What Were You in College
A late night muse on times long past53 total reviews
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi bhogg,
Wow, I reckon a lot of us can identify with this. I didn't have a university or college opportunity so have had to do all my post school qualifications part-time. I wanted my kids to have the chance, but divorce and a range of other things intervened, now only my eldest has "post noms" but all three are making their own way one way or another and when I raised the fact, recently, that I felt I'd failed them, they all turned round and said, "No! You've inspired us all to go for our goals."
I hope that one day your kids will do the same for you.
Patrick
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2011
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Hi bhogg,
Wow, I reckon a lot of us can identify with this. I didn't have a university or college opportunity so have had to do all my post school qualifications part-time. I wanted my kids to have the chance, but divorce and a range of other things intervened, now only my eldest has "post noms" but all three are making their own way one way or another and when I raised the fact, recently, that I felt I'd failed them, they all turned round and said, "No! You've inspired us all to go for our goals."
I hope that one day your kids will do the same for you.
Patrick
Comment Written 18-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2011
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Hi Patrick - thanks for reading and for your kind feedback. I don't think that my kids would blame me for failing them at all. I think my thinking is personal, that with hindsight, I think I could have done better. Regards, Bill
Comment from Mastery
Outstanding writing, Bill. God, how I wish I had a six left now. This is some of your best work in my opinion. Good luck in the contest. You have not failed as a father at all....and you know it. Nothing wrong with spoiling your kids when you can. Bob
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2011
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Outstanding writing, Bill. God, how I wish I had a six left now. This is some of your best work in my opinion. Good luck in the contest. You have not failed as a father at all....and you know it. Nothing wrong with spoiling your kids when you can. Bob
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2011
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Hi Bob - thanks for reading and the terrific feedback. I don't think I failed as a father. It really is just one more of those times when my hindsight is so much better--I believe I could have done better. I hope it is more than spoiling, because I now spoil my grandkids every chance I get! Regards, Bill
Comment from Deejharrington
You certainly opened up a conversation in my mind. I feel the need to answer the question myself. What was I? I let you know when I have a clue.
As far as your children, you gave them every chance a child could ask for. They decided not to take advantage of it. They carry the blame if college didn't "teach" them anything about life.
dj
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2011
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You certainly opened up a conversation in my mind. I feel the need to answer the question myself. What was I? I let you know when I have a clue.
As far as your children, you gave them every chance a child could ask for. They decided not to take advantage of it. They carry the blame if college didn't "teach" them anything about life.
dj
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2011
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Thanks DJ - first for reading and then for your thoughtful feedback. For me, it is really more of an example of great your hindsight is--I believe I could have done better. Regards, Bill
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We all make mistakes, all we can do is the best at the time.
deb
Comment from MS Writer
Well stated but probably not totally factual...the part about fatherhood. The writing was concise and clear. It flowed well and I thought this section was so well expressed:
my mind to race, the neurons scream and I can't sleep.- Great way of expressing this!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Well stated but probably not totally factual...the part about fatherhood. The writing was concise and clear. It flowed well and I thought this section was so well expressed:
my mind to race, the neurons scream and I can't sleep.- Great way of expressing this!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Thanks very much for reading. I appreciate your comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from Writeaway...
Once again you have outstanded me with your talent bhogg, an excellent job on this. Your writing is cleverly constructed and well-written, I cannot suggest anything for improvent, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Once again you have outstanded me with your talent bhogg, an excellent job on this. Your writing is cleverly constructed and well-written, I cannot suggest anything for improvent, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Thanks Jake - your kind words bring a smile to my face :) Bill
Comment from Fireshadow
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Bill, this very well penned essay illustrates my of my favorite propositions : when a child is provided with everything, two things usually happen : (1) a sense of entitlement develops, and (2) the drive to excel and stand on your own two feet is automatically squelched. Our parents and grandparents had it right all along : work for and earn your privileges.
I disagree when you state that "my experience might have been enriched by being a member of a fraternity". Chances are you probably wouldn't have struggled and worked so hard to excel and become the great human being you are.
On the other hand, I agree with your other statement : I never got them to buy in to their own responsibility. Who knows, Bill, it might not be too late. The important thing is to desist from perpetuating a pattern where Daddy is always there to lend a hand with whatever screw ups your kids come up with. They're still young and can still learn a valuable lesson on self sufficiency if you make it clear that they need to manage and solve all their own situations without your help.
Sorry if I seem harsh in these comments, but my Dad did this with my older brother and I lived through all his messes because Dad never allowed him to grow up and stand in his own two feet. He finally learned to manage his own life. I imagine your kids also may need to do this.
My apologies if I've gone on a tangent here, my friend. This is a great write and it spurred this entire diatribe.
Ama
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Bill, this very well penned essay illustrates my of my favorite propositions : when a child is provided with everything, two things usually happen : (1) a sense of entitlement develops, and (2) the drive to excel and stand on your own two feet is automatically squelched. Our parents and grandparents had it right all along : work for and earn your privileges.
I disagree when you state that "my experience might have been enriched by being a member of a fraternity". Chances are you probably wouldn't have struggled and worked so hard to excel and become the great human being you are.
