Mike's Moments
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Multi-Colorful!"A series of op-eds or newspaper style columns.
8 total reviews
Comment from Betinka
Oh no, Mike2,though really good, I will read no more chapters. I left South Africa 4o years ago, and your chapter opens a Pandora's Box for me. Since you associate those new colored crayons with the color of people, we need an eye to eye discussion on this hairy topic. The whole world came down on SOUTH AFRICAN Apartheid, as if it wasn't a state of generally taken for granted conditioning, carried over from the GREEK -ROMAN- and so-called civilized European nations, long before white immigrants landed in the CAPE. Of course,the white immigrants took advantage of and exploited the easily available black labour.However, together with the help of that exploitation, they turned the 'DARK CONTINENT into a modern, orderly and flourishing, God-fearing country, to everybody's advantage: AND NEVER EVER- I must add, was there a 'burning of crosses, or a hasty lynching recorded in South AFRICA. SLAVE-TRADE was halted by Law, long before it was continued secretly, with teams of Arab Traders. There WAS Apartheid, and it WAS abominable,but amongst all the Afrikaans families I knew in my VILLAGE and on farms,there was kindness, plenty food, consideration, security and care, medical and otherwise,all of which accompanied the unfair long hours and low wages
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Oh no, Mike2,though really good, I will read no more chapters. I left South Africa 4o years ago, and your chapter opens a Pandora's Box for me. Since you associate those new colored crayons with the color of people, we need an eye to eye discussion on this hairy topic. The whole world came down on SOUTH AFRICAN Apartheid, as if it wasn't a state of generally taken for granted conditioning, carried over from the GREEK -ROMAN- and so-called civilized European nations, long before white immigrants landed in the CAPE. Of course,the white immigrants took advantage of and exploited the easily available black labour.However, together with the help of that exploitation, they turned the 'DARK CONTINENT into a modern, orderly and flourishing, God-fearing country, to everybody's advantage: AND NEVER EVER- I must add, was there a 'burning of crosses, or a hasty lynching recorded in South AFRICA. SLAVE-TRADE was halted by Law, long before it was continued secretly, with teams of Arab Traders. There WAS Apartheid, and it WAS abominable,but amongst all the Afrikaans families I knew in my VILLAGE and on farms,there was kindness, plenty food, consideration, security and care, medical and otherwise,all of which accompanied the unfair long hours and low wages
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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I do thank you for reviewing this work and letting me know about your experiences with apartheid, but it left me a bit befuddled for many reasons. First, this chapter wasn't up for review and I have another review for what I did post under this title.
My main objective of this piece was mocking a company who feel that children need help in choosing a person's color as they can figure out what skin tone to give a person and children most of all are accepting the most. This talks also about how important the individuals in a society are as all contribute to it.
This book is not a story or progression of any single topic, but my opinions of a large variety of topics and issues. Mike
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the veruy word 'color' did it! My apologies. Betinka
Comment from RavensWord
It took courage for you to approach such a volatile subject. Often misunderstood and always frowned upon. Kudos for that.
I have to admit though that I did however have a difficult time following who you were writing about. Your sentence structure is a little awkward and I had to go back and reread them to get a grasp on who you were referring to within the paragraphs.
There are also a couple of places in which you could omit some of the sentence as they are redundant in their meaning. For example in the opening sentence you could omit the words "to us" since it is clear that you are addressing all people.
Also the structure is a little awkward and could be rewritten in several ways, i.e.,Suicide, especially if we know the person, can cause highly charged emotions to arise including anger. (This way you have set-up the rest of the essay.)
There are also a few typos or spags as they are called here on FS I have selected them with [ ]:
1.[For the most part], I only considered it once...
For the most part of what? I suggest omitting these 4 words and rewriting the sentence.
2. He was always teased for effeminate qualities and felt that he couldn't please his family [of] compete with his brother.
3. His [Dad] was so happy [the] he picked up target shooting, but it seemed odd [for] me. (Check on the capitalizing of the word dad.)
4. This sentence doesn't make any sense as written: I got the honor of cleaning the gun assured the police cleaned it.
The way this sentence is written is sounds as if the person committing suicide is angry: While one might not understand, or be angry they committed suicide...
Perhaps changing the word "they" to "when someone takes their own life"
5. Something we can't fully comprehend [a person] is deciding to commit suicide, but very often we suspect someone is considering suicide.
