Conversation
Passing the buck16 total reviews
Comment from Cairn Destop
Now that was comical. I liked how the problem is addressed from the other side. Instead of the divine good getting all the credit, we learn everything has been under the management of the other side. Quite a few lines had me chuckling.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Now that was comical. I liked how the problem is addressed from the other side. Instead of the divine good getting all the credit, we learn everything has been under the management of the other side. Quite a few lines had me chuckling.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Thanks...John
Comment from Paula Andrea Pyle
"They don't seem to want to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions. They're always trying to pass the buck to me or you. I try to satisfy their thoughts just like you do, but they don't seek to understand us. They are so self involved with physical and material things that they skip the importance of being alive."
Indeed, the judge has settled the score.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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"They don't seem to want to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions. They're always trying to pass the buck to me or you. I try to satisfy their thoughts just like you do, but they don't seek to understand us. They are so self involved with physical and material things that they skip the importance of being alive."
Indeed, the judge has settled the score.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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I was thinking about changing this to include Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha and Moses as a group meeting. We'll see. Thanks...John
Comment from nancyjam
I enjoyed this imaginative piece
with its clever dialogue.
You manage to get in quite a few
points about man's errors in a humorous way.
In a few places it was difficult to determine who
the speaker was but I think it was a matter of "quotes" missing.
Otherwise - quite entertaining.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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I enjoyed this imaginative piece
with its clever dialogue.
You manage to get in quite a few
points about man's errors in a humorous way.
In a few places it was difficult to determine who
the speaker was but I think it was a matter of "quotes" missing.
Otherwise - quite entertaining.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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All my essays are presented to generate feedback of what I lack in communicating. After nearly thirty years of research and dozens of books and websites of information, it is not easy for me to determine the right flow, right sequence and most effective words to convey my message. "From Now On" intends to unify thought towards the same goal for the reader. I will expand on this in the book's introduction in the near future. Thanks...John
Comment from rama devi
What fun--This is clever, witty and contains many little messages for mankind. I enjoyed this in spite of the one thing I need to say by way of critique--though this voices important issues, it seems just a bit too preachy and forced for a fictional work. It communicates its many messages clearly. I'm not sure how to put my finger on how you might revise it except to perhaps work on the dialog voicing sounding more conversational in some spots where it sounds like an essay.
In some places, it is done very well and sounds authentic.
I'll come back to this with fresh eyes tomorrow. Maybe I'll think of seomthing.
That aside, I see only one formatting nit-
"Additionally, ....There's seems to be no end to their ignorance." LINE BREAK HERE God interjects: "OK, OK, take it easy. They're still learning."
Otherwise, i think this is spag free.
I found this entertaining, especially the closing about bringing the Messiah through cyber space. Good satirical content and strong messages, but I do not think this would be a marketable genre as it does not have all the normal elements of a story.
The conversation is interesting, though!
:-)
Warmly, rd
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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What fun--This is clever, witty and contains many little messages for mankind. I enjoyed this in spite of the one thing I need to say by way of critique--though this voices important issues, it seems just a bit too preachy and forced for a fictional work. It communicates its many messages clearly. I'm not sure how to put my finger on how you might revise it except to perhaps work on the dialog voicing sounding more conversational in some spots where it sounds like an essay.
In some places, it is done very well and sounds authentic.
I'll come back to this with fresh eyes tomorrow. Maybe I'll think of seomthing.
That aside, I see only one formatting nit-
"Additionally, ....There's seems to be no end to their ignorance." LINE BREAK HERE God interjects: "OK, OK, take it easy. They're still learning."
Otherwise, i think this is spag free.
I found this entertaining, especially the closing about bringing the Messiah through cyber space. Good satirical content and strong messages, but I do not think this would be a marketable genre as it does not have all the normal elements of a story.
The conversation is interesting, though!
:-)
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thanks...John
Comment from IndianaIrish
John, this is a great chapter and a great way to get your points across. I enjoyed the conversation between God and Bee. I did find some places that were confusing as to who the speaker was and I think it's because you gave the speaker two quoted sentences and that threw off the understanding who was the speaker.
