Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Puppet Master"Case Studies of Hauntings
74 total reviews
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
Another gripping chapter Bev, following hard on the heels of the last. I was happy to read while the story was still fresh in my mind. This is all so believable and well-written. Very convincing. Your description of Porter is vivid.
Just a couple of things I noticed:
'He closed in on where Jenkins Porter(s)...' Jenkins Porter.
' "I'm also thinking we haven't even gotten into the estate yet...' It's probably a personal thing, but I always think 'got' or 'gotten' very awkward words and try to avoid them. I think it was a 3rd grade teacher that drummed tat one into me. :) Is there another way of expressing the thought?
Great read, Bev.
Anthony
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Another gripping chapter Bev, following hard on the heels of the last. I was happy to read while the story was still fresh in my mind. This is all so believable and well-written. Very convincing. Your description of Porter is vivid.
Just a couple of things I noticed:
'He closed in on where Jenkins Porter(s)...' Jenkins Porter.
' "I'm also thinking we haven't even gotten into the estate yet...' It's probably a personal thing, but I always think 'got' or 'gotten' very awkward words and try to avoid them. I think it was a 3rd grade teacher that drummed tat one into me. :) Is there another way of expressing the thought?
Great read, Bev.
Anthony
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Hi, Antoine. I really appreciate these great suggestions. I can definitely make the suggested changes as I think you make good. points. Thanks for being specific - that's so helpful. :) Bev
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No worries, Bev.
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Thanks again, Antoine.
Comment from Fridayauthor
Luke leaped from the van I couldn't see any reason to "Leap"
Luke alighted from the van...
Why would a caretaker be responsible for whose portrait was hanging over the fireplace? Why would they ask him?
Maybe speculate..."Why would anyone want a ....
It's unclear when the caretaker passes out. He yells. Then they want to put him to bed. Then he passes out. Where? In bed?
All he does is pass out. Then we are told about other stuff happening, I guess. I'd like it to happen, in our time. There are a lot of pure assumptions on why he passed out with out any real reason given to us.
It's a nice story with a fun setting but let it happen; don't just tell us!
Don't mind me; I'm picky about story line.
Thank you.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Luke leaped from the van I couldn't see any reason to "Leap"
Luke alighted from the van...
Why would a caretaker be responsible for whose portrait was hanging over the fireplace? Why would they ask him?
Maybe speculate..."Why would anyone want a ....
It's unclear when the caretaker passes out. He yells. Then they want to put him to bed. Then he passes out. Where? In bed?
All he does is pass out. Then we are told about other stuff happening, I guess. I'd like it to happen, in our time. There are a lot of pure assumptions on why he passed out with out any real reason given to us.
It's a nice story with a fun setting but let it happen; don't just tell us!
Don't mind me; I'm picky about story line.
Thank you.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Fridayauthor. I'll keep your advice in mind. At some point, I like to assume my readers are able to make some leaps in logic. :)
Comment from MM lives on :)
Hi Bev...I have to get in my reviews for the week and this was phenom. I will circle back and absorb it more but the haunted is something that always has intrigued me...been to Savannah and New Orleans and can feel the vibe through this piece.
BRAVO....7 STARS! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Christopher
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Hi Bev...I have to get in my reviews for the week and this was phenom. I will circle back and absorb it more but the haunted is something that always has intrigued me...been to Savannah and New Orleans and can feel the vibe through this piece.
BRAVO....7 STARS! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Christopher
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Hello, my friend. I, too, adore Savannah and New Orleans. I never did any paranormal investigating in either town. There's some seriously dark energy in New Orleans, and I'd want a big team to go along with me LoL. I'm so glad you liked this chapter, Christopher. That's means a lot to me, and I am grateful for your generosity
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is another excellent addition to the story. You are consistently technically sound throughout. You carry the story line forward nicely and very naturally as if the reader is participating in the moment. Love getting EVPs although I have never had to provoke to get one - can't wait to see what they collect. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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This is another excellent addition to the story. You are consistently technically sound throughout. You carry the story line forward nicely and very naturally as if the reader is participating in the moment. Love getting EVPs although I have never had to provoke to get one - can't wait to see what they collect. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Hi, Mystic Angel. I am so excited that you have a personal insight into what it's like to get those voices by EVP. I've never had to provoke either and have gotten some good evidence even during the day. Luke is my version of that breed of ghosthunters out there that thinks macho is the way to go. I won't hurt him too bad LoL. :) Bev
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Well, if you provoke anger you will certainly get it back in return .... poor Luke LOL.
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Yes, that's the expected outcome. Ghosts are often much like they were alive. :)
Comment from onebrit
Well this is getting exciting. I didn't see this coming at all. This dialogue is wonderful, so real. I can see the great word pictures you paint using really good descriptions......so enjoying this, more please.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Well this is getting exciting. I didn't see this coming at all. This dialogue is wonderful, so real. I can see the great word pictures you paint using really good descriptions......so enjoying this, more please.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Hi, onebrit. I thank you for this really wonderful review. So glad you liked the chapter! I'm planning on continuing to re-edit chapters and put one out a week. :) Bev
Comment from c_lucas
A poltergeist is not dangerous as a general rule It has been my experience they like to scare people. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Good job.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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A poltergeist is not dangerous as a general rule It has been my experience they like to scare people. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Charlie. I appreciate your support! :) Bev
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My privilege, Bev.
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:)
Comment from Jackreese
I found this to be engaging, spooky it had me hooked from start to finish. The characters seemed real and the dialogue was believable. I'll be reading more.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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I found this to be engaging, spooky it had me hooked from start to finish. The characters seemed real and the dialogue was believable. I'll be reading more.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much, Jackreese. I'm editing the original novel, so if you read ahead it might be confusing. Having said that, I'm very glad you took time to read this chapter! :) Bev
Comment from Teri7
This is truly a six star chapter you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. great job. hugs, teri
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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This is truly a six star chapter you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. great job. hugs, teri
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Hi, Teri. Thank you so much for this awesome review! I really appreciate the encouragement and support. :) Bev
Comment from Muffins
The pace roars here. The plot is unrelentingly successful choreograph. I sense the oncoming of complex, gripping and maybe deadly encounters with some mean restless spirit's.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
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The pace roars here. The plot is unrelentingly successful choreograph. I sense the oncoming of complex, gripping and maybe deadly encounters with some mean restless spirit's.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
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Hi, Muffins. I thank you for reading this chapter and offering your great insights. I've not yet edited this chapter or any past two, so I just want to let you know that things might change in the story as I tighten and trim for better reading. Much appreciated! Bev
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That's fine with me. I won't stop reading until I come to the end.
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Aw, thanks so much! :) Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
Very good reading, Bev. I am sticking with this story. You got me wondering what will happen next :) I didn't spot any spags this time. Onto the next chapter !!!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2012
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Very good reading, Bev. I am sticking with this story. You got me wondering what will happen next :) I didn't spot any spags this time. Onto the next chapter !!!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Joy. I liked this chapter, so I'm glad it got off SPAG-free, hehehe. Hugs, Bev