On the other hand, I agree with your other statement : I never got them to buy in to their own responsibility. Who knows, Bill, it might not be too late. The important thing is to desist from perpetuating a pattern where Daddy is always there to lend a hand with whatever screw ups your kids come up with. They're still young and can still learn a valuable lesson on self sufficiency if you make it clear that they need to manage and solve all their own situations without your help.
Sorry if I seem harsh in these comments, but my Dad did this with my older brother and I lived through all his messes because Dad never allowed him to grow up and stand in his own two feet. He finally learned to manage his own life. I imagine your kids also may need to do this.
My apologies if I've gone on a tangent here, my friend. This is a great write and it spurred this entire diatribe.
Ama
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Thanks for reading, and I appreciated the diatribe. It is strange how the muse strikes you. I had outlined this as a humorous write regarding how "cheaply" I lived through my college days. I didn't follow the outline! Regards, Bill
Comment from Econ Teacher
Oh that last line is a rough one. You are probably being a little too rough on yourself. You did your children an opportunity to go to college. That is more than most parents. They still had to take responsibilty for their own actions. So their dropping out is not your failure.
A couple other comments:
we all shared was a lack of money.
I think that is an age old common denominator for most college goers. It sure was one for me. I think that might have influenced your kids.
Where I missed the boat was with the two kids.
This sentence is awkward. Where you missed the boat was in "teaching responsibility" to the kids.
Overall, a good read.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Oh that last line is a rough one. You are probably being a little too rough on yourself. You did your children an opportunity to go to college. That is more than most parents. They still had to take responsibilty for their own actions. So their dropping out is not your failure.
A couple other comments:
we all shared was a lack of money.
I think that is an age old common denominator for most college goers. It sure was one for me. I think that might have influenced your kids.
Where I missed the boat was with the two kids.
This sentence is awkward. Where you missed the boat was in "teaching responsibility" to the kids.
Overall, a good read.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Hard to argue with your observation. Thanks for reading and for your comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from KathyH
Well written introspective piece that delivers a solid message. Parents can forget that their job isn't necessarily to make life easier, but to make their kids better. Message comes through clearly and with humility.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Well written introspective piece that delivers a solid message. Parents can forget that their job isn't necessarily to make life easier, but to make their kids better. Message comes through clearly and with humility.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Thanks Kathy - you have your finger precisely where I would have wished! I appreciate your reading and for your comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from Kingsland
I liked this article up and until the last line of it. It leave the reader with more questions than answers. But that may have well been your intent here. I enjoyed reading and writing a response for this well written article... John
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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I liked this article up and until the last line of it. It leave the reader with more questions than answers. But that may have well been your intent here. I enjoyed reading and writing a response for this well written article... John
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Thanks John - I really did want to leave the reader with questions and perhaps some questions of their own. I always appreciate your reviews and support. Regards, Bill
Comment from Helen Tan
Good entry, thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
I was a Chi Omega, what were you?
When I was young, I found it easier to be part of a group and adopt the group's identify i.e. Chi Omega. There appeared to be strength and therefore comfort in numbers. It is frightening to stand for yourself, to have an individual identity when you're still finding yourself - fumbling, bumbling around. Well that was me. Now I'm still fumbling, bumbling around but I know this IS ME. I can stand by myself, for myself.
What was I when there?
This just sounds odd to me - When I was there, what was I?
BUT this could be a difference in speech, then my apologies.
my dad would write me a check for two-thousand dollars. With his left hand on my shoulder, he would look me in the eye, shake my hand and simply say, "Good luck, son."
This is what my dad did to me too. He basically told me -"This is the amount I have for your education. You can choose your own schools but anything fees exceeding this amount, you're on your own." I think it made me hungry to do well and not waste my chances.
Where I fell short in life was as a father.
I've said that about myself but I guess as a parent, we can hand our kids all the opportunities we've never had. BUT if the kids are not "hungry", even if opportunities are served on a silver platter to them, they will not grasp and cherish them. I don't think you've failed - you've stood by them, you're still standing by them and loving them.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Good entry, thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
I was a Chi Omega, what were you?
When I was young, I found it easier to be part of a group and adopt the group's identify i.e. Chi Omega. There appeared to be strength and therefore comfort in numbers. It is frightening to stand for yourself, to have an individual identity when you're still finding yourself - fumbling, bumbling around. Well that was me. Now I'm still fumbling, bumbling around but I know this IS ME. I can stand by myself, for myself.
What was I when there?
This just sounds odd to me - When I was there, what was I?
BUT this could be a difference in speech, then my apologies.
my dad would write me a check for two-thousand dollars. With his left hand on my shoulder, he would look me in the eye, shake my hand and simply say, "Good luck, son."
This is what my dad did to me too. He basically told me -"This is the amount I have for your education. You can choose your own schools but anything fees exceeding this amount, you're on your own." I think it made me hungry to do well and not waste my chances.
Where I fell short in life was as a father.
I've said that about myself but I guess as a parent, we can hand our kids all the opportunities we've never had. BUT if the kids are not "hungry", even if opportunities are served on a silver platter to them, they will not grasp and cherish them. I don't think you've failed - you've stood by them, you're still standing by them and loving them.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Hi Helen - thanks for reading and your comments. I'll circle back around and look at those sentences. Always warm regards, Bill
