The Glass Cat Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Steven's Belief Is Shaken"Talking to the dead has its consequences
20 total reviews
Comment from Dale95
I just came in to this chapter and don't really have a feel for who Steve is but I don't like him and I hope he's not your protagonist or hero or anything. How can he break into somebody's house, then receive life saving medical care, and then come off like an arrogant smart ass? Attitude Adjustment Time!
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A tag line below could add to description and eliminate question about who is speaking.
("And this person you're trying to help...doesn't believe you?"
"No, no they don't.")
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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I just came in to this chapter and don't really have a feel for who Steve is but I don't like him and I hope he's not your protagonist or hero or anything. How can he break into somebody's house, then receive life saving medical care, and then come off like an arrogant smart ass? Attitude Adjustment Time!
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A tag line below could add to description and eliminate question about who is speaking.
("And this person you're trying to help...doesn't believe you?"
"No, no they don't.")
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Thanks for stopping by; but you can't pick up a book in the 5th chapter and expect to know who everybody is, that's way there's a link to the other chapters. If you had read the other chapters, you would know Steven is a hero.
Comment from Veekz
And it just keeps getting better! I love that Steven got a bit bummed out by Reece and believes and I think his anger now is stemming from both the need to help Esther and his humiliation :) As soon as I read the part about the girl standing in the window I zoomed to the front of my chair and was screaming in my head to Steven, "It's her! It's her!" LOL :)
Fix up's:
"You have a slight concussion and bruised chest. No bones are broken," Reece assured him .
-omit space between him and full stop
"Damn! You scared me," he told her.
-omit space between exclamation mark and 'you'
he ate a hardy breakfast
-do you mean a hearty breakfast?
His chest and head weren't hurting; and everyone acted as if the basement and s©ance never happened.
-omit the semicolon, it's not needed as and is the joining word
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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And it just keeps getting better! I love that Steven got a bit bummed out by Reece and believes and I think his anger now is stemming from both the need to help Esther and his humiliation :) As soon as I read the part about the girl standing in the window I zoomed to the front of my chair and was screaming in my head to Steven, "It's her! It's her!" LOL :)
Fix up's:
"You have a slight concussion and bruised chest. No bones are broken," Reece assured him .
-omit space between him and full stop
"Damn! You scared me," he told her.
-omit space between exclamation mark and 'you'
he ate a hardy breakfast
-do you mean a hearty breakfast?
His chest and head weren't hurting; and everyone acted as if the basement and s©ance never happened.
-omit the semicolon, it's not needed as and is the joining word
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Picky Picky Picky. lol I'm kidding. I'll get right on it and make the corrections. But don't get mad, I've got writer's block; it happens, you know. I can't seem to get the chapter 6 off the ground. I don't know which I way I need to go. So, it might be a while. Not like it was with chapter I. It tood me several months to get to chapter 2. Not that lone; maybe a week. I hope you can hang on. But thanks for your support. I really appreciate it my friend.
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Tehehe sorry about the nit picking! Lol :):) As much as I'll miss not seeing the next chapter for awhile, I completely understand the writers block - I'm in the same boat. It got so bad I posted in the forum asking for advice with it not less then a month ago! All the best with it and know you'll have one very eager reader patiently waiting :) xx
Comment from WilliamDeen
Good continuation of the story. The dialogue is good and helps move the story along at a good pace. The story has a certain "eeriness" that is intriguing. Good Work!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Good continuation of the story. The dialogue is good and helps move the story along at a good pace. The story has a certain "eeriness" that is intriguing. Good Work!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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thank you for stopping by and reviewing. I really do appreciate it.
Comment from animatqua
The dialogue here is doing a good job of carrying the plot line and developing the character. I got a fairly good picture of what happened in the past, and who the players are, just from this chapter.
One spag: he ate a hardy breakfast[hearty]
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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The dialogue here is doing a good job of carrying the plot line and developing the character. I got a fairly good picture of what happened in the past, and who the players are, just from this chapter.
One spag: he ate a hardy breakfast[hearty]
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Thank you for stopping by and reading this chapter. I really do appreciate it.
Comment from Amyna
A very eerie story that gives the shivers. I enjoyed it because I could visualise the whole scene through your description - the seance, the basement and the girl in the window.
"the young girl... is one in the same" - and, not "in". I think it is a typo :)
Thank you for a good read.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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A very eerie story that gives the shivers. I enjoyed it because I could visualise the whole scene through your description - the seance, the basement and the girl in the window.
"the young girl... is one in the same" - and, not "in". I think it is a typo :)
Thank you for a good read.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Thank you. Sorry I didn't make that correction fast enough before you read it.
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Hi. I enjoyed it. That made no difference to me...
Regards, Amyna
Comment from Ru Otto
Good work with the dialogue. I would like it to continue with Steven's rant about Reece getting her hooks into him. We lost out there. It seems like it could have been, (still could be a very juicy rant). I also would like to hear some secrets of Mackey's. Sometimes youtake us to a mysterious place and then kind of cop out with the interesting things you tell us go on. Debbie is funny. I like her & her joking ways. Good story. Ru
What did he have for breakfast...seems unimportant but detail can help put the reader right into the scene, instead of telling us "he ate a hardy (hearty) breakfast".