This is incomplete as written and you have mixed tenses within it.
6. Mike Flanagan is a revered [Balitore] (sp) Oriole [play], not only while he was a player for the team, but long after.
The structure here again is very confusing. Perhaps rewriting it as: Mike Flanagan, who played for the Baltimore Orioles, was highly revered both on and off the field...
7. [While the person [committing] suicide made a heinous and ill justified decision, very often [peoples] angers or even fears, [then totally dismisses the person's life.]
The structure again. Also the word "justified" is not the right tense with the word "ill". If you were to use it, it would have to be with the word "ailing" since justified is the past tense of justify. You could however substitute "justified" with the word "chosen" for example.
All in all as I mentioned before you have approached a very volatile subject while incorporating personal experiences which should make for a very good read.RW
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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It took courage for you to approach such a volatile subject. Often misunderstood and always frowned upon. Kudos for that.
I have to admit though that I did however have a difficult time following who you were writing about. Your sentence structure is a little awkward and I had to go back and reread them to get a grasp on who you were referring to within the paragraphs.
There are also a couple of places in which you could omit some of the sentence as they are redundant in their meaning. For example in the opening sentence you could omit the words "to us" since it is clear that you are addressing all people.
Also the structure is a little awkward and could be rewritten in several ways, i.e.,Suicide, especially if we know the person, can cause highly charged emotions to arise including anger. (This way you have set-up the rest of the essay.)
There are also a few typos or spags as they are called here on FS I have selected them with [ ]:
1.[For the most part], I only considered it once...
For the most part of what? I suggest omitting these 4 words and rewriting the sentence.
2. He was always teased for effeminate qualities and felt that he couldn't please his family [of] compete with his brother.
3. His [Dad] was so happy [the] he picked up target shooting, but it seemed odd [for] me. (Check on the capitalizing of the word dad.)
4. This sentence doesn't make any sense as written: I got the honor of cleaning the gun assured the police cleaned it.
The way this sentence is written is sounds as if the person committing suicide is angry: While one might not understand, or be angry they committed suicide...
Perhaps changing the word "they" to "when someone takes their own life"
5. Something we can't fully comprehend [a person] is deciding to commit suicide, but very often we suspect someone is considering suicide.
This is incomplete as written and you have mixed tenses within it.
6. Mike Flanagan is a revered [Balitore] (sp) Oriole [play], not only while he was a player for the team, but long after.
The structure here again is very confusing. Perhaps rewriting it as: Mike Flanagan, who played for the Baltimore Orioles, was highly revered both on and off the field...
7. [While the person [committing] suicide made a heinous and ill justified decision, very often [peoples] angers or even fears, [then totally dismisses the person's life.]
The structure again. Also the word "justified" is not the right tense with the word "ill". If you were to use it, it would have to be with the word "ailing" since justified is the past tense of justify. You could however substitute "justified" with the word "chosen" for example.
All in all as I mentioned before you have approached a very volatile subject while incorporating personal experiences which should make for a very good read.RW
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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I really thank you for taking the time to point out needed corrections, the compliments and this review. I have either made them or restated parts to provide further clarity. Mike
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You are most welcome. RW
Comment from amaynard
I found your writing to be very true to today's (n' more like yesterday's) times. It had that feeling of "internal" separation, where people still didn't truly understand that we were all considered to be one.
reply by the author on 14-May-2011
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I found your writing to be very true to today's (n' more like yesterday's) times. It had that feeling of "internal" separation, where people still didn't truly understand that we were all considered to be one.
Comment Written 14-May-2011
reply by the author on 14-May-2011
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I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike
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No problem, Mike, just supporting a fellow writer.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Mike,
This is a great read and it made me smile. I never heard of the Multi Cultural crayon's but then I don't have any little children anymore. I agree...how can you color a person with one color when we are all so diverse? Your father's comment..is there a color called stupid people? made me laugh out loud. Another well written Mike's Moment from your talented pen....chey
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2011
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Hi Mike,
This is a great read and it made me smile. I never heard of the Multi Cultural crayon's but then I don't have any little children anymore. I agree...how can you color a person with one color when we are all so diverse? Your father's comment..is there a color called stupid people? made me laugh out loud. Another well written Mike's Moment from your talented pen....chey
Comment Written 14-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2011
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Much too flattering a compliment, so tomorrow I will install a seatbelt to my chair. My Dad and most men in my life as a child were like that, very blunt... I always enjoy using a bit of humor in a point such as this.
