Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Chapter 14; part three"Can love survive small town gossip?
80 total reviews
Comment from Perp Ihebom
I enjoyed reading this chapter about these two lovers and their efforts towards making their relationship work. Indeed love overcomes a multitude of issues. I like the maturity your characters displayed in this chapter. kudos
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2011
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I enjoyed reading this chapter about these two lovers and their efforts towards making their relationship work. Indeed love overcomes a multitude of issues. I like the maturity your characters displayed in this chapter. kudos
Comment Written 27-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi,Barb. Fie writing as usual. Very interesting plot and keeps the reader involved. I do have comments if I may:
"Her lips pouted." Something about this made me take pause. Perhaps "She looked dejected" or "her head dropped slightly"
"." He threw a pebble toward the lake. "Are there any other concerns?" (I see him holding her chin in his hand...talking to her....but then he is throwing a pebble. Perhaps say "He turned and tossed a pebble....." to keep it more realistic.
"Moisture filled her eyes. "Every time we've started discussing it we've been interrupted." She dried the tears rolling down her cheek" (re-read this...first she only has moisture in her eyes...tehn tears are already down her cheeks. Jst a bit off somehow, know what I mean?)
"Sara reached up, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him. He tightly squeezed her." I could see this better if you said "He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed."
Of course, overall, this is great writing...and perhaps I am wrong...just some opinions, Barb...Take care....Bob
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2011
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Hi,Barb. Fie writing as usual. Very interesting plot and keeps the reader involved. I do have comments if I may:
"Her lips pouted." Something about this made me take pause. Perhaps "She looked dejected" or "her head dropped slightly"
"." He threw a pebble toward the lake. "Are there any other concerns?" (I see him holding her chin in his hand...talking to her....but then he is throwing a pebble. Perhaps say "He turned and tossed a pebble....." to keep it more realistic.
"Moisture filled her eyes. "Every time we've started discussing it we've been interrupted." She dried the tears rolling down her cheek" (re-read this...first she only has moisture in her eyes...tehn tears are already down her cheeks. Jst a bit off somehow, know what I mean?)
"Sara reached up, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him. He tightly squeezed her." I could see this better if you said "He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed."
Of course, overall, this is great writing...and perhaps I am wrong...just some opinions, Barb...Take care....Bob
Comment Written 27-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2011
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I am sorry it took me so long to answer your review. I wanted to make a hard copy of it so I could look carefully at each suggestion. I've had a hard week. I appreciate your help.
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You take care of yourself, Barb. No hurry on reviews etc. Really. Bob
Comment from dmjones
Excellent chapter, Barbara. I'm glad Sara's finally giving in to her feelings. Who could blame Joe for wanting to kill Roy, I think the guy deserved it. I didn't spot any spag.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2011
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Excellent chapter, Barbara. I'm glad Sara's finally giving in to her feelings. Who could blame Joe for wanting to kill Roy, I think the guy deserved it. I didn't spot any spag.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2011
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I agree Roy deserved it. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from harleyangelbrat
Your story is very interesting. It is expressive and descriptive which makes for a great read. I really enjoyed reading this very much. God bless you!
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2011
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Your story is very interesting. It is expressive and descriptive which makes for a great read. I really enjoyed reading this very much. God bless you!
Comment Written 26-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're very welcome. I hope you have a wonderful day. God bless you! Marilyn
Comment from jadapenn
A very nice chapter. I thought these two made tremendous progress in this piece and I enjoyed the read.
Well done. Now to move forward and tie the knot. lol. luv jada
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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A very nice chapter. I thought these two made tremendous progress in this piece and I enjoyed the read.
Well done. Now to move forward and tie the knot. lol. luv jada
Comment Written 26-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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Thank you girlfriend, for your kind review.
Comment from Herb
I have come in and out of you story in parts so i can't review properly.
It seems reasonably well written.Maybe just a little of polish needed here and there.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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I have come in and out of you story in parts so i can't review properly.
It seems reasonably well written.Maybe just a little of polish needed here and there.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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Thank for your kind review.
Comment from ejebb1951
This is my favorite, my all time best, Joe and Sara. I just love this love story. You've got me hooked, girl. I really get into this kind of stuff, never thought I would. I even forgot to look at the artwork. Just awesome.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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This is my favorite, my all time best, Joe and Sara. I just love this love story. You've got me hooked, girl. I really get into this kind of stuff, never thought I would. I even forgot to look at the artwork. Just awesome.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and encouragement.
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My pleasure barb. Edie
Comment from CodyJack
Great artwork and it compliments the great story you wrote so well. It flowed smoothly and I enjoyed reading how they talked out the problems at hand. So many people fail to communicate and the relationship goes from good to spoiled. Keep up this work. I will have to read more chapters. Your friend, Cody
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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Great artwork and it compliments the great story you wrote so well. It flowed smoothly and I enjoyed reading how they talked out the problems at hand. So many people fail to communicate and the relationship goes from good to spoiled. Keep up this work. I will have to read more chapters. Your friend, Cody
Comment Written 26-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review,
Comment from Michelle S
A wonderful chapter. The emotions were portrayed very well during their discussion and I am glad they are working things our. Well done!
Michelle
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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A wonderful chapter. The emotions were portrayed very well during their discussion and I am glad they are working things our. Well done!
Michelle
Comment Written 25-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2011
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Thank you for kind review.
Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn
I enjoyed reading the tender, heartfelt and romantic interaction between this couple. You have described the scene and set the mood beautifully. Good dialogue too. Well written.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2011
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I enjoyed reading the tender, heartfelt and romantic interaction between this couple. You have described the scene and set the mood beautifully. Good dialogue too. Well written.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.I
