Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Chapter 14; part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
72 total reviews
Comment from patmedium
Once again, dear, this uis marvellous. I have thoroughly enjoyed both sections and very much appreciated the read.
No criticisms. xxx
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Once again, dear, this uis marvellous. I have thoroughly enjoyed both sections and very much appreciated the read.
No criticisms. xxx
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I hope your homelife is on the mend.
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Ken died on the 3rd. His funeral will not be until the 21st. Talk about a comedy? I have had a few laughs out of this little lot. xoxoxo
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I am sorry. I didn't know. My prayers are with you.
Comment from c00kieface925
My only critique is that in the beginning the third paragraph ending in "picnic?" is in the living room and the next line they are standing at the car and she is running back up the sidewalk. I am not sure if you forgot a transitional description or if you even wanted to mention that they walked to the car before she starts running back in the house. Just something I noticed.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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My only critique is that in the beginning the third paragraph ending in "picnic?" is in the living room and the next line they are standing at the car and she is running back up the sidewalk. I am not sure if you forgot a transitional description or if you even wanted to mention that they walked to the car before she starts running back in the house. Just something I noticed.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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I will recheck that area, thank you for bringing it up.
Comment from dmjones
Hi Barbara, A really good chapter. Joe and Sara are now back on track at least it seems that way. This moved at a good pace and was easy to read. I didn't spot any errors.
Warm regards,
Donna
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Hi Barbara, A really good chapter. Joe and Sara are now back on track at least it seems that way. This moved at a good pace and was easy to read. I didn't spot any errors.
Warm regards,
Donna
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from fionageorge
Another great chapter, well written and moving along at a good steady pace. Again, as always, great dialogue, and excellent interaction between Sara and Joe. The dialogue was realistic.
Only one little nit:
Joe waited beside ['his' or 'the'] car.
I'm pleased to hear your chemo seems to be going well. I wish you all the best.
Warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Another great chapter, well written and moving along at a good steady pace. Again, as always, great dialogue, and excellent interaction between Sara and Joe. The dialogue was realistic.
Only one little nit:
Joe waited beside ['his' or 'the'] car.
I'm pleased to hear your chemo seems to be going well. I wish you all the best.
Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I will recheck that area.
Comment from jadapenn
Ah, now they're getting on with their relationship.Nice chapter which lets the emotions filter through. I like them together although I still get the impression Sara is insecure.
Luv jada
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Ah, now they're getting on with their relationship.Nice chapter which lets the emotions filter through. I like them together although I still get the impression Sara is insecure.
Luv jada
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Hey, girlfriend. I like them together. Sara is working through her emotions, and boy does this girl have some.
Comment from boberto
Hi, Barb:
Member of "A" team checking in. First, I want to say I'm glad Phase two seems to be going well.
Now, I enjoyed this, but must admit I find the first paragraph a tad confusing.
"Cassie turned toward the front door. "Mom, Mr. George is taking me to Grandma's for the day. See you tonight. I hope you and Mr. Joe have a good time." As she stepped from the porch, she blew Sara a kiss. Before she took another step, Cassie opened the screen door, hugged, and kissed her mom. "I love you, Mom. I'm glad to be home." Her next hug lingered, before she turned and walked toward the car George stood beside. Just before she sat in the passenger seat, she waved to Sara."
It took me a second to catch that when Cassie went out to greet Joe, she didn't leave the porch. Then she stepped from the porch---turned and opened the door---she was stepping off the porch, doesn't jive she just turned and open the porch. Then she hugs Sara, so I assumed she is in the house-yet she just turns, doesn't go out, doesn't step off the porch, but walks toward the car and George.
To me, there are several disconnects here.
A question as I haven't been with you from the start--who is George?
Believe it or not, I am only trying to help.
Rob/boberto
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Hi, Barb:
Member of "A" team checking in. First, I want to say I'm glad Phase two seems to be going well.
Now, I enjoyed this, but must admit I find the first paragraph a tad confusing.
"Cassie turned toward the front door. "Mom, Mr. George is taking me to Grandma's for the day. See you tonight. I hope you and Mr. Joe have a good time." As she stepped from the porch, she blew Sara a kiss. Before she took another step, Cassie opened the screen door, hugged, and kissed her mom. "I love you, Mom. I'm glad to be home." Her next hug lingered, before she turned and walked toward the car George stood beside. Just before she sat in the passenger seat, she waved to Sara."
It took me a second to catch that when Cassie went out to greet Joe, she didn't leave the porch. Then she stepped from the porch---turned and opened the door---she was stepping off the porch, doesn't jive she just turned and open the porch. Then she hugs Sara, so I assumed she is in the house-yet she just turns, doesn't go out, doesn't step off the porch, but walks toward the car and George.
To me, there are several disconnects here.
A question as I haven't been with you from the start--who is George?
Believe it or not, I am only trying to help.
Rob/boberto
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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George is Joe's partner. He stayed with Sara while Joe when to look for Cassie. Hey, I full understand. I hope this clears things up for you. If not I will try again.
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Thank you.Gotcha
Comment from Helen Tan
Another clean chapter which was easy to follow.
Before she took another step, Cassie opened the screen door, hugged, and kissed her mom. "I love you, Mom. I'm glad to be home." Her next hug lingered, before she turned and walked toward the car George stood beside. Just before she
Just wanted to alert you to the three mentions of "before" in this paragraph.
"Joe, are we all right?"
Yup, reads like "sun and ducks" and roses for these two.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Another clean chapter which was easy to follow.
Before she took another step, Cassie opened the screen door, hugged, and kissed her mom. "I love you, Mom. I'm glad to be home." Her next hug lingered, before she turned and walked toward the car George stood beside. Just before she
Just wanted to alert you to the three mentions of "before" in this paragraph.
"Joe, are we all right?"
Yup, reads like "sun and ducks" and roses for these two.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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I will see about a rewrite and take a before out. Thank you for catching it.
Comment from L.lora
This was a very enjoyable
addition to your story. It
was full of good descriptions
and dialogues helping to tie
up loose ends, very comfortable--
nice that Joe and Sara seem to
be ironing out their little
probs...
"Joe waited beside(the) car."
Looking forward to your next
post, keeping you close in
prayer. Lora
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
|
This was a very enjoyable
addition to your story. It
was full of good descriptions
and dialogues helping to tie
up loose ends, very comfortable--
nice that Joe and Sara seem to
be ironing out their little
probs...
"Joe waited beside(the) car."
Looking forward to your next
post, keeping you close in
prayer. Lora
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review and catching that error.
Comment from Readywriter52
Sara is still unsure about Joe, but he can be very convincing. I think he has her convinced that he will stick around for the long run. She has to understand that his job will bring him into danger.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Sara is still unsure about Joe, but he can be very convincing. I think he has her convinced that he will stick around for the long run. She has to understand that his job will bring him into danger.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from Gungalo
Oh girl, you did just great with this. A nice mellow chapter after all the action that went down. I love it and the gentleness that comes across in it.
Well written, indeed!!!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Oh girl, you did just great with this. A nice mellow chapter after all the action that went down. I love it and the gentleness that comes across in it.
Well written, indeed!!!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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My pleasure poet!!!!
