Cast Off ! Flawed!
How tragic to be judged unworthy!16 total reviews
Comment from Haggard
Huge vocabulary. Huge meaningful statement. Huge imagery recieved. Huge success. This was an honour to read. Keep up your efforts to write just presented talents.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Huge vocabulary. Huge meaningful statement. Huge imagery recieved. Huge success. This was an honour to read. Keep up your efforts to write just presented talents.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Your kind words are music to my ears. Thanks for taking the time to read and review my work. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from fairydancer
Very sad story - it is true children can read things we never expect.
Excellent poem with good form and rhyming.
And a happy ending - I'm a sucker for one of those!
Well written - Cally :)
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Very sad story - it is true children can read things we never expect.
Excellent poem with good form and rhyming.
And a happy ending - I'm a sucker for one of those!
Well written - Cally :)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review; it is greatly appreciated.
Comment from edc70.bze
Very beautiful poem, well written, love the rhymes and the structure. Felt the little boys pain and the warmth of the love shared under the most unlike circumstances. Wish we all learn to the see beyond the appearances and more into each others souls. Great work!
One question, on the 7th stanza, "Sat in the garbage warmed by the Son;" I had the feeling this should be sun and not Son, is that right?
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Very beautiful poem, well written, love the rhymes and the structure. Felt the little boys pain and the warmth of the love shared under the most unlike circumstances. Wish we all learn to the see beyond the appearances and more into each others souls. Great work!
One question, on the 7th stanza, "Sat in the garbage warmed by the Son;" I had the feeling this should be sun and not Son, is that right?
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Your kind review warmed my heart. "Son" is correct. I hoped to show that true warmth came from Jesus Christ, the son. I appreciate you taking the time to read my work.
Comment from clsandau
WOW!! This was such a good story/poem. A very enjoyable read and a great ending. It is sad what some little children must endure. Your rhyming was good and the poem flowed very well as it told a story. Thank you, Carol
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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WOW!! This was such a good story/poem. A very enjoyable read and a great ending. It is sad what some little children must endure. Your rhyming was good and the poem flowed very well as it told a story. Thank you, Carol
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Your kind words are greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Veekz
This is such a sad piece with the most beautiful ending that has really made my day :)
How true we must be so careful as to how our words are to be perceived by others, especially those so young.
These lines here:
The tiny lad and the homeless one
Sat in the garbage warmed by the Son;
Are my fave :) They bring the most awesome picture in the readers mind, poignant but with hope starting to show through.
Thanks for the fab read :)
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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This is such a sad piece with the most beautiful ending that has really made my day :)
How true we must be so careful as to how our words are to be perceived by others, especially those so young.
These lines here:
The tiny lad and the homeless one
Sat in the garbage warmed by the Son;
Are my fave :) They bring the most awesome picture in the readers mind, poignant but with hope starting to show through.
Thanks for the fab read :)
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Your kind words are greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from el twelve
that is a beautiful poem, it read very easily and smoothly. the sentiment was heartwrenching . it is sad that we don't think before we speak especially with children who takes things so to heart. at least they are using their hearts.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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that is a beautiful poem, it read very easily and smoothly. the sentiment was heartwrenching . it is sad that we don't think before we speak especially with children who takes things so to heart. at least they are using their hearts.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Thank you so much for your kind review; it is greatly appreciated.
Comment from Gungalo
'Tis true, especially wtth children. They take everything so literally as your write has shown here. There is something missing from your tale though. He was sitting with his granpa when he was asking about the ring. Tell me now, what grandfather in his right mind would let the boy just wander off and not go after him? So far he went as to dive into a dumpster? Wasn't his family concerned about him? So many questions but the idea you wanted to put across does show.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
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'Tis true, especially wtth children. They take everything so literally as your write has shown here. There is something missing from your tale though. He was sitting with his granpa when he was asking about the ring. Tell me now, what grandfather in his right mind would let the boy just wander off and not go after him? So far he went as to dive into a dumpster? Wasn't his family concerned about him? So many questions but the idea you wanted to put across does show.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
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Gungalo,
I always look forward to your reviews, I seem to learn so much; as well of a sense of some degree of success. Both contribute to improving my work. As I wrote I felt the granpa fading into the past as his actions had done their damage. However, you make a very important observation with your questions.
