Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Chapter 13; part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
74 total reviews
Comment from me_tudor
I need to go back and read some more of this story but this chapter was very good. It made want to know what else has happened and how they got to this point. Great job.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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I need to go back and read some more of this story but this chapter was very good. It made want to know what else has happened and how they got to this point. Great job.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from animatqua
Ok. I know you're going to hate this review, but I just have to say it. The character of Sara, as she is portrayed throught the book, is too weak for the storyline.
Biggest complaints: She cries too much, is too sensitive (especially to violence), can't make up her mind, and seems to fall apart continuously. She comes across as a poor little girl who needs a daddy to take care of her.
This presentation of her does not fit the background she is given: 1)raising a child alone with so much hostility aimed at her, 2)doing a good job of raising that child, 3)having Cassie be really quite level headed (in spite of the internet thing) and strong in her own right.
I'm sorry, Barbara, but this character really deserves to be portrayed with some backbone, and I am not seeing enough of it to warrant the results. She doesn't have to be Xena by any means, but she does need more strength than I am seeing.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Ok. I know you're going to hate this review, but I just have to say it. The character of Sara, as she is portrayed throught the book, is too weak for the storyline.
Biggest complaints: She cries too much, is too sensitive (especially to violence), can't make up her mind, and seems to fall apart continuously. She comes across as a poor little girl who needs a daddy to take care of her.
This presentation of her does not fit the background she is given: 1)raising a child alone with so much hostility aimed at her, 2)doing a good job of raising that child, 3)having Cassie be really quite level headed (in spite of the internet thing) and strong in her own right.
I'm sorry, Barbara, but this character really deserves to be portrayed with some backbone, and I am not seeing enough of it to warrant the results. She doesn't have to be Xena by any means, but she does need more strength than I am seeing.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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I think in the next few posts you will see Sara doing a lot of growing. She will be getting it together. I see Sara at the beginning of this novel as very weak and needing to grow. We'll see if it works.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara Wilkey ...
It seems that Sara has made up her mind about ending her association with Joe which doesn't seem very fair considering the risks he took to rescue her daughter. However, he will be returning in the next chapter and perhaps by then, Sara will have come to her senses.
There are just a few changes recommended ...
* In a few places, you have used 'all right' instead of
'alright.' For instance - Is Joe all right? ... are they
all right?
* Where you have mom - I suggest Mom.
* You have - Matt walked over Cassie's bed ... I suggest -
walked over to Cassie's bed ....
* You have - I would've eventually gotten to it. I suggest - I would eventually have got round to it.
* You have - I'm going to my parents and get some sleep.
I suggest - I'm going to my parents to get some sleep.
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from ..... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Hullo Barbara Wilkey ...
It seems that Sara has made up her mind about ending her association with Joe which doesn't seem very fair considering the risks he took to rescue her daughter. However, he will be returning in the next chapter and perhaps by then, Sara will have come to her senses.
There are just a few changes recommended ...
* In a few places, you have used 'all right' instead of
'alright.' For instance - Is Joe all right? ... are they
all right?
* Where you have mom - I suggest Mom.
* You have - Matt walked over Cassie's bed ... I suggest -
walked over to Cassie's bed ....
* You have - I would've eventually gotten to it. I suggest - I would eventually have got round to it.
* You have - I'm going to my parents and get some sleep.
I suggest - I'm going to my parents to get some sleep.
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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According to my dictionary alright is not a word. It is all right.
Thank you for your review. I will check out those areas.
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Well - that is most interesting - about the word 'alright,' I mean. In English-English, that is how it is usually written.
Thank you for telling me this.
Love from ... N.M.
Comment from Narvik
I can tell you spend a lot of time on these chapters. This is very well-polished writing. I like the pace too. You don't rush it, but it doesn't stall either. That's something I'm working on in my own writing.
Just a very small typo: ran the door ("to" is missing)
I also learned something: Styrofoam is supposed to be capitalized!
Overall good job.
