Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Brief History of the Old Testament"A collection of my poems
90 total reviews
Comment from chita
You have a good flow with your poem-you are descriptive and write with emotion about the Bible--you do a great job writing about how Noah built his ark-Joseph was surround by jealousy from his brothers-and Moses led the Jewish people into the promise land-- well done.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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You have a good flow with your poem-you are descriptive and write with emotion about the Bible--you do a great job writing about how Noah built his ark-Joseph was surround by jealousy from his brothers-and Moses led the Jewish people into the promise land-- well done.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - it was a challenge compressing it all into the available space...
Comment from c_lucas
Although you had a couple of problems with rhyming, your work deserves a sixer. It is very well written.
Rhyming???
But Lot escaped, he did a bolt,
His wife looked back, turned into salt. bolt/jolt or halt/salt
Though he was tested more and more,
He still stayed faithful to God's law (???/???)
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Although you had a couple of problems with rhyming, your work deserves a sixer. It is very well written.
Rhyming???
But Lot escaped, he did a bolt,
His wife looked back, turned into salt. bolt/jolt or halt/salt
Though he was tested more and more,
He still stayed faithful to God's law (???/???)
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thanks for your review and the six stars.
I can always blame my kiwi accent for mis-rhymes
bolt/salt - I've had trouble with this before (fault/bolt) - to my ears they're pretty well identical.
more/law - probably just laziness pronouncing the 'r'
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You're welocme, Kiwi, You might want to check this out:
http://www.rhymezone.com/
Comment from el twelve
well, well, that was extremely enjoyable, at least for me, kiwigal told me to read and i'm glad she did. you are quite the humorous. if it offended anybody that is there issue, i hope you write more.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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well, well, that was extremely enjoyable, at least for me, kiwigal told me to read and i'm glad she did. you are quite the humorous. if it offended anybody that is there issue, i hope you write more.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you - nobody offended yet, or if they are they're not reviewing!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is great, i loved reading this, it is such a lyrical romp through the bible and i can't wait for you to do the new testament, i hope a lot of people read this one and get the message
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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this is great, i loved reading this, it is such a lyrical romp through the bible and i can't wait for you to do the new testament, i hope a lot of people read this one and get the message
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you! May not be the best timing for a 'light' look at the the NT, but I will get to it...
Comment from taravan
Very nicely done. You kept to the rhyming very well and I only noticed a few spots where the rhythm was a bit tricky. My favorite thing about this entire poem was the fact that you made the bible fun! Great job.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Very nicely done. You kept to the rhyming very well and I only noticed a few spots where the rhythm was a bit tricky. My favorite thing about this entire poem was the fact that you made the bible fun! Great job.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you - I had fun writing it, too.
Comment from PoesyPoet
I appreciated the "remake" of this age old tale, but can't say it was any different from all other biblical poems I've read. Still, I thought it was good work and the rhymes exceptional. PP
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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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I appreciated the "remake" of this age old tale, but can't say it was any different from all other biblical poems I've read. Still, I thought it was good work and the rhymes exceptional. PP
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thanks for the review.
Comment from KiwiGal
What a mind! What a sense of humour! I'm SO glad you're not an Aussie - it just makes my delight that much more genuine! I've learnt so much about the Bible - a book I'm very unfamiliar with, except the passages that Believers, eager to show me the error of my ways, bleat at me.
And it was so clear - even in verse! God's People sure were a cruel, bloodthirsty, vengeful lot themselves, eh!
Oh - right - that's because He(!) was interpreted by men.. I'm sure that if women had been given a go, they would have put an entirely different slant on it.
"The man who raises his hand to a woman shall immediately be turned to stone"; "A man who uses children for his own perversions shall have his willy shrivel and drop off"; "Women shall choose the man they deem worthy of fathering their children, as is done in the realm of (other) animals to ensure a higher quality of descendants"... I could go on.
The only little niggle I have is with the word 'Till'. Since that is an abbreviation of 'Until', I always write it 'til (or 'Til), although I notice that even the dictionary has given up the fight and put Till in as common usage.
I won't: till has other 'real' meanings and so I'm stickin' wiv my way.
When are you going to do one about the Aussies stealing everything of ours that isn't nailed down? Starting with Phar Lap, pavlova (yep, it's been proven - a recipe book pre-dating Aussie ones was dug up), comedians, actors, directors, doctors, TV hosts, harness racing champions (like Phar Lap, bred in NZ but owned and raced over there), Olympic champions, young sailors (Jessica Watson's parents are Kiwis), Australian Idols, musicians (Crowded House), cricket wins (1981 Underarm Incident).. pant-pant-pant...
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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What a mind! What a sense of humour! I'm SO glad you're not an Aussie - it just makes my delight that much more genuine! I've learnt so much about the Bible - a book I'm very unfamiliar with, except the passages that Believers, eager to show me the error of my ways, bleat at me.
And it was so clear - even in verse! God's People sure were a cruel, bloodthirsty, vengeful lot themselves, eh!
Oh - right - that's because He(!) was interpreted by men.. I'm sure that if women had been given a go, they would have put an entirely different slant on it.
"The man who raises his hand to a woman shall immediately be turned to stone"; "A man who uses children for his own perversions shall have his willy shrivel and drop off"; "Women shall choose the man they deem worthy of fathering their children, as is done in the realm of (other) animals to ensure a higher quality of descendants"... I could go on.
The only little niggle I have is with the word 'Till'. Since that is an abbreviation of 'Until', I always write it 'til (or 'Til), although I notice that even the dictionary has given up the fight and put Till in as common usage.
I won't: till has other 'real' meanings and so I'm stickin' wiv my way.
When are you going to do one about the Aussies stealing everything of ours that isn't nailed down? Starting with Phar Lap, pavlova (yep, it's been proven - a recipe book pre-dating Aussie ones was dug up), comedians, actors, directors, doctors, TV hosts, harness racing champions (like Phar Lap, bred in NZ but owned and raced over there), Olympic champions, young sailors (Jessica Watson's parents are Kiwis), Australian Idols, musicians (Crowded House), cricket wins (1981 Underarm Incident).. pant-pant-pant...
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Encore une fois, merci...
Comment from LadyCosgrove
Absolutely Brilliant! What a fantastic way to read the bible - and children especially would find this a much easier way to learn of its contents.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Absolutely Brilliant! What a fantastic way to read the bible - and children especially would find this a much easier way to learn of its contents.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you for all the stars - you are the second one to suggest it might be good for children - I'll have to give it some thought.
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Well deserved
Comment from Cletus Hardiman
Well.... I have never thought of putting it this way....good going! LOL Thank you for writing something different! Cletus Hardiman Clete
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Well.... I have never thought of putting it this way....good going! LOL Thank you for writing something different! Cletus Hardiman Clete
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thanks, Clete
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You are welcome....clete
Comment from ameen786
How long did it take you to compose this magnificent piece of biblical history, my goodness--what a wonderful job, rhyming and amusement, its all there. Great poetry.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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How long did it take you to compose this magnificent piece of biblical history, my goodness--what a wonderful job, rhyming and amusement, its all there. Great poetry.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - when the spirit moves me, the rhymes just pour out. I had to do a little revision though, so I didn't make any embarrassing errors.
