Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Part one Chapter four"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
83 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
You really do have a way of making your characters stand out. Troy's dad seems as real to me as Anna. I can also see you've done your research when writing this story. I know all too well how hard it is to break free of this type of situation. I love how you personalize Anna's struggle to regain her life. So many on the outside don't understand it's not as simple to just walk away.
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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You really do have a way of making your characters stand out. Troy's dad seems as real to me as Anna. I can also see you've done your research when writing this story. I know all too well how hard it is to break free of this type of situation. I love how you personalize Anna's struggle to regain her life. So many on the outside don't understand it's not as simple to just walk away.
Comment Written 17-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thank you, again for your insight.
Comment from rzubey
I'm really glad that Paul Sorenson got involved. I know that Anna must be in terrible physical and emotional pain, but she has to know that there are good people in the world. I'm glad, too, that Paul will put Anna in touch with an experienced lawyer who doesn't care about fees. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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I'm really glad that Paul Sorenson got involved. I know that Anna must be in terrible physical and emotional pain, but she has to know that there are good people in the world. I'm glad, too, that Paul will put Anna in touch with an experienced lawyer who doesn't care about fees. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Thank you
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
." She accepted the ice cream but then struggled to remove the lid[ with only one hand].
all in his hand[--]baseball, football, or basketball. --- Semicolons are used when what follows it is a complete sentence.
"From then on he felt he owned me and it was too late [to] do anything. I was pregnant."
He said[,] since we were going to be married and I was carrying his child[,] I needed to start acting like a wife.
They believed[,] since I was with child, in the eyes of God I was married and needed to make the best of it."
"We can't count on your parents for help[ then].
Legal: Since the police were called and they saw her condition and the baby's bruises, she no longer has the choice whether or not to press charges--the prosecutor will. they are adamant about prosecuting men who beat up their wives, especially when broken bones occur. She also has no choice regarding Michael. He will be charged with child abuse and she can't stop that. If she refuses to testify, the prosecutor will subpoena her. If she ignores the subpoena and refuses to show up in court, she can be arrested for disobeying the subpoena.
"True, but it will help with the divorce. You are applying for a divorce, aren't you?" --- Al lawyer would say "filing," not "applying."
$42,000 is eough for any woman to raise a child. Many, many women do it on $12,000.
One other thing a lawyer needs to tell her is this. He has routinely beaten her and now broken her bones and bruised Michael. The violence is onloy going to escalate to the point where he's beating Michael, even to the point of breaking his bones. If she takes Bobby back and something like that happens, she would be guilty of child neglect because she has a duty to protect her son. She could even be charged with criminal neglect and might spend time in jail..
Roberta
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2011
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." She accepted the ice cream but then struggled to remove the lid[ with only one hand].
all in his hand[--]baseball, football, or basketball. --- Semicolons are used when what follows it is a complete sentence.
"From then on he felt he owned me and it was too late [to] do anything. I was pregnant."
He said[,] since we were going to be married and I was carrying his child[,] I needed to start acting like a wife.
They believed[,] since I was with child, in the eyes of God I was married and needed to make the best of it."
"We can't count on your parents for help[ then].
Legal: Since the police were called and they saw her condition and the baby's bruises, she no longer has the choice whether or not to press charges--the prosecutor will. they are adamant about prosecuting men who beat up their wives, especially when broken bones occur. She also has no choice regarding Michael. He will be charged with child abuse and she can't stop that. If she refuses to testify, the prosecutor will subpoena her. If she ignores the subpoena and refuses to show up in court, she can be arrested for disobeying the subpoena.
"True, but it will help with the divorce. You are applying for a divorce, aren't you?" --- Al lawyer would say "filing," not "applying."
$42,000 is eough for any woman to raise a child. Many, many women do it on $12,000.
One other thing a lawyer needs to tell her is this. He has routinely beaten her and now broken her bones and bruised Michael. The violence is onloy going to escalate to the point where he's beating Michael, even to the point of breaking his bones. If she takes Bobby back and something like that happens, she would be guilty of child neglect because she has a duty to protect her son. She could even be charged with criminal neglect and might spend time in jail..
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2011
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Made the corrections, thank you.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Barbra,
I read through this chapter, The scene read through clearly, you moved the plot along and exchanged information through dialog, nicely.
(I thought the Ice Cream was a nice Ice breaker)
a few suggestions to consider:
"My wife and I both did." He(Paul) watched Anna ... sundae. Paul(He?) chuckled and shook
him. He became angry(,) saying since we were engaged and
didn't try to stop him. (But?) I wasn't a willing
a small note pad(notepad) from his pocket and jotted some
(notepad is one word)
I notice this has a more omniscient pov, (that isn't my favorite pov, but it is consistent and not confusing.)
