Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Chapter 14; part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
72 total reviews
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ...
This is a really happy chapter in your book, coupled with the good news that your chemo-therapy is progressing well.
There are just two small changes to recommend ...
* You have - before she turned and walked toward the car George stood beside. I suggest - before she turned and walked towards George, who was standing beside the car.
* You have - I guess. I suggest - I guess so.
In English-English, we use the word 'towards' but it would appear that in America, you use 'toward.'
Now, I look forward to your next chapter and further good news about your treatment.
Love from ...... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Hullo Barbara ...
This is a really happy chapter in your book, coupled with the good news that your chemo-therapy is progressing well.
There are just two small changes to recommend ...
* You have - before she turned and walked toward the car George stood beside. I suggest - before she turned and walked towards George, who was standing beside the car.
* You have - I guess. I suggest - I guess so.
In English-English, we use the word 'towards' but it would appear that in America, you use 'toward.'
Now, I look forward to your next chapter and further good news about your treatment.
Love from ...... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Yes, in American we use toward. I will check those other areas. I appreciate your eagle eye.
Comment from Fireshadow
Barbara, excellent segment to this storyline. Very well penned with crisp dialogue and detailed descriptions. Only one suggestion :
You bring the best out in me [You bring out the best in me]
Otherwise, very well done, my friend.
Ama
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Barbara, excellent segment to this storyline. Very well penned with crisp dialogue and detailed descriptions. Only one suggestion :
You bring the best out in me [You bring out the best in me]
Otherwise, very well done, my friend.
Ama
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I will make that change.
Comment from Narvik
Good job as usual Barbara. I love the exuberance in this chapter. The cheerfulness of the character Cassie, really comes through. If only all kids could be that respectful and and positive. I could find nothing to suggest except one little glitch:
Joe waited beside car (I think you ommitted either 'the' or 'his' here)
Great chapter that moves the story along well, Barbara.
~ Captain Jack
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Good job as usual Barbara. I love the exuberance in this chapter. The cheerfulness of the character Cassie, really comes through. If only all kids could be that respectful and and positive. I could find nothing to suggest except one little glitch:
Joe waited beside car (I think you ommitted either 'the' or 'his' here)
Great chapter that moves the story along well, Barbara.
~ Captain Jack
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I made that correction. I thought I had already corrected it, but I guess not. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Nicnac
I'm glad things are beginning to settle down with Sara and Joe and they are now able to focus more on their relationship. I'm anxious to see if my suspicions were right about him getting ready to propose. Lol
Nice descriptions of the area they are going to picnic at. I would have chosen the sunny area with the ducks too. Haha
Only one small.suggestion:
Joe waited beside car - Joe waited beside (the) car
Thinking about you often and continuing to pray...
Nic
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I'm glad things are beginning to settle down with Sara and Joe and they are now able to focus more on their relationship. I'm anxious to see if my suspicions were right about him getting ready to propose. Lol
Nice descriptions of the area they are going to picnic at. I would have chosen the sunny area with the ducks too. Haha
Only one small.suggestion:
Joe waited beside car - Joe waited beside (the) car
Thinking about you often and continuing to pray...
Nic
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I hope you plan on staying around for awhile. Or are you off on some journey somewhere?
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I'm home now. lol
Comment from bookishfabler
Sara watched her daughter rush out the front door and greet Joe. Her eyes widened as Cassie hugged him. She watched them talk. ( try another word for watched here. maybe she observed?
and kissed her mom. "I love you, Mom. I'm glad to be home."
Probably could just say kissed her, since we are in Sara's POV.
Joe waited beside (the) car. (And you have beside in the previous sentence, maybe next to?)
refrain from refolding everything."
She folded her arms across her chest as she sat in the tan leather seat (I know I'm being picky today, but you just talked about re-folding a bunch and now she's folding her arms. Maybe placed her arms on her hips?)
Now the good part, I saved the best for last. I love it. I loved the characters and have enjoyed reading this novel. Great job. Glad you are feeling better.
Hugs book
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Sara watched her daughter rush out the front door and greet Joe. Her eyes widened as Cassie hugged him. She watched them talk. ( try another word for watched here. maybe she observed?
and kissed her mom. "I love you, Mom. I'm glad to be home."
Probably could just say kissed her, since we are in Sara's POV.
Joe waited beside (the) car. (And you have beside in the previous sentence, maybe next to?)
refrain from refolding everything."
She folded her arms across her chest as she sat in the tan leather seat (I know I'm being picky today, but you just talked about re-folding a bunch and now she's folding her arms. Maybe placed her arms on her hips?)
Now the good part, I saved the best for last. I love it. I loved the characters and have enjoyed reading this novel. Great job. Glad you are feeling better.
Hugs book
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from sizemore0409
I enjoyed reading this latest addition to your story. The writing has good consistency. I like your attention to detail, as you carefully construct the narrative, which flows smoothly and seamlessly. The imagery, the character-depictions and interactions, the thoughts, dialogue and emotions are all well-crafted, and woven nicely into the fabric of the story. Good work! Andy
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I enjoyed reading this latest addition to your story. The writing has good consistency. I like your attention to detail, as you carefully construct the narrative, which flows smoothly and seamlessly. The imagery, the character-depictions and interactions, the thoughts, dialogue and emotions are all well-crafted, and woven nicely into the fabric of the story. Good work! Andy
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
This story definitely seems to be heading in the right direction. Joe sounds like a very caring guy and no wonder Sara is remembering the guy she fell in love with. I'm missed some of the chapter but I've read enough to know that is is a very story. I'm glad to hear the chemo is going good.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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This story definitely seems to be heading in the right direction. Joe sounds like a very caring guy and no wonder Sara is remembering the guy she fell in love with. I'm missed some of the chapter but I've read enough to know that is is a very story. I'm glad to hear the chemo is going good.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I enjoyed this chapter very very much; but even more I enjoyed your author notes, knowing that your chemo is going okay. You are a remarkable person, and have much to offer with your writing.
Giddy
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I enjoyed this chapter very very much; but even more I enjoyed your author notes, knowing that your chemo is going okay. You are a remarkable person, and have much to offer with your writing.
Giddy
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from honeytree
Wonderful art work and the interaction from two people
within these words, are superb.
I found the words to be one of sharing a close friendship.
Maybe love could grow here.
Honey tree
(Joe waited by (the) car.)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Wonderful art work and the interaction from two people
within these words, are superb.
I found the words to be one of sharing a close friendship.
Maybe love could grow here.
Honey tree
(Joe waited by (the) car.)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from K. L. Bauman
I enjoyed this chapter, as all the others. I'm hoping for a happy ending--I'm a sucker for those! And, you're right, the duck is adorable. I didn't notice any spags.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I enjoyed this chapter, as all the others. I'm hoping for a happy ending--I'm a sucker for those! And, you're right, the duck is adorable. I didn't notice any spags.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I am sucker for happy endings too, especially in romance novels. I think that's why we read them. I appreciate your kind review.