~ Jack
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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I can tell you spend a lot of time on these chapters. This is very well-polished writing. I like the pace too. You don't rush it, but it doesn't stall either. That's something I'm working on in my own writing.
Just a very small typo: ran the door ("to" is missing)
I also learned something: Styrofoam is supposed to be capitalized!
Overall good job.
~ Jack
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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According to my spell check Strofoam should be capitalized because it's a band name. Thank you for your kind review. I will correct my missing to.
Comment from sheilanewton
Oooh! Joe seems a bit of a sinister character, doesn't he? I think your protagonist needs to pluck up the courage to get shot of him.
It seems Sara is too scared of him to come out with a final 'get out' - she's going to end up in the grips of assault or murder if she doesn't watch out!
Can't wait for the next episode of this saga. When is it going to be competed?
I particularly like your style of writing and your ability with dialogue.
It's not the easiest task in the world to make dialogue realistic and you do it so well.
Well done you - and well done on being our #3 novelist.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Oooh! Joe seems a bit of a sinister character, doesn't he? I think your protagonist needs to pluck up the courage to get shot of him.
It seems Sara is too scared of him to come out with a final 'get out' - she's going to end up in the grips of assault or murder if she doesn't watch out!
Can't wait for the next episode of this saga. When is it going to be competed?
I particularly like your style of writing and your ability with dialogue.
It's not the easiest task in the world to make dialogue realistic and you do it so well.
Well done you - and well done on being our #3 novelist.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from RebelRose
The flow is great as is the whole story. I hope things get straightened (I've really no doubt they will) and she is going to feel bad when she finds that he was only keeping her from discovering an engagement ring in his duffel bag.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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The flow is great as is the whole story. I hope things get straightened (I've really no doubt they will) and she is going to feel bad when she finds that he was only keeping her from discovering an engagement ring in his duffel bag.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Thank you for the kind review. So you think it's an engagement ring. HUMMMM, we will have to wait and see.
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Well, you know me ...ever the die hard romantic, ha ha.
Comment from sidone
good wording good expression romance a lesson the picture is a good presence story of good meaning romace is breathing,keep up the good workblessing new year
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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good wording good expression romance a lesson the picture is a good presence story of good meaning romace is breathing,keep up the good workblessing new year
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ejebb1951
Girl, you had me tearing up and that's hard for me. It's so easy for our young to get caught up in this internet mess and let me rephrase that, it's not just our young. I know of plenty of older ladies that believe the lies too. My daughter and I foster teens and it almost happened even though we were monitoring this 15 year old. We caught it just in time and stopped the usage. It's so dangerous out here. It's a great story and i'm pushing for a beautiful ending.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Girl, you had me tearing up and that's hard for me. It's so easy for our young to get caught up in this internet mess and let me rephrase that, it's not just our young. I know of plenty of older ladies that believe the lies too. My daughter and I foster teens and it almost happened even though we were monitoring this 15 year old. We caught it just in time and stopped the usage. It's so dangerous out here. It's a great story and i'm pushing for a beautiful ending.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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I supervise my 17 year old son's Internet use. He gets after me, but he doesn't understand how dangerous it is out there. Thank you for your kind review.
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I understand and the pleasure is mine. Our kids think they're invincible.
Comment from Lekatt
What was in the black box? Maybe later. I like your story, it is well written with lots of emotion. I enjoy reading them very much. I will continue to read them.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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What was in the black box? Maybe later. I like your story, it is well written with lots of emotion. I enjoy reading them very much. I will continue to read them.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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We shall find out much later what's in that black box.
Comment from bhogg
Just when I thought all things were on the up and up with Joe and Sara. This is a really great twist Barbara. People can have different lives. It is tough to leave one at the front door, but many have pulled it off. Hope you're feeling better and looking forward to a great New Year. Warm regards, Bill
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Just when I thought all things were on the up and up with Joe and Sara. This is a really great twist Barbara. People can have different lives. It is tough to leave one at the front door, but many have pulled it off. Hope you're feeling better and looking forward to a great New Year. Warm regards, Bill
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
