In Country
A glimpse of the closing years in the Nam27 total reviews
Comment from Narvik
Relaxed, confident, and well-polished writing as usual, Bill. Thanks for including the glossary there. That was helpful, even though I was in the U.S. Army.
This line says a lot: "Sometimes, it looks to me like we backed the wrong side."
The American's (Did you mean to write this in the possessive? [twice]) (Also once in dialogue with "guy's")
Removing the last of threshold (wasn't sure if there was a word missing here)
I've always seen 'assholes' as one word.
Another winner, Bill. Keep 'em coming.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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Relaxed, confident, and well-polished writing as usual, Bill. Thanks for including the glossary there. That was helpful, even though I was in the U.S. Army.
This line says a lot: "Sometimes, it looks to me like we backed the wrong side."
The American's (Did you mean to write this in the possessive? [twice]) (Also once in dialogue with "guy's")
Removing the last of threshold (wasn't sure if there was a word missing here)
I've always seen 'assholes' as one word.
Another winner, Bill. Keep 'em coming.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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Thanks CJ - I really appreciate the spots. I feel like I can write okay, but Lord knows I need help on the editing side! I will probably get gigged on the glossary since a flash fiction is supposed to be complete in and by itself, but thought folks might have a problem with some of the slang. Warm regards, Bill
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I know what you mean Bill. That's one reason I don't like flash. If there's specific jargon, you either have to spell it out in the story or else not use it at all.
Comment from donnadiann
I like the POV, according to my husband that was the case at times with the SVA, hard to know the enemy sometimes. but we were there to defend them, and we did. Your story is very realistic from the "Nam stories I've heard. I like the subtle emotions inferred in the conversation between Captain Max Lerner and Colonel Tan. The author notes are great too. I have a poem " Homesick Marine" written by me, but from the POV of a marine (my husband marine, but written to speak of any marine). It is in my portfolio in the book "Love Poems." Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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I like the POV, according to my husband that was the case at times with the SVA, hard to know the enemy sometimes. but we were there to defend them, and we did. Your story is very realistic from the "Nam stories I've heard. I like the subtle emotions inferred in the conversation between Captain Max Lerner and Colonel Tan. The author notes are great too. I have a poem " Homesick Marine" written by me, but from the POV of a marine (my husband marine, but written to speak of any marine). It is in my portfolio in the book "Love Poems." Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I'll definitely look at your poem.
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Thanks so much, and you are welcome:)
Comment from animatqua
This was written like you were there. It was certainly descriptive enough to put me into the middle of it. I'm a sixties survivor, so I caught the language immediately. It was good you put translations into the Author Notes, though.
I see a big change from your usual fare here, but it is just as well written.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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This was written like you were there. It was certainly descriptive enough to put me into the middle of it. I'm a sixties survivor, so I caught the language immediately. It was good you put translations into the Author Notes, though.
I see a big change from your usual fare here, but it is just as well written.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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I was recently challenged to "stretch" myself, so am giving it a try. Thank you very much for reading and your kind comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from MaryMeadid
Bill- Great story, great ending. You had my attention from the very beginning. Were you in VN? You writing comes across as very real here. Having only read some of your more humorous posts, this was a nice change. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Bill- Great story, great ending. You had my attention from the very beginning. Were you in VN? You writing comes across as very real here. Having only read some of your more humorous posts, this was a nice change. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Thanks for reading Mary and your kind words.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I sometimes feel men going into one of the military organizations just so they have stories to tell. (LOL) I enjoyed reading your flash fiction and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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I sometimes feel men going into one of the military organizations just so they have stories to tell. (LOL) I enjoyed reading your flash fiction and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Thanks for reading Barbara - there are always some stories. I appreciate you reading and your kind words. Bill
Comment from WilliamDeen
Excellent writing. Grabbed my interest at the beginning and held it until the end. Great description of war and a wonderful message in the end. Good Work.
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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Excellent writing. Grabbed my interest at the beginning and held it until the end. Great description of war and a wonderful message in the end. Good Work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Thanks for reading William and your kind and generous feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story about praying to survive in vietnam, i wish you the best of luck in the contest....
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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story about praying to survive in vietnam, i wish you the best of luck in the contest....
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Thanks Pam - I always appreciate your support of my work! Regards, Bill
