The Glass Cat Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Steven's Belief Is Shaken"Talking to the dead has its consequences
20 total reviews
Comment from Adri7enne
You're getting into concepts and ideas I can't take very seriously, I must admit. I believe in evil, but only as a representation of unconsciousness in ordinary human beings. So the supernatural leaves me pretty much untouched, since absolute reality doesn't include personafied evil. Good dialogues. You lost me with where the characters were. One minute in a basement, then out on a road, then back inside another house. I found that part confusing.
Still, you do have style and flair. Good writing.
"And his mind was still REELING FOR another plan." Usually, "reeling is used with from" and is meant to convey a reaction to an attack. You might want to reconsider this verb, here.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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You're getting into concepts and ideas I can't take very seriously, I must admit. I believe in evil, but only as a representation of unconsciousness in ordinary human beings. So the supernatural leaves me pretty much untouched, since absolute reality doesn't include personafied evil. Good dialogues. You lost me with where the characters were. One minute in a basement, then out on a road, then back inside another house. I found that part confusing.
Still, you do have style and flair. Good writing.
"And his mind was still REELING FOR another plan." Usually, "reeling is used with from" and is meant to convey a reaction to an attack. You might want to reconsider this verb, here.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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I know it's hard to understand and I do my best to provide info to readers who may not want to read previous chapters. But everytime Steven is on that dark road, it means he's dreaming. And I'll see if there's a better word for reeling. Thanks for stopping by.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Amahra, wow this is a really good story with great characterizations and a solid story line. Loved the conversations between your characters, made them sound totally real. Great work. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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Hi Amahra, wow this is a really good story with great characterizations and a solid story line. Loved the conversations between your characters, made them sound totally real. Great work. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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Thenk you for stopping by and reading this chapter. I'm really glad you liked it. I'm thrilled my friend.
Comment from moyramouse
he said with a smirk(.)
"You still haven't said what you were doing in the basement.(")
...would have helped me prove you were a scam artist.(")
(") I don't know what you expected.....
and something flash(ed) inside of him
Mackay told Steve secretes(secrets)
Wow this was a great chapter! The scene with Steve and Madame Reece was drawn so well. I could see it all happening in front of me. Now Steve believes she really does have powers. The Doc clearly thought he was very foolish trying to break into the house and let Steve know that the young girl looking out of the window was the girl he told him about at their previous meeting. I think it is only just beginning to sink into Steve's mind that this could be a dangerous situation. xmouse
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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he said with a smirk(.)
"You still haven't said what you were doing in the basement.(")
...would have helped me prove you were a scam artist.(")
(") I don't know what you expected.....
and something flash(ed) inside of him
Mackay told Steve secretes(secrets)
Wow this was a great chapter! The scene with Steve and Madame Reece was drawn so well. I could see it all happening in front of me. Now Steve believes she really does have powers. The Doc clearly thought he was very foolish trying to break into the house and let Steve know that the young girl looking out of the window was the girl he told him about at their previous meeting. I think it is only just beginning to sink into Steve's mind that this could be a dangerous situation. xmouse
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much for catching my oversights. I went back and made the corrections. And thank you for staying with me on my first journey writing this story. I'm really having a lot of fun.
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So are we having fun reading it. Can't wait for your next post. xmouse
Comment from Paradox Tremors
The doc gave it to him but good--and he can't still disbelieve after all he went through. He should be counting his lucky stars no real "filing cabinet" wanted him dead. Great chapter my friend.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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The doc gave it to him but good--and he can't still disbelieve after all he went through. He should be counting his lucky stars no real "filing cabinet" wanted him dead. Great chapter my friend.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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Oh wow. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my 5th Chapter. This is my first try with a story this long. So thanks for hanging in there with. Blessings to you my friend.
Comment from adewpearl
No bones are broken." Reece assured him - broken," - divide dialogue from dialogue tag with a comma, not a period.
"Now don't exert yourself," Debbie warned - I changed a period to a comma
I won't cite other instances, but there are quite a few.
Excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue
"Damn...you scared me," he told her. I added punctuation.
