Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Part One of Chapter 1"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
117 total reviews
Comment from Deejharrington
I enjoyed the beginnings of this novel. Your characters are well rounded and realistic. It is a difficult subject for anyone. Especially if you have had any contact with such a relationship. I look forward to the next chapter.
dj
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
  |
I enjoyed the beginnings of this novel. Your characters are well rounded and realistic. It is a difficult subject for anyone. Especially if you have had any contact with such a relationship. I look forward to the next chapter.
dj
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from pigwit
I thought the character development was very good here. I had some issue with was the guy in the bookstore, and it was mainly around some of the word choices like (Ma'am). I'm not sure if he's supposed to be a negative or positive character in the story (or long lived for that matter).Also, her husband seemed to border on being a caricature, but sadly there are men like that out in the world and sometimes you just have to go with it.
I liked the rhythm of the writing, and the flow. I too worry about putting work up too early for editing, but I think following your instincts is best. Strong effort.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
|
I thought the character development was very good here. I had some issue with was the guy in the bookstore, and it was mainly around some of the word choices like (Ma'am). I'm not sure if he's supposed to be a negative or positive character in the story (or long lived for that matter).Also, her husband seemed to border on being a caricature, but sadly there are men like that out in the world and sometimes you just have to go with it.
I liked the rhythm of the writing, and the flow. I too worry about putting work up too early for editing, but I think following your instincts is best. Strong effort.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
-
I have personal knowledge of Bobby, so he is very real and will continue to be so. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from write hand blue
Not my usual genere but it does seem well
written, with an authentic plot.
Quite visual, original
and inspiring.
Tc Mel.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
|
Not my usual genere but it does seem well
written, with an authentic plot.
Quite visual, original
and inspiring.
Tc Mel.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from cholb22
I think that the basis for a really good story is there, I just (and it is only my opinion) that it felt like you were skipping a lot of things that the reader needs to know to become drawn into it, like the wooden door....was it dark or light, or painted etc. I just felt reading it like I was being swept through but without enough information? I like to be able to read a story, and imagine it if that makes sense, but I felt that this was a little too fast happening to do this. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2011
 |
I think that the basis for a really good story is there, I just (and it is only my opinion) that it felt like you were skipping a lot of things that the reader needs to know to become drawn into it, like the wooden door....was it dark or light, or painted etc. I just felt reading it like I was being swept through but without enough information? I like to be able to read a story, and imagine it if that makes sense, but I felt that this was a little too fast happening to do this. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2011
-
You have a right to your opinion. I don't like to be spoon fed information. I like to use my own imagine. I guess that's why there are so many different types of authors out there.
-
Please don't see this as criticism, we are asked to write honest reviews, that's why we are all here! We can only improve if people give their honest opinions, and yes we are all different or we would make very boring reading!
-
I did not see it as criticism. I gave you an honest reply. I don't like to be spoon fed information when I am reading. I feel like the author thinks I am an idiot. I like just enough information to use my imagination to fill in the slots.
-
I was just answering my reviews. A reviewer wrote this and I think she explains my viewpoint better than I did to you. "You have told us just enough about them for us to be able to fill in with our imagination, a good technique for getting readers to identify with the characters." This is my viewpoint and other's feel the say way.
Comment from ebeta
It was well written. Not the kind of story I go for.
If I HAD to make any criticisms, I would ask for a bit more in the way of physical descriptions of the characters.
Also, the man in the bookstore, Troy, was so nice, and Bobby was such a jerk. I know that there ARE people like that in the world, but maybe if we knew WHY Bobby was such a jerk...
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2011
|
It was well written. Not the kind of story I go for.
If I HAD to make any criticisms, I would ask for a bit more in the way of physical descriptions of the characters.
Also, the man in the bookstore, Troy, was so nice, and Bobby was such a jerk. I know that there ARE people like that in the world, but maybe if we knew WHY Bobby was such a jerk...
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2011
-
This is only a about 5 pages of chapter one. I will be going into more details later. Many abusers abuse because they were abused or because they are just jerks and have control issues.
Comment from Tellis
Not normally my kind of story, but I've liked your stories so far so I'm giving it a chance. It's well written and I feel bad for the poor little lady. I enjoyed this and keep up the good work.
Tellis
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
|
Not normally my kind of story, but I've liked your stories so far so I'm giving it a chance. It's well written and I feel bad for the poor little lady. I enjoyed this and keep up the good work.
Tellis
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
-
I hope you stick with me. I always like hearing what you have to say. It's always important to me to find out if a story works or not as much as it is to correct the errors.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
This lady needs to get out of this relationship - or her "husband" needs a damned good smack into some sense.
Interesting opening to your book, it will be interesting to see where you go with it from here.
Patrick
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
|
Hi Barbara,
This lady needs to get out of this relationship - or her "husband" needs a damned good smack into some sense.
Interesting opening to your book, it will be interesting to see where you go with it from here.
Patrick
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
-
Thank you Patrick, for your kind review.
Comment from Earthwriter
i thought it was very well presented and seemed true to life i don't read a lot in this genre but i enjoyed the post well done my friend
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
|
i thought it was very well presented and seemed true to life i don't read a lot in this genre but i enjoyed the post well done my friend
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from amada
This ia a very good beginning. The bookstore is a very safe place to find someone. I liked Troy and his willingness to help this lady. Let's see what happens.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
|
This ia a very good beginning. The bookstore is a very safe place to find someone. I liked Troy and his willingness to help this lady. Let's see what happens.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Readywriter52
Anna isn't kidding about her bad marriage. The man is a first rate prima donna. He won't help Anna. He doesn't seem to like his kid. Even though she has a job, he won't consider helping with the housework. Why does she stay married to the jerk?
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
|
Anna isn't kidding about her bad marriage. The man is a first rate prima donna. He won't help Anna. He doesn't seem to like his kid. Even though she has a job, he won't consider helping with the housework. Why does she stay married to the jerk?
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
-
Anna stays married because she feels trapped as many women in this situation do. I hope I can bring this out as the chapter does along. Thank you for your kind review.