"You also gave them the need to breed. They are way too involved with that process without considering the potential result. The population has doubled in the last sixty years and they don't seem to care. They're more concerned about the real estate bubble bursting than the population bubble bursting.(delete quote mark here because you continue with Beelzebub speech in the next paragraph. Delete all the quote marks at the start and ending of the paragraphs as long as the speech is from the same person and save the quotation punctuation for the end. make sense?")
(delete punc)"Giving them the power to choose is probably the biggest problem. Right now, Muslims and Christians are at each others' throats touting that their god is better than the other's. They don't even realize, it's the same YOU. They use their power of choice primarily for vanity and oneupmanship. They have limited physical senses on which they place tremendous importance and most are either unwilling or unable to know themselves.(delete)"
(delete)"Additionally, they are destroying your beautiful earth. They cut down the rain forest for monetary greed, destroy the environment to get fuel for their endless energy needs. Cities are like skin cancer. Mother Earth is sending some strong messages lately, but I doubt many will do anything except blame it on me or knock on your door. There's seems to be no end to their ignorance." (new paragraph for new speaker)God interjects(, semi is not used with a speech tag): "OK, OK, take it easy. They're still learning."
Beelzebub: (Again, a colon isn't the right punctuation here. Either Beelzebub says, or you can use something like, Beelzebub shakes his head. You can also avoid speech tags completely when there are just two people talking, but you may have to occasionally insert a name in the conversations so the speaker will follow who is talking. Like in this one you can say ..."No, they're not(,God.) Most of them are brain dead.
(Are both of these quotes from God? It gets kinda messed up here. If they are both from him, then delete quotes and put the two sentences together.)"That would take too long. Mother Earth would be fried before they figured out how to solve the problems they created."
"How about another Messiah? A lot of them are sending requests for a Messiah these days. Do you think it may be time?"
(")The Messiah is supposed to embody truth
Indy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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John, this is a great chapter and a great way to get your points across. I enjoyed the conversation between God and Bee. I did find some places that were confusing as to who the speaker was and I think it's because you gave the speaker two quoted sentences and that threw off the understanding who was the speaker.
"You also gave them the need to breed. They are way too involved with that process without considering the potential result. The population has doubled in the last sixty years and they don't seem to care. They're more concerned about the real estate bubble bursting than the population bubble bursting.(delete quote mark here because you continue with Beelzebub speech in the next paragraph. Delete all the quote marks at the start and ending of the paragraphs as long as the speech is from the same person and save the quotation punctuation for the end. make sense?")
(delete punc)"Giving them the power to choose is probably the biggest problem. Right now, Muslims and Christians are at each others' throats touting that their god is better than the other's. They don't even realize, it's the same YOU. They use their power of choice primarily for vanity and oneupmanship. They have limited physical senses on which they place tremendous importance and most are either unwilling or unable to know themselves.(delete)"
(delete)"Additionally, they are destroying your beautiful earth. They cut down the rain forest for monetary greed, destroy the environment to get fuel for their endless energy needs. Cities are like skin cancer. Mother Earth is sending some strong messages lately, but I doubt many will do anything except blame it on me or knock on your door. There's seems to be no end to their ignorance." (new paragraph for new speaker)God interjects(, semi is not used with a speech tag): "OK, OK, take it easy. They're still learning."
Beelzebub: (Again, a colon isn't the right punctuation here. Either Beelzebub says, or you can use something like, Beelzebub shakes his head. You can also avoid speech tags completely when there are just two people talking, but you may have to occasionally insert a name in the conversations so the speaker will follow who is talking. Like in this one you can say ..."No, they're not(,God.) Most of them are brain dead.
(Are both of these quotes from God? It gets kinda messed up here. If they are both from him, then delete quotes and put the two sentences together.)"That would take too long. Mother Earth would be fried before they figured out how to solve the problems they created."
"How about another Messiah? A lot of them are sending requests for a Messiah these days. Do you think it may be time?"
(")The Messiah is supposed to embody truth
Indy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Wonderful help!... Will work on all these suggestions post haste...John
Comment from kiwisteveh
This was fun and a pretty good jab at some sacred cows as well. As you conjecture here, it would be very interesting to see what would happen if a new Messiah did arrive...