A most interesting story :-) Brooke
It's ok, Debbie - add comma for direct address
"Well, that's an improvement," Reece grinned. "I've gone from a phony and a crook to an Ar-tist," Reece joked - I places a period after grinned or you would have two dialogue tags for the same interrupted sentence.
Look, you bastard - add comma for direct address
Why not? - add question mark
Who do you want to speak to, Steven - add comma for direct address
I'm here, Stevie - add comma
Where are you? I want to see you - add question mark
Excellent dialogue that expresses the speakers' attitudes well. Brooke
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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No bones are broken." Reece assured him - broken," - divide dialogue from dialogue tag with a comma, not a period.
"Now don't exert yourself," Debbie warned - I changed a period to a comma
I won't cite other instances, but there are quite a few.
Excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue
"Damn...you scared me," he told her. I added punctuation.
A most interesting story :-) Brooke
It's ok, Debbie - add comma for direct address
"Well, that's an improvement," Reece grinned. "I've gone from a phony and a crook to an Ar-tist," Reece joked - I places a period after grinned or you would have two dialogue tags for the same interrupted sentence.
Look, you bastard - add comma for direct address
Why not? - add question mark
Who do you want to speak to, Steven - add comma for direct address
I'm here, Stevie - add comma
Where are you? I want to see you - add question mark
Excellent dialogue that expresses the speakers' attitudes well. Brooke
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Thank you brook for you corrections. Will look over the work again. Blessings my friend.
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Thanks Brook, I made the changes; I can't believe I got so many wrong this time. You're a peach.
Comment from lola29
Oh my gosh, I've got to know who attached Steven and why. This is a very mysterious chapter that held my interest from beginning to end. Great writing!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Oh my gosh, I've got to know who attached Steven and why. This is a very mysterious chapter that held my interest from beginning to end. Great writing!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Thank you lola for the rating; I'm so glad you stopped by. I tried to make the remaining chapters short. But they won'd be when It's finished.
Comment from write hand blue
Nicely written with well chosen words.
Just the right mix of dialogue...
Quite creative and original.
And well thought out.
A most enjoyable read.
Take care Mel...
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Nicely written with well chosen words.
Just the right mix of dialogue...
Quite creative and original.
And well thought out.
A most enjoyable read.
Take care Mel...
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much blue. I really do appreciate you stopping by. And thank you for the wonderful rating.
Comment from dinoscribe
There is only one mistake that I could find in this. At the begining of the story, in line 9 of the black type, you have written he tried to left himself, s/b lift himself.
Other than that I'm still intrigued by your Raven, and now the girl in the upstairs window.
This is again an engrossing chapter, very well written.
:)
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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There is only one mistake that I could find in this. At the begining of the story, in line 9 of the black type, you have written he tried to left himself, s/b lift himself.
Other than that I'm still intrigued by your Raven, and now the girl in the upstairs window.
This is again an engrossing chapter, very well written.
:)
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Oh thank you Mr. hawk eye. lol I will make the correction ASAP. I'm so glad you liked it.
Comment from mumsyone
This is an interesting chapter, with good dialogue. I like the way you put the last few lines of the previous chapter in blue, to distinguish it from the rest of the story. The last few lines have the reader wanting to read on.
He tried to left (lift) himself
There (Their) bodies were as two cobras
he put on some cloths,(clothes)
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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This is an interesting chapter, with good dialogue. I like the way you put the last few lines of the previous chapter in blue, to distinguish it from the rest of the story. The last few lines have the reader wanting to read on.
He tried to left (lift) himself
There (Their) bodies were as two cobras
he put on some cloths,(clothes)
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much for your critical eye. I will make the changes as soon as possible. Thank you for stopping by and for the rating.
Comment from Gungalo
OOOOOhhhhh, some freaky stuff going on here and it's a wonderfully told chapter. You have a flair for this and your words keep the reader glued to the lines ... just seeking more and more. I love this write you and your story is wonderful!!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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OOOOOhhhhh, some freaky stuff going on here and it's a wonderfully told chapter. You have a flair for this and your words keep the reader glued to the lines ... just seeking more and more. I love this write you and your story is wonderful!!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Thank you for the rating and for stopping by. I really do appreciated you.
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I thoroughly enjoyed this read today, you!!!
