You're Out!
38 total reviews
Comment from SkyBluePink
I thought this was a fantastic writing.
I found myself hanging on every line, with anticipation. The only "possible misspell" might be "Belliago" which the correct spelling might be "Bellagio."
The way you wrote this, really pulled me into the story; however I kept getting jarred by another name, and had to keep going back to figure out who was who. This is the only thing I can really point out, as it made it a bit difficult for me to follow. However, this may be intentional on your part, and I just might have a difficult time following because of me, not the writing.
Otherwise, I think this is an outstanding write, and it held my interest, and also held LOTS OF SUSPENSE! I loved that.
You did a great job.
Thanks for sharing this with us!
Keep Writing!
:)
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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I thought this was a fantastic writing.
I found myself hanging on every line, with anticipation. The only "possible misspell" might be "Belliago" which the correct spelling might be "Bellagio."
The way you wrote this, really pulled me into the story; however I kept getting jarred by another name, and had to keep going back to figure out who was who. This is the only thing I can really point out, as it made it a bit difficult for me to follow. However, this may be intentional on your part, and I just might have a difficult time following because of me, not the writing.
Otherwise, I think this is an outstanding write, and it held my interest, and also held LOTS OF SUSPENSE! I loved that.
You did a great job.
Thanks for sharing this with us!
Keep Writing!
:)
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Hi there, Sky, and thanks again for the wonderful comments. Ghads, I fixed that spelling, thanks for mentioning it to me. Now, part of the problem is that this is a middle chapter in a book, so there are characters that are not familiar to you as a first time reader. Still, it looks like it delivered a good read for you. Thank you so much and hope to see you again soon,
Best
Gayle
Comment from Jonez08
Hi Gayle, it's been a long time. What an awesome story, I love the opening, especially when the man said, 'room service' my heart dropped. You built the tension early and held the reader to the end. The only part I'm not clear on is Frankie and her threat. Is she mad because her brother is dead and now wants revenge, or am I missing something? Best of luck in the contest
quickening her pace when she realized he (saw) her.
--wasn't sure about the tense here, should it be he had seen her
Cassandra
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Hi Gayle, it's been a long time. What an awesome story, I love the opening, especially when the man said, 'room service' my heart dropped. You built the tension early and held the reader to the end. The only part I'm not clear on is Frankie and her threat. Is she mad because her brother is dead and now wants revenge, or am I missing something? Best of luck in the contest
quickening her pace when she realized he (saw) her.
--wasn't sure about the tense here, should it be he had seen her
Cassandra
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Cass! OMG, it's been ages. Wow, so good to see you again! Hugs! Well, this might be a contest entry, but it's also a middle chapter in a novel, so there's a couple things that a first time reader wouldn't know. Frankie's as crazy as Dennis and planned to kill him until Peggy beat her to the punch. Still, it's like kids. They might fight with their siblings, but nobody else better. So good to see you again. Don't lets be strangers,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a fast-paced story that gives a blow by blow account of a violent attack in a hotel room. The pictures one sees here are blood-chilling. Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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This is a fast-paced story that gives a blow by blow account of a violent attack in a hotel room. The pictures one sees here are blood-chilling. Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Hi Perp, I'm so glad you enjoyed this one and I'll take those good wishes in the contest! Thank you,
Best,
Gayle
Comment from RebelRose
Maybe it's just me but I got kind of confused as to the plot and as to the relationship between the characters. Are there other parts to this story or did I read this before. I rememebr reading about the LA Carver. As I said, I am a bit confused.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Maybe it's just me but I got kind of confused as to the plot and as to the relationship between the characters. Are there other parts to this story or did I read this before. I rememebr reading about the LA Carver. As I said, I am a bit confused.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Hi REbel,
I'm sorry you got confused. This is a contest entry, following the sentence prompt, but it's also a middle chapter in a full length novel, so it's totally understandable why you're a bit lost. I appreciate you taking time to review.
Best,
Gayle
Comment from zmacgirl
This was a good read with a nice twist. The only problem I had was that I couldn't figure out who was who and had to read it twice because the dogs had people names...lol.. Probably just me but it might be easier to follow if you renamed the dogs so it's easier to differentiate betweeen characters. Overall good though.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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This was a good read with a nice twist. The only problem I had was that I couldn't figure out who was who and had to read it twice because the dogs had people names...lol.. Probably just me but it might be easier to follow if you renamed the dogs so it's easier to differentiate betweeen characters. Overall good though.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Hi Z, well, this is a middle chapter in a novel as well as a contest entry, so there's no doubt it can be confusing to first time readers. I surely appreciate your sticking to it and for the fine review.
Best,
Gayle
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I kind of thought it might be part of a book. It definately was a good read. Look forward to more of the book Gayle.
Comment from gramalot8
Showtime, I had a bit of trouble with your storyline. I think you did a fabulous job with your descriptions, your dialog and action. However, I wasn't quite sure of the connections between characters, why Peggy was the target, how did the carvers sister fit into knowing Peggy, etc. Good writing, but needs more in the storyline details for me.
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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Showtime, I had a bit of trouble with your storyline. I think you did a fabulous job with your descriptions, your dialog and action. However, I wasn't quite sure of the connections between characters, why Peggy was the target, how did the carvers sister fit into knowing Peggy, etc. Good writing, but needs more in the storyline details for me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Hi Grama, sorry to confuse you! This is a middle chapter of a novel and so it's understandable you'd be confused. I couldn't go into too much clarification for fear of obvious repetition for my regular readers. Alas, sometimes trying to enter contests with existing stories is hard on the reader.
I can't thank you enough for reading through and then leaving a review! Much appreciated,
Best,
Gayle
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Thanks for the clarification.
Comment from allborn66
This is a very interesting piece. I like the action and the dialogue. I would have liked to know what breed of dog Bella was - it would have helped my mental image of what was going on. Other than that, it was a great read.
Barbara
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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This is a very interesting piece. I like the action and the dialogue. I would have liked to know what breed of dog Bella was - it would have helped my mental image of what was going on. Other than that, it was a great read.
Barbara
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Hi Barbara and thank you for the wonderful review. This is a chapter in the middle of a novel, so many of the questions you have are answered earlier, but that doesn't help the one-time reader. I so appreciate your kind comments and interest in the chapter. Oh, Bella and Tony are Dobermans.
Best,
Gayle
Comment from KathyH
Great story. You immediately grab the readers attention and build the suspense wit great skill. The fight between the carver and the dogs is well described and compelling. Good ending too
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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Great story. You immediately grab the readers attention and build the suspense wit great skill. The fight between the carver and the dogs is well described and compelling. Good ending too
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011
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Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for the wonderful comments and review. I really appreciate your good wishes,
Best,
Gayle