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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This was fun and a pretty good jab at some sacred cows as well. As you conjecture here, it would be very interesting to see what would happen if a new Messiah did arrive...
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thanks. Sacred cows make great hamburgers....John
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent use of dialogue in this cleverly told story, John.
You make your points in a compelling and thought-provoking way through this satiric conversation between God and Beelzebub. Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Excellent use of dialogue in this cleverly told story, John.
You make your points in a compelling and thought-provoking way through this satiric conversation between God and Beelzebub. Brooke
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thanks...John
Comment from barkingdog
This is a very good piece to use for a group discussion.It would give the group a singular point of reference. The ideas are controversial but that makes a great program. With a leader knowing what points he wants to cover as touched here i.e. habits, propaganda, doctrines and false beliefs. One habit would be taking responsibility. Others look like some of the Seven Deadlies i.e. greed, vanity, lust You might want to include them all (Seven Deadly Sins Pride, covetousness, envy, gluttony, anger, accidie (sloth), and lust This list is from answers.com)
Broaching these subjects is difficult. Here you let God and Mr.. B do it for you. Excellent! The conversation moves smoothly. It is easy to read and not teachy or preachy.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2011
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This is a very good piece to use for a group discussion.It would give the group a singular point of reference. The ideas are controversial but that makes a great program. With a leader knowing what points he wants to cover as touched here i.e. habits, propaganda, doctrines and false beliefs. One habit would be taking responsibility. Others look like some of the Seven Deadlies i.e. greed, vanity, lust You might want to include them all (Seven Deadly Sins Pride, covetousness, envy, gluttony, anger, accidie (sloth), and lust This list is from answers.com)
Broaching these subjects is difficult. Here you let God and Mr.. B do it for you. Excellent! The conversation moves smoothly. It is easy to read and not teachy or preachy.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2011
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I responded to one reviewer that the internet is the closest thing to mental telepathy we have. Over three billion people have access. We all can feel the truth. We just don't know how we can activate it for the benefit of all, just yet. My book is intended to open avenues of thought we can agree on for the purpose of being what we are truly supposed to be. Not warmongers, not greedy politicians, not vainglorious pompadours, but rather, compassionate, kind and caring stewards of what we behold and love...John
Comment from Deejharrington
If there was ever a need for a six, this is one. And dang,if I'm all out. This was absolutely brilliant! It was a clever and unique way of highlighting what is wrong and right in our world. The idea of Satan and God having a conversation was an excellent vehicle for your message.
dj
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2011
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If there was ever a need for a six, this is one. And dang,if I'm all out. This was absolutely brilliant! It was a clever and unique way of highlighting what is wrong and right in our world. The idea of Satan and God having a conversation was an excellent vehicle for your message.
dj
Comment Written 16-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2011
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I responded to one reviewer that the internet is the closest thing to mental telepathy we have. Over three billion people have access. We all can feel the truth. We just don't know how we can activate it for the benefit of all, just yet. My book is intended to open avenues of thought we can agree on for the purpose of being what we are truly supposed to be. Not warmongers, not greedy politicians, not vainglorious pompadours, but rather, compassionate, kind and caring stewards of what we behold and love...John
Comment from misscookie
Amen, amen
This is a wonderful and truthful write.
This is something people of all ages, race, color or creed should read. Maybe it will open their hearts, mind and eyes.
Thank you for sharing. This is a good write.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2011
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Amen, amen
This is a wonderful and truthful write.
This is something people of all ages, race, color or creed should read. Maybe it will open their hearts, mind and eyes.
Thank you for sharing. This is a good write.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2011
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I responded to one reviewer that the internet is the closest thing to mental telepathy we have. Over three billion people have access. We all can feel the truth. We just don't know how we can activate it for the benefit of all, just yet. My book is intended to open avenues of thought we can agree on for the purpose of being what we are truly supposed to be. Not warmongers, not greedy politicians, not vainglorious pompadours, but rather, compassionate, kind and caring stewards of what we behold and love...John
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Your so right, take care.
