Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Brief History of the Old Testament"A collection of my poems
90 total reviews
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Steve,
Awesome writing. I reckon you could have done a much better job than the old monks in translating the Good Book. The first verse is really a corker.
As ever the cadence and rhyme are great except for one line:
One in my image to cap it all;
Could you consider:
One in my image cap's it all;
or
One with my looks to cap it all.
Keep on writing. I look forward to the sequel and, maybe you could work on a "prequel" . Who kicked off the Big Bang?
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Dear Steve,
Awesome writing. I reckon you could have done a much better job than the old monks in translating the Good Book. The first verse is really a corker.
As ever the cadence and rhyme are great except for one line:
One in my image to cap it all;
Could you consider:
One in my image cap's it all;
or
One with my looks to cap it all.
Keep on writing. I look forward to the sequel and, maybe you could work on a "prequel" . Who kicked off the Big Bang?
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thanks, Reg
you know I just leave in one or two dodgy lines to give you something to do - wouldn't want you to think I was perfect now!! And actually I'm much more of a Big Bang Believer than a Big Book Believer!
Thanks for the comments - i'm trying to write something to match up to the skill and wit of your Engineer's poem
Steve
Comment from Espresso momma
Nice! Nice! Nice! Did I say this was great? I love this. I want to print it if you will allow me. I teach Sunday School and think they all would love it in Church. This was so fun to read. Great job!
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Nice! Nice! Nice! Did I say this was great? I love this. I want to print it if you will allow me. I teach Sunday School and think they all would love it in Church. This was so fun to read. Great job!
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you. Yes of course you can print it and use it - I would be honoured - actually several people have suggested it would be a good intro to the Bible for kids
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Thank you so much..
Comment from Frankeddy
Boy oh boy! You did a great job of putting the whole story into a beautiful
rhyming verse. You got a nice touch of humor in also.
Very appropriate picture. Written in a well Quatrain style.
Well done. Frankeddy
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Boy oh boy! You did a great job of putting the whole story into a beautiful
rhyming verse. You got a nice touch of humor in also.
Very appropriate picture. Written in a well Quatrain style.
Well done. Frankeddy
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thanks - I would have liked to include more, but didn't want to scare people off with length.
Comment from pickthorn
A great history lesson of the old Testament told in rhyming poetry. I enjoyed reading this piece, you pretty well covered the high points brought out in the Old Testament. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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A great history lesson of the old Testament told in rhyming poetry. I enjoyed reading this piece, you pretty well covered the high points brought out in the Old Testament. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from mermaids
I enjoyed reading this poem and am amazed here at your skill of capturing most of the Olt Testament. All I can say is great work and well done. No revisions needed here.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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I enjoyed reading this poem and am amazed here at your skill of capturing most of the Olt Testament. All I can say is great work and well done. No revisions needed here.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words and the Six!
Comment from cjsthoughts
Like it alot...
Then God sent fire and brimstone rains
To scorch the cities of the plains,
But Lot escaped, he did a bolt,
His wife looked back, turned into salt.
Your very talented and gifted!
Keep it up!
Thanks your Friend
Cheryl
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Like it alot...
Then God sent fire and brimstone rains
To scorch the cities of the plains,
But Lot escaped, he did a bolt,
His wife looked back, turned into salt.
Your very talented and gifted!
Keep it up!
Thanks your Friend
Cheryl
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Ha! You chose the ons stanza that some people have criticised because of the boilt/salt rhyme. Thank you.
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Thank you!
Love it!
Comment from janbar
You did a lovely job with great humor. I almost didn't read it for fear of a "preachy" but I'm so glad I did. Your meter and rhyme flowed well and made this a very easy read. Your last stanza was clearly heartfelt and very uplifting. This would make a good lesson plan for a Sunday school and a memorable way to teach the basics (for those who are into that sort of thing). Thank you for sharing. I am really glad I read it. janbar
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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You did a lovely job with great humor. I almost didn't read it for fear of a "preachy" but I'm so glad I did. Your meter and rhyme flowed well and made this a very easy read. Your last stanza was clearly heartfelt and very uplifting. This would make a good lesson plan for a Sunday school and a memorable way to teach the basics (for those who are into that sort of thing). Thank you for sharing. I am really glad I read it. janbar
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Preachy I ain't!
Thanks for taking the time.
Comment from JW
Your poem is well written. It does a great job of summarizing the Old Testament in just a few words and lines.
However, I would have been tempted to add Adam's response when he saw Eve for the first time, "Woe Man."
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Your poem is well written. It does a great job of summarizing the Old Testament in just a few words and lines.
However, I would have been tempted to add Adam's response when he saw Eve for the first time, "Woe Man."
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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I would never be so mysoginistic - even if my previous hysterical historical blamed women for everything - Cherchez la Femme
Comment from Scarlettdreams
Wow. You recount the famous stories with great humor and fun. A new take on things so to speak. I love humor in poetry. You rhyme and meter give this a smooth delivery. Bravo
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Wow. You recount the famous stories with great humor and fun. A new take on things so to speak. I love humor in poetry. You rhyme and meter give this a smooth delivery. Bravo
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you - it seems the humour follows me - I tried to write a tragic tale (Poetry in the Blood) and even that turned out with a chuckle in the final stanza...
Comment from GentleWind
This poem is awesome! Keep on preaching! I so enjoyed the humor. Great imagery that flows with bold colors of truth. My favorite lines were...all of them! Keep on speaking the truth to all who need to hear. May God Bless you. Great job
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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This poem is awesome! Keep on preaching! I so enjoyed the humor. Great imagery that flows with bold colors of truth. My favorite lines were...all of them! Keep on speaking the truth to all who need to hear. May God Bless you. Great job
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your review and generous words...