Thank you!
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LOL, I do know I felt it right away when he walked away and down an alley. Seemed like someone should have cared.
Comment from Paradox Tremors
You brought a tear to my eyes with this, I am ever so happy a happy and loving ending were found for both. I have a slight speech problem and because of that, (most) everyone wanted to think I was dumb and stupid because my mouth wouldn't wrap around certain words. I have a high IQ. My grandfather found me crying about it one time and told me something I never forgot. God made me the way I was so I could learn to endure and appreciate the way people truly are, not the way society wanted them to be. An if God had made me any different, then he--my grandfather--would've been cheated out of knowing the blessing I and my twins were to him and my family. I am lucky. Sadly, not everyone is ...
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
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You brought a tear to my eyes with this, I am ever so happy a happy and loving ending were found for both. I have a slight speech problem and because of that, (most) everyone wanted to think I was dumb and stupid because my mouth wouldn't wrap around certain words. I have a high IQ. My grandfather found me crying about it one time and told me something I never forgot. God made me the way I was so I could learn to endure and appreciate the way people truly are, not the way society wanted them to be. An if God had made me any different, then he--my grandfather--would've been cheated out of knowing the blessing I and my twins were to him and my family. I am lucky. Sadly, not everyone is ...
Comment Written 05-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
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Thank you for you review. Society looses so much by their cruelty. Having felt the lash of societies tongue, I try from time to time to speak of their inhaumanity through my poetry.
Comment from Scribbles73
This poem contains many different themes and layers of the human experience.... Gratitude and/or a lack thereof, the human error of judgement, the fear of rejection because of imperfection, greed. It also contains the discovery of hope and salvation in the most unlikely of places.
The Grandfather discards something of value because it isn't good enough, yet the homeless hag who appears to have nothing finds joy and acceptance and value in her meagre existence.
I particularly appreciated the line: "Sat in the garbage warmed by the Son"
On some level I felt the little child to be everyone of us that kneels before G-d... our fear in disappointing Him, our own harsh judgements of ourselves and others projected onto Him in believing Him to be vengeful and wrathful.
The homeless lady is an Angel sent by G-d to show that He is love and although we may find ourselves on our knees living through and sorting out our own garbage at times, He is Always there, and there is Always a purpose to His plan.
Thank you for sharing this poem with me.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2011
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This poem contains many different themes and layers of the human experience.... Gratitude and/or a lack thereof, the human error of judgement, the fear of rejection because of imperfection, greed. It also contains the discovery of hope and salvation in the most unlikely of places.
The Grandfather discards something of value because it isn't good enough, yet the homeless hag who appears to have nothing finds joy and acceptance and value in her meagre existence.
I particularly appreciated the line: "Sat in the garbage warmed by the Son"
On some level I felt the little child to be everyone of us that kneels before G-d... our fear in disappointing Him, our own harsh judgements of ourselves and others projected onto Him in believing Him to be vengeful and wrathful.
The homeless lady is an Angel sent by G-d to show that He is love and although we may find ourselves on our knees living through and sorting out our own garbage at times, He is Always there, and there is Always a purpose to His plan.
Thank you for sharing this poem with me.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2011
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You are very perceptive. Thank you for reading my poem.
Comment from bethmarie
wow!, I was so moved by the message of your poem: the little child that is crippled, and the homeless lady, deemed flawed by society. finding comfort in each other. I just finished re-reading Oliver Twist, and the picture with the poem and the picture your words created reminded me of the sad situation of the characters of that novel. Still, these sad situations even today. I loved the way you twisted the order of the words to rhyme so well also!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2011
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wow!, I was so moved by the message of your poem: the little child that is crippled, and the homeless lady, deemed flawed by society. finding comfort in each other. I just finished re-reading Oliver Twist, and the picture with the poem and the picture your words created reminded me of the sad situation of the characters of that novel. Still, these sad situations even today. I loved the way you twisted the order of the words to rhyme so well also!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind words; and taking the time to review my work. Both greatly appreciated.