A good chapter to read.
Turtle.
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Hi Barbra,
I read through this chapter, The scene read through clearly, you moved the plot along and exchanged information through dialog, nicely.
(I thought the Ice Cream was a nice Ice breaker)
a few suggestions to consider:
"My wife and I both did." He(Paul) watched Anna ... sundae. Paul(He?) chuckled and shook
him. He became angry(,) saying since we were engaged and
didn't try to stop him. (But?) I wasn't a willing
a small note pad(notepad) from his pocket and jotted some
(notepad is one word)
I notice this has a more omniscient pov, (that isn't my favorite pov, but it is consistent and not confusing.)
A good chapter to read.
Turtle.
Comment Written 12-May-2011
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Thank you for the kind reveiew. I will check those areas.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
chapter nine and ten both are very well written. In chapter ten Anna meets Paul. Your dialogue is great. Your descriptive scheme is excellent. I'm so behind. I hope your feeling well. I pray for you, my friend. Keep on writing.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Barbara,
chapter nine and ten both are very well written. In chapter ten Anna meets Paul. Your dialogue is great. Your descriptive scheme is excellent. I'm so behind. I hope your feeling well. I pray for you, my friend. Keep on writing.
Melissa.
Comment Written 12-May-2011
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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You a really are behind. I hope you are feeling all right.
Comment from BraceyinGallation
Amazing read. Your work is a marvel. Well written and so realistic. The characters are interesting and make you want to know more about their past. My own regret is that I didn't start with Chapter 1 but that will be fixed soon. Thanks for adding this to the commmunity.-bracey
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Amazing read. Your work is a marvel. Well written and so realistic. The characters are interesting and make you want to know more about their past. My own regret is that I didn't start with Chapter 1 but that will be fixed soon. Thanks for adding this to the commmunity.-bracey
Comment Written 12-May-2011
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from MaryMeadid
Oh goodness, tell me that Anna is going to be free of Bobby- finally! You did a good job of offering your reader more background info on Troy in this chapter. Well done.
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Oh goodness, tell me that Anna is going to be free of Bobby- finally! You did a good job of offering your reader more background info on Troy in this chapter. Well done.
Comment Written 12-May-2011
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Carolyn 12
Thank you for your storyline. I hope it helps someone living under these same or similar conditions. Thank you for sharing and putting the information out here.
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Thank you for your storyline. I hope it helps someone living under these same or similar conditions. Thank you for sharing and putting the information out here.
Comment Written 12-May-2011
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from shy1250
Excellent, again. I missed a chapter mired in my own problems but I assume hubby got violent which landed her in the hospital. I would like to ask a personal favor (not for me, but for your readers). Could you include in a prologue or postscript something about verbal/mental/emotional abuse? I've been out 15 years, and yet everytime I"m out somewhere and hear 'you f'ing b', I turn and start shaking. Don't know if Ill ever fully repair the damage that was done. I just think it might help others to know that it doesn't always start with hitting, it can be name-calling or even constant nit-picking leading to th e walking on eggs syndrome. Wonderful job, no need for errors or suggestions. later and God bless, shy
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Excellent, again. I missed a chapter mired in my own problems but I assume hubby got violent which landed her in the hospital. I would like to ask a personal favor (not for me, but for your readers). Could you include in a prologue or postscript something about verbal/mental/emotional abuse? I've been out 15 years, and yet everytime I"m out somewhere and hear 'you f'ing b', I turn and start shaking. Don't know if Ill ever fully repair the damage that was done. I just think it might help others to know that it doesn't always start with hitting, it can be name-calling or even constant nit-picking leading to th e walking on eggs syndrome. Wonderful job, no need for errors or suggestions. later and God bless, shy
Comment Written 12-May-2011
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. You are right and I will see what I can do about the prologue or postscript. I don't normally write them.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
I wrote a review, hit the wrong key and lost it...I'm on my sister in law's puter and making a lot of mistakes. I am so glad Paul intends to help Anna as she needs all he can give her. I do fear that Bobby will be enraged when he finds out she intends to divorce him. Sorry for the short review but please know this is a fine chapter....well done..blessings, chey
reply by the author on 11-May-2011
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Hi Barbara,
I wrote a review, hit the wrong key and lost it...I'm on my sister in law's puter and making a lot of mistakes. I am so glad Paul intends to help Anna as she needs all he can give her. I do fear that Bobby will be enraged when he finds out she intends to divorce him. Sorry for the short review but please know this is a fine chapter....well done..blessings, chey
Comment Written 11-May-2011
reply by the author on 11-May-2011
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I understand different computers. Thank you for the kind review.