I added to my notes to explain that I believe culture is something to experience, not to define because in doing so, you included people that shouldn't be and leave other's out.
I was half-expecting to be labeled anti-Semetic myself and had my computer log ready with my research in trying to clarify a descrapancy about making Gefilte fish stuffed in the fishes skin. Nobody does it that way anymore. An interesting nit with cooking was with my grandparents I purchased both czech and German cookbooks, but didn't find the dishes that I liked. The ended up in the Jewish one, so in a sense they preserved what would be rejected as peasant food.
Thank you for the review and the compliments and it makes my day to know that I tickled you! Mike
Comment from mumsyone
I absolutely love this! You hit the nail on the head in so many cases. Kids have such great imaginations that they have no problem coming up with their own coloring schemes--until "wiser" adults draw their attention to the fact that they don't have the "perfect" color. Shame on Crayola for what they are doing to their long-time reputation and to our kids.
scores of kids that color is; (:)they not only
"I don't (know?)Mike, you have 96 colors to choose from;
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2011
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I absolutely love this! You hit the nail on the head in so many cases. Kids have such great imaginations that they have no problem coming up with their own coloring schemes--until "wiser" adults draw their attention to the fact that they don't have the "perfect" color. Shame on Crayola for what they are doing to their long-time reputation and to our kids.
scores of kids that color is; (:)they not only
"I don't (know?)Mike, you have 96 colors to choose from;
Comment Written 14-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2011
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Thank you for the corrections, compliments, and this review... And sharing with me your feelings too. Mike
Comment from psalmist
I'll have to admit, I was one of those who at first thought the idea of multi-skin tones was a good idea. After reading your very excellent essay, I have to agree with you. We can't define and describe people with 8 colors. We are a rainbow of shades and tones, no two being exactly alike. Thanks for making me stop and re-evaluate.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2011
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I'll have to admit, I was one of those who at first thought the idea of multi-skin tones was a good idea. After reading your very excellent essay, I have to agree with you. We can't define and describe people with 8 colors. We are a rainbow of shades and tones, no two being exactly alike. Thanks for making me stop and re-evaluate.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2011
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It's not the packaging that disturbed me, it was the thought of lesson suggestions and the feeling they are using this as a take to sell crayons. Tonight I described the column to a friend and he recently had to explain why cartoon characters looked different. The boy then started realizing his friends had similarities to those characters. It's all part of the learning thought process that occurs naturally, provided we make time to be with the kids. Thank you so very much for the compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from adewpearl
While I do like how they present their news and share many of their views; - change semicolon to a comma
go out and by a pack - buy
what about the inclusion of all the world's religions? - add question mark
While most would be preferred to be called black - most would prefer to be called
crayon line for politically correctness - political
as he believed had the same problem - WHO had?
You express your beliefs with conviction, Mike. Brooke
I just googled Crayola multicultural crayons and was able to find the colors in the very first site I clicked, an ad for the crayons - the colors are black, sepia, peach, apricot, white, tan, mahogany and burnt sienna.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2011
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While I do like how they present their news and share many of their views; - change semicolon to a comma
go out and by a pack - buy
what about the inclusion of all the world's religions? - add question mark
While most would be preferred to be called black - most would prefer to be called
crayon line for politically correctness - political
as he believed had the same problem - WHO had?
You express your beliefs with conviction, Mike. Brooke
I just googled Crayola multicultural crayons and was able to find the colors in the very first site I clicked, an ad for the crayons - the colors are black, sepia, peach, apricot, white, tan, mahogany and burnt sienna.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2011
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Thank you very much for your compliments and this review, also for the corrections too. Well you're better then me as I tried to no avail. It's all of the colors most children used before... That a parent may suggest to use. My only thought is no suggestions in parantheses? Why but them since they are in most sets to begin with.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story about the diversity of people and you can't just put a label or color on somebody....
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story about the diversity of people and you can't just put a label or color on somebody....
Comment Written 14-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2011
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I left out my notes that I supplied the editors. I mentioned that I believe that everyone is my equal until they prove otherwise; with otherwise being a moral or behavioral decision. I also stated my belief that cutlure is something to experience, not define. I thank you so much for your compliment and this review. It made my night! Mike
