. However, it's a sobering thought that a spirit might be able to cause such serious physical harm.
I picked up on the deja vu feeling from Emma. Hmmmm. . . might she have been on the scene "back in the day?"
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
I like where your mind is going on that, Marietta. Thanks so much for the really grand review! I appreciate your continued support and encouragement very much. :) Bev
Comment from mikemagine
Another very good, thrilling chapter with much tension and fine dialogue. I see zero weaknesses in this. I think you've got an excellent story that you ought to think about publishing. I think you're a top-notch writer!
Mike
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
|
Another very good, thrilling chapter with much tension and fine dialogue. I see zero weaknesses in this. I think you've got an excellent story that you ought to think about publishing. I think you're a top-notch writer!
Mike
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
Hiya, Mike. Thank you so much for this terrific review. I really appreciate how encouraging and supportive you are for this novel. :) Bev
-
You got it, Bev! Keep at it!
Mike
-
Thanks again, Mike. :)
-
You got it!!
Comment from c_lucas
I have never known one to be physically active against a living soul. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
|
I have never known one to be physically active against a living soul. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
Well, Charlie, I have a few clients and some personal experiences that would suggest another perspective on that. Thanks, as always, for your frank and supportive reviews.
:) Bev
-
I've experienced flying objects and verbal/mental abuse, but never physical abuse.
Comment from royowen
I loved this episode and revived post to get a handle on the up to date episodes, getting punched by an invisible poltergeist/ spook would be a terribly frightening thing to happen to one! Mike intends to stay with Mia, to make sure she's looked after her. Well written episode, I enjoyed the orientation, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
|
I loved this episode and revived post to get a handle on the up to date episodes, getting punched by an invisible poltergeist/ spook would be a terribly frightening thing to happen to one! Mike intends to stay with Mia, to make sure she's looked after her. Well written episode, I enjoyed the orientation, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
It's interesting to try to put into words what it feels like to be touched by a spirit entity. It's a weird combination of sensation and/or pressure. The mind automatically goes to the closest description it has available when you can't see what is physically touching you! I think it's not unlike the 'slaying of the spirit' people experience when overwhelmed by the incoming energy of the divine. In this case, the energy is not divine, of course.
Thanks for the great review, my friend.
:) Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
"I hope you can convince (-) of the need to return..." << Is there a word missing here?
I got chills right from the start of this chapter, Bev. When Mike felt that tap on his shoulder, it went through me as if I was the one who'd turned and found no one there.
This is excellent tension you are managing to maintain from one part to the next - there's no slack to the pace, and it's great!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
|
"I hope you can convince (-) of the need to return..." << Is there a word missing here?
I got chills right from the start of this chapter, Bev. When Mike felt that tap on his shoulder, it went through me as if I was the one who'd turned and found no one there.
This is excellent tension you are managing to maintain from one part to the next - there's no slack to the pace, and it's great!
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
-
Dawn, thank you so much for this awesome review. I have corrected the spaggy - extra special thanks for the sharp eye.
Hugs, Bev