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Good work with the dialogue. I would like it to continue with Steven's rant about Reece getting her hooks into him. We lost out there. It seems like it could have been, (still could be a very juicy rant). I also would like to hear some secrets of Mackey's. Sometimes youtake us to a mysterious place and then kind of cop out with the interesting things you tell us go on. Debbie is funny. I like her & her joking ways. Good story. Ru
What did he have for breakfast...seems unimportant but detail can help put the reader right into the scene, instead of telling us "he ate a hardy (hearty) breakfast".
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I was afraid I was giving too many details, but I'll reconsider your suggestions.
Comment from DIS-illusioned
-- "Oh, I suppose I cracked my own skull and crushed my ribs."
Put a question mark at the end.
-- "Oh...so it was a file cabinet that attacked me,"
Again, question mark.
-- "that attacked me," he said with a smirk."
Take out extra quote marks at the end.
-- "and a crook to an Ar-tist"
Change to simply 'artist'.
-- I don't know what you expected to find
Put opening quotes here.
-- "her head slowly circled her shoulders"
This is physically impossible. Revise.
-- "I'm here. I'm here Stevie. And Mackey giggled the way
Put the closing quote after 'Steve'.
-- ""Get away from me! Get away! Get out! Steven kicked
Again, closing quotes.
-- ""Damn...you scared me, he told her
Closing quotes.
-- "get back to bed"
Begin with capital G.
-- "But I'm not sleepy, Steven said playfully, "why can't"
Closing quote.
-- you," she smirked as she closed the door.
Change the comma after 'you' to a period, and begin 'She' as a new sentence.
-- "He high tailed it back"
'Hightail' (together).
-- "realize he was no match for her"
'realized'.
-- ""Oh and by the way," Doc said. "what "
Put comma after 'said', not period.
-- "window is one in the same"
Change in to and.
-- "Son of a bitch,"
You might want to change the comma to an exclamation mark. And I think a few more are needed in some other parts of the story as well. (Re-read carefully).
-- Interesting story --of voodoo, black magic and such-- and well narrated
Good suspense has been created. Your readers will want to know more.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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-- "Oh, I suppose I cracked my own skull and crushed my ribs."
Put a question mark at the end.
-- "Oh...so it was a file cabinet that attacked me,"
Again, question mark.
-- "that attacked me," he said with a smirk."
Take out extra quote marks at the end.
-- "and a crook to an Ar-tist"
Change to simply 'artist'.
-- I don't know what you expected to find
Put opening quotes here.
-- "her head slowly circled her shoulders"
This is physically impossible. Revise.
-- "I'm here. I'm here Stevie. And Mackey giggled the way
Put the closing quote after 'Steve'.
-- ""Get away from me! Get away! Get out! Steven kicked
Again, closing quotes.
-- ""Damn...you scared me, he told her
Closing quotes.
-- "get back to bed"
Begin with capital G.
-- "But I'm not sleepy, Steven said playfully, "why can't"
Closing quote.
-- you," she smirked as she closed the door.
Change the comma after 'you' to a period, and begin 'She' as a new sentence.
-- "He high tailed it back"
'Hightail' (together).
-- "realize he was no match for her"
'realized'.
-- ""Oh and by the way," Doc said. "what "
Put comma after 'said', not period.
-- "window is one in the same"
Change in to and.
-- "Son of a bitch,"
You might want to change the comma to an exclamation mark. And I think a few more are needed in some other parts of the story as well. (Re-read carefully).
-- Interesting story --of voodoo, black magic and such-- and well narrated
Good suspense has been created. Your readers will want to know more.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much for your beautiful hawk eyes. I made the corrections. I really appreciate your help. Please visit the other chapters if you have time. I really value your opinion. Blessings to you my friend.
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Please, come to and refer others to my page to read and review my works. Hope this is legal. Thanks.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this chapter in your book you're writing, i really enjoyed reading this and look forward to the next chapter
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this chapter in your book you're writing, i really enjoyed reading this and look forward to the next chapter
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much. I'm thrilled you stopped by. Blessings to you my friend.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Not really my cup of tea, but I ventured in for a look - as a story it's quite good - moves along at a good pace without getting bogged down in too many details. Charcterisation is ok too.
Can't really say too much more without reading further, and I probably won't, so I'll just butt out now...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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Not really my cup of tea, but I ventured in for a look - as a story it's quite good - moves along at a good pace without getting bogged down in too many details. Charcterisation is ok too.
Can't really say too much more without reading further, and I probably won't, so I'll just butt out now...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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house
Comment from The Stranger
this is written with extreme skill and eye for detail, the conversational pices are almost so realistic, you could be actusally eavesdropping, excellent!
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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this is written with extreme skill and eye for detail, the conversational pices are almost so realistic, you could be actusally eavesdropping, excellent!
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much for following me with your reading and reviewing. I'm hoping you won't be disappointed with chapter 6. It seems to be my hardest so far.
