Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Part Three of Chapter One"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
80 total reviews
Comment from donnadiann
Hi Barbara, I do hope all goes goodontinued information for you:) I like the continued information in this poem, and the personality portrayals of all characters in this chapter. I had not read the other parts of this chapter. But this is interesting, and so are Anna's thoughts about what's right in the ending of this part.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Hi Barbara, I do hope all goes goodontinued information for you:) I like the continued information in this poem, and the personality portrayals of all characters in this chapter. I had not read the other parts of this chapter. But this is interesting, and so are Anna's thoughts about what's right in the ending of this part.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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very welcome, Barbara:)
Comment from Writingfundimension
You've really built the suspense and menace with this chapter. It makes your heroine even more touching. There is powerful story-telling dialogue which leaves the reader wanting more. Great job. Bev
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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You've really built the suspense and menace with this chapter. It makes your heroine even more touching. There is powerful story-telling dialogue which leaves the reader wanting more. Great job. Bev
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your encouraging words and the kind review.
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So very welcome.
Comment from Caeric il produttore
This story is written in this odd 2nd person point of view that makes it unique. There were no real SPaG issues, yet I didn't really connect to the piece. The brief bit of harassment by the husband didn't inspire the proper amount of pathos for your main character I'd expected. Perhaps this is built in the first two portions of chapter one. Is this chapter exceptionally long, is that why you broke it up? Overall, well written, decent read.
Il Produttore - My $.02
PS good luck with your treatment :D
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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This story is written in this odd 2nd person point of view that makes it unique. There were no real SPaG issues, yet I didn't really connect to the piece. The brief bit of harassment by the husband didn't inspire the proper amount of pathos for your main character I'd expected. Perhaps this is built in the first two portions of chapter one. Is this chapter exceptionally long, is that why you broke it up? Overall, well written, decent read.
Il Produttore - My $.02
PS good luck with your treatment :D
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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The first two posts were over 1,400 words each. This post is the final part of chapter one, and yes, in the first two post I explained why Anna is so scare of her husband. He beat has beaten her up.
Comment from adewpearl
I hate my life and it gets worse everyday - every day - as one word everyday is an adjective, like everyday clothing
You convey well how frustrating and downright scary it is for this woman to live a life where taking her son to the doctor and paying a small co-pay can get her in trouble with her shiftless husband.
I can feel her desperation as she reaches for Troy's business card to get the $15 she needs to treat an ear infection.
Your character development is strong in this story as you contrast Anna's husband and Troy, the one man abusive and self-centered, the other one gentle and concerned for her welfare. I like how much of this comes through in their dialogue. I do hope all goes well with your treatment - I'm sure it is very frustrating to you not to know if and when things are going to happen. Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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I hate my life and it gets worse everyday - every day - as one word everyday is an adjective, like everyday clothing
You convey well how frustrating and downright scary it is for this woman to live a life where taking her son to the doctor and paying a small co-pay can get her in trouble with her shiftless husband.
I can feel her desperation as she reaches for Troy's business card to get the $15 she needs to treat an ear infection.
Your character development is strong in this story as you contrast Anna's husband and Troy, the one man abusive and self-centered, the other one gentle and concerned for her welfare. I like how much of this comes through in their dialogue. I do hope all goes well with your treatment - I'm sure it is very frustrating to you not to know if and when things are going to happen. Brooke
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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I don't do the waiting game very well. I would rather know, then I can deal. I will fix the everyday. Thank you for your eagle eye and kind review.
Comment from Linda England Bonam
I liked this alot. It held my attention from the start. Sounds like a real jerk of a character and you presented that well. I am anxious to read some more, to find out how she copes with her new friend and the bully at home!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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I liked this alot. It held my attention from the start. Sounds like a real jerk of a character and you presented that well. I am anxious to read some more, to find out how she copes with her new friend and the bully at home!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from K. L. Bauman
Another gripping chapter. My emotions just get all wrapped up, feeling for this woman and what she's going through. Also, my prayers are with you and your own life struggle.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Another gripping chapter. My emotions just get all wrapped up, feeling for this woman and what she's going through. Also, my prayers are with you and your own life struggle.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from TLMcCallan
This is a very compelling read. I was disappointed when I got to the end but only because there wasn't more to read. Well written. And I only had one suggestion and it's nit-picky at best. Other than that, I really enjoyed this part of the chapter. --Tamara
...she'd better call or I'll; shit, I don't know what I'll do.
[Just a thought, the semi colon kind of jarred me from the story. Can you get away with an ellipses, maybe? Again, just a thought.]
I wish you the best of luck with the chemo treatment.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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This is a very compelling read. I was disappointed when I got to the end but only because there wasn't more to read. Well written. And I only had one suggestion and it's nit-picky at best. Other than that, I really enjoyed this part of the chapter. --Tamara
...she'd better call or I'll; shit, I don't know what I'll do.
[Just a thought, the semi colon kind of jarred me from the story. Can you get away with an ellipses, maybe? Again, just a thought.]
I wish you the best of luck with the chemo treatment.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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I am not sure what is best there. I am hoping my reviewers know. I thought about an ellipse, but have been told it's used for a continuance. I am just not sure. I guess I will wait until the votes come in. 1 for ellipse. Thank you for your review.
Comment from amahra
First I'd like to say, I'm an ovarian cancer survivor. So hand in there. There is much life after cancer.
I love this recent installment of this story. I can identify with your protagonist. I've been there. Great job.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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First I'd like to say, I'm an ovarian cancer survivor. So hand in there. There is much life after cancer.
I love this recent installment of this story. I can identify with your protagonist. I've been there. Great job.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I am glad to know there's life after cancer. Somedays I honestly wonder.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written showing Anna's situation. She is a mother and will naturally protect her son's health. She is showing courage, knowing she will get another beating when her husband finds out. Very good job.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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This is very well written showing Anna's situation. She is a mother and will naturally protect her son's health. She is showing courage, knowing she will get another beating when her husband finds out. Very good job.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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I can't imagine a mother doing anything else. Thank you for your kind review.
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You're welcome, Barbara. You earned your sixer. Charlie
Comment from Writeaway...
Barbara, another fab job on this piece, bravo. Your writing is well-written and clverly constructed glad to see your almost through with radio and chemo. An excellent job, keep writing!! :)
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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Barbara, another fab job on this piece, bravo. Your writing is well-written and clverly constructed glad to see your almost through with radio and chemo. An excellent job, keep writing!! :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. I noticed you had posted and I have been trying to get to it, but I keep running out of time. I will do it right now, before something else comes up.
